Quite the contradiction, yes? My philosophy these days is, "ya got to laugh to keep from crying." And, laugh we do!
Rich and I started our life together caught up in a whirl-wind of fun and romance. We met February 12, 1987 and married May 17, 1987 -- we didn't waste any time! Our quick and crazy relationship started as a friendship and has grown from our first meeting. We did not have the typical courtship; yet, as atypical as it was, it has worked now for over 11 years.
Humor is one of the strengths of our relationship. Being able to talk and laugh in spite of it all, has kept us together through the difficult times we have encountered, thus far.
Our marriage started out on a crazy, quirky note...how many people have three dates and then get married? Rich and I joke with others that we only married, in order to cut down on the expense of our long distance phone bills and his endless bills at the local flower shop! Rich kept the local florist in business sending me countless bouquets and arrangements. When I told him to quit spending money on flowers, he sent me a bouquet of balloons with a huge smiley faced one in the center! The attached card said, "These are NOT flowers!!" The most memorable was a bouquet of four peach roses with a card saying, "Is the fourth time a charm?" (Rich had asked me out for a first date three times and for very "legitimate" reasons, I was not able to go out with him) These four peach roses were followed by a dozen peach roses. He says he "won me over" ... I say I "gave in to his persistence" ... either way, I'm glad it happened.
Life, these days, is not a laugh-a-minute but we manage to keep humor in our lives and laughter in our marriage. Laughter is, afterall, the best medicine!
Our latest craziness involves sending one another email cards--some are outrageously funny, some deeply loving, and some more serious and thought-provoking. When I leave for overnight outings with my job (thank goodness, few a far between occurrences), I plaster the house with sticky-notes. Rich was the first to do this "little message thing" and we have kept it up ever since. It's surprising where these little messages turn up. "When you see this, think of me" and "Do you know how much I love you" yellow sticky notes can be found all over the house--in the refrigerator, on the toilet seat, on the computer screen, on the lid of a peanut butter jar---nowhere is safe from yellow sticky-love notes.
Yeah, ya got to laugh to keep from crying. As Rich's health continues to deteriorate, I often seek out the shelter of a hot shower, where I can cry all I want. The hot water helps camouflage those red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. I've found that the bathroom is relatively sound proof with the exhaust fan running.
Our neighbors really wonder about us sometimes...many can't believe that we have been married as long as we have because we act like "newlyweds". Each morning as I leave for work, I have to honk the car horn three times (our secret code for I Love You). We kiss and hug in multiples of three, also representing those "three" little words. Crazy...I guess to some, crazy in love to us!
That's not to say that Rich and I haven't had our troubles. But in eleven years of marriage, our actual out-and-out scream-fest fights are few enough to count on just one hand.
Healthwise, on a day-to-day basis, things are relatively manageable. Rich has some really good days. It's those bad days that are trying for him and me both. We have learned to adjust our lives and work around his extreme episodes of fatigue and confusion. That's not the hard part. The hard part is when I look at him slumped over in his recliner on a non-stop sleeping binge and recall the energetic man I married and all the crazy, spontaneous things we used to do.
The one thing on people's minds seems to be, "Doesn't the stress of it all get to you?" Well, of course! So, how then do we keep the stress from dragging us under? We rely on each other to help keep stress from becoming unmanageable. With life constantly throwing curves at us, we have learned to duck out of the way pretty fast. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses and help one another to muddle through.
We have a very supportive family. Jason keeps us guessing as to what a teenage boy might be up to!?? Living for Jason and rest of our family is probably the greatest source of Rich's strength. I tend to draw my strength from Rich.
My mom and my sister and family keep our funny bones functioning! Their phone calls sharing their antics keep us going. Some of the crazy things they do could be a web page all by itself! Funny thing is, they think we are the crazy ones in the family!!
Life is pretty good, overall. Yes, we are dealing with chronic illness but we decided long ago that we would not let chronic illness run or ruin our lives.
Not that anyone needs my poetic advice, but I'll give it anyway...