One of my passions is collecting carousel horses. I do not have a fondness for them because of some wonderfully heart-warming story about my childhood; in fact, I don't recall riding more than one or two merry-go-rounds in my entire life. Nevertheless, I adore carousel horses! I am drawn to the enigmatic glare of their eyes, the carefree toss of their manes, the poignant message of their neverending journey.
The journey of the carousel horse is much like that of our own. And at times, we all feel as though we just want the world to stop and let us off. Dealing with HCV and ultimately a liver transplant for my husband is not as some would expect. It is not like riding a roller coaster of emotions but more like that of riding a carousel horse. The journey is filled with ups and downs and regardless of the length we go, we ultimately end up back where we started.
It is my understanding that even after transplant, my husband could still have or could redevelop HCV. Here we will have been on this carousel journeying through the endless symptoms and through the transplant only to end up back at the beginning of our ride; dealing with HCV. Does this sound fair?
As I sit here composing my thoughts, my eyes are drawn across the room to my collection of carousel horses. The most recent addition to my collection, poised majestically. Rich went to great lengths to surprise me with a wood carved carousel horse. It stands proudly in the center of my collection with its crimson pole decorated with sashes and ribbons.
Rich's health fluctuates greatly from day-to-day. The thought that he even remembered my birthday was enough. The idea that he used one of his "good" days to search out such a beautiful gift reflects his altruistic nature.
How can one who needs so much give so much to others? Rich has been a giving person since first we met. He is always there for friends in times of need, despite his own. Just recently, Rich put his own health "on hold" to help a friend of ours. Our friend, Lane is 43 years old and suffered a massive heart attack rendering him helpless with a mere 15% heart function. Rich, along with our son went to his aid. Rich helped where he could and ignored his body's call to rest. Consequently, Rich's health suffered. He has since rebounded, though, and is prepared to work with Lane to secure placement on a heart transplant program.
It is strange how things work out. If Rich had not been placed on a transplant list, then he would not be able to help Lane with the needed information.
Personally, my life has been filled with ups and downs. My life has taken a circular journey, as if on a carousel ride. As a teen, I had talked briefly about a nursing career and a teaching career. I chose, instead, to take the jump into LithoPrinting and Silkscreen printing. After a brief career in graphic arts, our journey brought us to north west Kansas. It was here that my nursing career came into reality. I work as an R.N. and nurse educator and am currently working toward my advanced degrees in order to teach at the college level. It is strange to think that my initial thoughts of my future included nursing and education and I have come full circle back to those first dreams.
I have always thought it strange that I started into the nursing field. It, evidently, was meant to be. Shortly after getting into this career, Rich was diagnosed with HCV and his therapy started. I had to learn quickly how to give his injections.
I feel that Rich's plight has fostered my education. I am not as well versed on this disease as Rich is but through him, I learn more and more. It was through his patience and his willingness during his Interferon therapy that I learned to give shots! Oh, the bruises I put on him...it's surprising that we are still married after my first attempts at giving his injections!! Nowadays,(if he was on that therapy) I could give his injections blindfolded.
It is my hope that these words will comfort someone out there. It has been a tremendous help to me, just to be able to look at where we have been and to put my feelings into words. Being able to look at where we are now and where we will perhaps be in the future, is less frightening when looking at the way that life has brought us full circle already in so many ways. I truly believe that there is a reason or a "plan" for all things. For now, I must be content to ride this carousel with all of its ups and downs and see where this journey leads us next.