I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed HIV positive. My father,
an out-of-work numbers runner, and my mother, a discount abortionist, live in a tenement in
West Phildelphia, while one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is pregnant by her girlfriend,
a pre-op transsexual on welfare, with whom she is living.
My folks have recently been arrested for growing marijuana in the back yard of their building,
and, as they are awaiting trial, are currently dependent for funds on my other two sisters, who
are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers. On is in Attica, serving life without possibility
of parole for the murder of a teenage boy in a Greyhound Bus terminal lavatory in 1994. The
other brother is currently being held in the Paterson County Jail on charges of physically abusing
his girlfriend and failing to make child support payments for his six out-of-wedlock children. Of
course, he could not keep up the child support after he lost his driver's license for a third DUI.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in the Bronx, and,
indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. We hope, however, to open our own
brothel. I will act as pimp and bouncer, and my wife will serve as the madam while continuing to
turn the occasional trick. Naturally, I am hoping my two sisters will be interested in joining our
team, since it will get them off the streets, and, hopefully, the heroin.
Ethel, my problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family. I
want to be totally honest with her, but I don't want to do anything that might put our relationship
at risk. Should I tell her I have a cousin who voted Republican?
Thanks for your help, Aunt Ethel.
Sincerely,
Confused in NJ.
