I found this article in the local library. I thought it might be of
interest to some of you who are not so native to the region:
by Dr. M.S.O. Coldman
So you wanna build an igloo? This paper is written for those of you
who we fondly call Shamooks which is an old Yidduit word which means
(roughly translated) "one who cannot build an igloo" or more precisely
"that guy under that big pile of snow over there".
Fear not, Shamook, there is hope for you yet! Read this guide and you
are sure to have the most beautiful igloo on the block!
IMPORTANT NOTE: DO NOT choose YOURSELF as one of the people for
STEP ONE. Why you should not choose yourself should become obvious as
you read on.
So there you have it, Shamook. Now, you too can have a great igloo
and NO ONE will ever call you Shamook again.
HOW TO BUILD AN IGLOO
STEP ONE
Step One is very simple. Gather five to ten of the least popular
villagers. It doesn't really matter exactly what they look like. They
just have to be somewhat slow-witted and they must be generally not so
well-liked.
STEP TWO
Have the villagers stand in a roughly circular formation. Tell them this
is a fun game that they will like a lot. Do not worry if they seem
suspicious. That is normal for slow-witted unpopular villagers who are
about to be engaged in something unpleasant.
STEP THREE
Tell the villagers to kneel and huddle together with their arms on each
other's shoulders (facing inwards).
STEP FOUR
Get some friends to help you with this step, Shamook. Now, all of you
must quickly shovel snow over the unpopular villagers. It is very
important that this step be done as quickly as possible because even
slow-witted unpopular villagers aren't completely stupid.
STEP FIVE
Once the villagers are completely covered with a thick layer of snow, the
most important part is done. But you still want to be sure that your
house is good and solid, so get five or six of the biggest people in the
village to sit on your igloo for about six or seven hours. You can sing
to them to keep them amused as they sit there.
STEP SIX
Now your igloo is made, but it is full of slow-witted unpopular
villagers. You do not want to always have them in your living room, so
you must dig them out. Start about three feet from the base of the igloo
to make yourself a nice doorway. Now dig those villagers out!
STEP SEVEN - this step is optional
You can now send the slow-witted unpopular villagers home after charging
them each about $50. There is usually at least one slow-witted unpopular
villager who balks at being charged $50 for being buried under snow for 7
hours. You then explain that this was a personal growth experience and
that they now have ULTIMATE POWER and that they have awoken their
personal giants. Research has shown that the villagers accept this,
happily pay the $50 and go home feeling refreshed, with a renewed zest
for life.
STEP EIGHT
Using the back of a standard ball point pen, make designs on your igloo.
Most of my Shamook students like to make "snowblock" designs so that
their igloo looks like an igloo made by more conventional means.