October 26, 1997
The People
SEX, MEN AND ME...BY SHIRL AT 60
SHE'S RICH, SHE'S FAMOUS AND SHE'S STILL A STUNNER AT 60. SO WHAT MAKES SHIRLEY BASSEY TICK?
INTERVIEW WITH SHIRLEY BASSEY
She's 60 and still looks brilliant - slim figure and dazzling smile. So what's Shirley Bassey's secret for staying in shape and turning heads? "It's sex that keeps me fit," she says with her famous whoop of laughter. "It's true, it keeps you young and feeling great." And Shirley should know. After all, she's been twice married and divorced as well as being linked with an armful of glamorous and good-looking men. She's never been short of admirers and she's revelled in their attention and passion. But times have changed - and so has Shirley. "Age is for learning to be sensible - well mostly. When I was young I was sowing my wild oats and having a wonderful time. But now I like my men and relationships to last a little longer. One-night stands don't appeal.
"I find that my relationships mostly last for about a year. The first six months are for being in love and having a wonderful time. After that I seem to lose interest and it slowly falls apart as a distance seems to grow between us. It just tapers off. It's that first period that keeps drawing me into more relationships. It makes me feel like a teenager, to be wanted and made to feel gorgeous. I love that intensity and romance. It's what I missed out on in my teens when I was working every night and there was never time for dating or courtship, just brief moments of passion." Finding the right type of man hasn't proved too easy either. "I used to go for older men because I wanted a father figure," she says, referring to the fact that her father was a seaman whom she never knew.
"The trouble is that I find they can't keep up with me. I've also tried younger men but I wouldn't recommend it because they haven't grown up and they very quickly become rather boring and uninteresting. They just look good." There are so many reasons why her relationships end, principally it seems because men expect her to be like her larger-than-life image.That's only part of the real picture. "Men want me to be this party animal but I'm not like that all of the time. I prefer to stay home, cook them a meal and watch television. But they want to go out. They don't listen to what I say - they only hear what they want to."
"And when we do go out, they discover that having been attracted by the glamour, they can't cope with it. They resent the fact that I'm the centre of attention and not them. They don't want a woman being that way. So they start being rude and putting me down and I won't take that." And so another relationship comes to an end. Shirley recalls when her last marriage finished almost 20 years ago she was devastated. She felt so alone, so lost. She smiled in public but at home she felt nothing but pain and grief.
Today, she finds that she misses the little things in a relationship, like reading the Sunday newspapers in bed together or having breakfast and chatting. "It can be tough for a while after a relationship finishes," she agrees. "But I know that I'll get over it, I don't feel devastated. Part of the reason is that I'm very comfortable in my own company. I don't mind not having a man in my life. It means that I can please myself and do the things that I want. I'm very happy going to bed on my own at 8pm, making a nest out of a great pile of pillows, watching TV and playing backgammon."
Shirley looks horrified that anyone might imagine that she'd like to get married again. She insists that the idea of getting older on her own doesn't worry her one bit. "I don't want to be nursed and looked after by a man. I don't want someone being a martyr." But why is she so happy to see so many relationships come and go? Why do they have a six-month shelf life and then flame out? Are the relationships really collapsing or does she self-destruct them? "It's true that I probably create situations to end relationships without realising it," she admits. "Maybe I'm more comfortable with not getting too close. I tell myself that I just want romance. But perhaps the truth is I'm frightened of being let down and hurt by a man, so it's easier to find a way of ending things before that happens."
By: Simon Kinnersley