Help Story

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign read "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign read "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

The Top 16 Signs Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You

#16. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

#15. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

#14. He actually *does* have your tongue.

#13. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.

#12. Cyanide paw prints all over the house.

#11. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

#10. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas,

you get a faint whiff of catnip.

#9. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."

#8. Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying,

"Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"

#7. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.

#6. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts

with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.

#5. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.

#4. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your

doorstep.

#3. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

#2. You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says:

"LEEV AWL 2 KAT."

... and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You ...

#1. Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.