Spiritwalk
Writings
Reflections on the Last Time I Saw Baba Ram Dass (certainly, not for the last time.)
By Roger Ebsen
San Francisco, August 29, 1998
Prologue
Here is another Association for Transpersonal Psychology conference that I contemplate attending, but I am avoiding again for at least the15th time. This time is different; I can’t let go of the idea. Circumstances prevent my family from going with me to the San Francisco location; the financial expense; the time away from work and my clients and Spiritwalk and the computer and the family; and all that noise. Still, I call to see if a spot at the conference is available. "Miles" answers the phone and reassures me that there is still room for me at the conference. "Is this who I think it is?" "This is Miles Vich," he replies. Dr. Vich is one of the original founders of ATP. "What are you doing answering the phone?" "Oh, I just got off the phone with Ram Dass. He is going to come to the conference and we are going to do something to recognize him." "You spoke with him? Can he speak?" "Oh yes, he sounded very good, today." (The mild mannered man’s excitement shines through.) This implied to me that there were good days and not such good days for our friend, Ram Dass. The Last I had heard was that he was silenced and immobilized by a stroke on February 19, 1997. His recovery was going better than expected and he was able to express his irrepressible humor, although not necessarily verbally. I am surprised to hear that he is able to travel and to attend. The synchronicity of all this is too much for me and I know that I must go, but I am still not sure why…exactly. I find a room in town, "get all my ducks in a row," as Dr. Vich suggests, and off I go to the Presidio in San Francisco hoping I don’t run into him after this somewhat embarrassing exchange. Guess who is the first person I see. "Oh, hello. I spoke with you on the phone!" I ran into him constantly after this. Amazing, as usual! However, this was just the beginning. I feel comfortable in this assemblage and I find a few interesting people with whom I share conversation and discussion. I also find time to hit the bookstore, to get off by myself and to make notes of the sessions that I attended. The conference is good and I am enjoying the sessions and the collegiality. Now, it is time for the main event.
Introduction
There is an air of excitement as people respectfully approach Ram Dass, who now, no longer his voluble self, sits quietly in his wheel chair with his ever present cherubic smile, nodding his head and saying little as he acknowledges those officials who come to greet him. After a silly sketch memorializing the changes since 1968, Dr. Miles Vich was recognized for 30 tireless years of service with the Association for Transpersonal Psychology. In his acceptance he recognized and acknowledged his special affection for Ram Dass and his scholarship. In some ways, Dr. Vich implied, Ram Dass was the guiding light for the organization, for transpersonal psychology and for spiritual seeking in the United States for the past 30 years. Dr. Vich remarked about the scholarship Ram Dass evidenced during the series of lectures he gave at the Menninger Clinic in 1970 and the several articles he contributed to the journal. He applauded the courage to live a life of spiritual exploration publicly, to act as pioneer of human consciousness, navigating the way, discovering (and experiencing) the pitfalls along the way, and providing an example for all of us. He especially thanked Ram Dass for his personal generosity. The Menninger talks were eventually collected into a book,
The Only Dance There Is, and the royalties were donated to the Association for Transpersonal Psychology in perpetuity. This was the funding that allowed a fledgling organization to survive. It is now time for our honored guest to take his place. A reluctant lift eventually delivers Ram Dass onto the stage and he is received by the group on their feet. Dr. Roger Walsh was given the honor of introducing Ram Dass. He moved through his achievements; his experience with altered states and psychedelics, his explorations of Spirit in India and his years of teaching and introducing spirituality to millions, especially through the publication of the seminal book, Be Here Now. He acknowledges that the influence of Ram Dass transformed a young psychiatrist in training, Dr. Walsh himself. He reminds us of the injunction of Ram Dass’ Guru, Neem Karoli Baba, ~ Love, Serve, Remember ~ Love Everyone. Serve Everyone. Remember God. He then turns attention to Ram Dass. A microphone has been placed before him. This is followed with a five minute silence with several false starts as we wonder will he, can he speak? Will we understand him? Will he get up and walk? And, isn’t he just a miracle.What follows are some mental notes and reflections on this time with Ram Dass.
Timothy Leary was my Guru
"Timothy Leary was my guru," he begins. "I taught on Monday, Tuesday …. errhh…Wed…I taught …. I taught … ummm"…a deep breath intervenes … "I taught Monday, Wednesday and Friday…and then Timothy Leary turned me on with a mushroom and my life changed. I couldn’t just go back to my classes. This experience made my heart jump" as he pats his chest. "What I knew was whatever I could do with my students was not enough. I couldn’t explain to them what had happened." Ram Dass spoke of the problem of working with a vocabulary that wasn’t adequately descriptive. He recalls his discovery of the Tibetan Book of the Dead, which paralleled to an extent his early experiences. "Ralph Metzner and I wrote a book" (with Timothy Leary, The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based Upon the Tibetan Book of the Dead) that became a manual for directing and explaining these experiences.
Guru Krippa and Being Stroked
A period of silence punctuated paragraphs. "In life there are defining moments, demarcations. The mushroom experience was one. So is the stroke. My path is called guru krippa ~ the grace of the guru. My life is by the grace of my guru. If everything in my life is my guru’s grace then the stroke is also his grace. I was stroked by grace. There was an experience before stroke, "B.S.," [laughter] and then after. I was a cellist. Now I am a cellist, with a bad arm. I am a golfer with this arm. I am a person who played with cars…I am a person who speaks…This is all by his ‘grace.’ I am a person who is a helper. We are all helpers here. And now"…he gestures around, I guess implying the totality of his situation…[brief silence]…Ram Dass tells his old joke…"I was talking with my Guru the other day…How long has my Guru been dead?"…He appeals to Dr. Walsh for help…."25yrs ago, so I was talking with him just the other day…he has such a sense of humor…and I said, now you’ve really done it, haven’t you." I don’t recall what Karoli Baba’s response was, but I believe it contained the idea that it was o.k. and eventually Ram Dass would understand. Ram Dass talked about meetings held by Ramana Maharishi in which the guru would sit in silence and everyone in the audience would have their question answered. He spoke of the difficulty that he has in finding words and how this "illness in the brain" has slowed him down. Certainly, he felt as though this has interfered in his work. Again silence intervened and Dr. Walsh suggested he conclude his talk at this point. It was brief, salted and peppered with halts and silences, but still it was wonderful to experience him, see him, to hear him… But for me, the best was yet to come.
A moment with Ram Dass
With this, the meeting and the conference adjourned. There was some brief milling around and people began to depart as they were maneuvering Ram Dass and his wheelchair off of the stage. I felt compelled to hang out. Although I tried to leave, I couldn’t…it felt weird (a feeling I am getting used to), but I COULDN’T LEAVE. So I went back in and watched. Three or four others were also waiting and they were allowed to say hello to Ram Dass. So I decided to join in. Now, I have had delicious moments with Ram Dass before, but nothing like the one that was to follow. One of these greeters was a fellow whom I had met earlier, a psychologist from Seattle. He went ahead and I think he said something like "Thank you for your silence"…I couldn’t be sure. Then it was my turn. Ram Dass looked up at me with amazingly open eyes. I grabbed his hand and said, "You’ve changed my life," which is true, "and we Love you," speaking for myself and for my friends who share my appreciation of this man, his work and his life. He seemed somehow stunned by this, which surprised me. He let go of my grasp and grabbed my head with his left hand and held my forehead to his for what was probably 15 seconds, but seemed like forever in a second. He gazed deeply into my eyes and I was transfixed by this, and as we released this embrace, his eyes clouded over and filled with tears. I somehow had none, but I experienced an indescribable energy that I have never felt before. This experience was certainly on a par with any of my several "spiritual" experiences. I said goodbye and retreated to the foyer of the Presidio Building in a somewhat dazed state. My colleague was obviously also very moved by this experience. He hugged me and repeated, "Wow, I’ve never had anything, felt anything like this in my life" several times. "THAT WAS LOVE …THAT WAS REALLY LOVE…WHOA. " We both stood there grinning. "Oh, this is just ordinary ecstasy," I said knowingly, "you’ll be o.k. Just enjoy it." It was such fun. We spent from then (maybe 10 PM) until after 2 A.M. talking about our experiences with Ram Dass and how cool this really was. I am sure he is still spinning days later…I am.
The Guru
Ram Dass always claimed that he was a teacher, charged with the task of bringing this way of being to the West. He was the mouthpiece for his Guru. He, himself, was certainly not a guru. He knew gurus, had a guru, and he knew the difference. This always made sense to me because I never understood how that guru thing worked anyway. What is a guru? How could one totally devote themselves to another person, or even to God? I appreciate gurus and what they have to say, but I wouldn’t want to have one. Now, after this experience, I think I am beginning to understand the Yoga of the Guru Path. Not the path for me exactly, I still believe that one ought to kill the Buddha he meets on the road. However, I do understand why someone would go this route and even a bit about how it works. Ecstasy is enticing. One could be easily seduced into a daily experience of guru krippa. I think that after years of spiritual exploration I have finally met a genuine guru, Ram Dass. I believe that he has experienced a defining moment…a time for new definitions. The B.S. (Fritz Perls would call this elephant s---, not b.s.) Ram Dass was a spiritual man who was facile with words and introduced us all to his guru…the P.S. Ram Dass is a man who is facile with the communication and transmission of Love and Spirit beyond the mundanity of words…i.e. a guru. Now Baba Ram Dass has a new role, a new definition. Now he represents his guru in his own being, in his own beauty, in his own guru-hood. What a wondrous transmission! Mirabile dictu!
[Return to Ram Dass Teacher Page; Spiritwalk Writings Archive]
© Spiritwalk