About the Author

The Other White Meat

     Hey! I is the 9~Man, (aka 'Nino'), Former 'Phone-God' (Producer-slash-host) of Telephun the most popular telephone-entertainment line in hizzry! Recently I could be heard wreaking havoc on KCLA 99.3 in Los Angeleez! Check out some silly stuffage I've unleashed on my audience and remember..It's not that life is too short...it's just that you're dead for so long!

                - The 9~Man


The Fuhrmentation of Enward
(If It Doesn't Fit, You Must Acquit)
Featuring 'Johnny and the Dream Team' (It pretty much speaks...er...uhh...sings for itself!)


The New Parking Facility at KCLA
Oh well! Sometimes you gotta just grab the joke by the nads and do it!


Red Beaver Beer
In keeping up with the red beer craze of the mid '90's, this red beer has bite!


Welcome To Jamaica
When the disco group 'Village People' arrived to play a scheduled concert on the Island of Jamaica, they were refused admittance by the Jamaican Government. Seems they have a strict 'no homosexuality' law. KCLA needed a new sounder. I delivered this.

George Michael & PeeWee Herman
When Wham! vocalist, George Michael, was busted in a Beverly Hills park bathroom for...well...'flogging the bishop'...we took the obvious cheap shots into our own hands! Here, George and another famous 'whacker' are heard 'stroking the Herman'! (Kids...go to another room!)

The New Ginger Spice
When Ginger Spice left the Spice Girls...there was really only one obvious replacement.

What a spread!
(I took a 'Parkay' Margerine spot and a 'Shout' houshold cleanser spot and..zip, zip with my blade! Beware..this clip is the unedited X Rated version not playable on the air. But funny as Hell!)

President Clinton Speaks
(The 'Prez's' confession to America...har..har!)

Stevie Wonder Yodel
(Remember Stevie's performance at the 1998 Grammy Awards?...Well...)

The Budweiser Frogs Meet Blazing Saddles!
(Could this be the call of the wild?)

President Reagan's Balls
(I took a razor blade to one of the speeches by our then newly elected U.S. President, Ronald Reagan. Jeff Gonzer, and Ace Young from "The Mighty Met", KMET, loved this drop and used it quite a bit.)

Mr. Rogers' Rubber
(A razor edit on the children's show host. Was he building a paper airplane? Or practicing safe sex?)

Do not eat the pudding!
(Remember the 'Heaven's Gate' cult? Guess it was time to thin the heard! This message came from a UFO behind the comet HaleBopp)

O.J. Simpson! What're ya gonna do now?
(This one speaks for itself.)

Rambo Rogers
(Mr. Rogers again. This was based on an 'urban legend' that tells of the loveable Mr. 'R' when he was a sniper in VietNam.)

Don't back up...(there could be severe tire damage)!!

© 1999 9~Man Productions the9man@hotmail.com




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