Title - Slip of the Heart - Part 3
Author - Rachel Brown
e-mail address - uroc2@unm.edu
Rating - PG-13
Category - UST, M/S A, MSR
Spoilers - none
Keywords - Mulder/Scully Romance
Summary - A week has passed and the tension continues to build between Mulder/Scully until they can't take it anymore. Sparks finally fly.
Disclaimer: The following story is based on characters that are copyrighted by Ten Thirteen Productions, created by Chris Carter, and are the property of the Fox network. They are used without permission, but no infringement is intended.
Slip of the Heart - Part 3
About a week later, Mulder and Scully were working on a case in Seattle. The tension had been building between them ever since Scully's "explanation" in their office. It had gotten to the point where every little thing one of them said set the other one off almost instantly. Both of them silently knew what was causing the tension, but neither one of them was willing to be the first to admit it.
Now they were driving down a highway in a forested area in Seattle. They had just closed their case and were on their way back to their motel. Mulder was driving and Scully was perusing a map thoughtfully. It was raining hard outside and it seemed as though they had been driving forever.
"Mulder, we're lost." Scully said as she carefully looked over the map she was holding.
"We are not lost." Mulder said, annoyed. "This is the exact same road we came up on."
"Mulder, we're driving down a highway in the middle of a forest. Every road is going to look the same."
"It doesn't matter, I know this is the right road."
"Oh yeah? Well then explain something to me. Why is it that it only took us 15 minutes to get there, but we've been driving back on this road for almost half an hour now?"
"I'm driving slower." Mulder mumbled.
Scully stared at him in annoyance and then let out a frustrated sigh as she turned back to her map. "I don't believe you…" she grumbled silently to herself and then continued loud enough for him to hear, "you are so unbelievably stubborn sometimes…"
"Oh my God…" Mulder started. If he had been a little bit annoyed before, he was downright pissed off now, "I'm stubborn, Scully? I'm stubborn??" His voice grew louder with anger with every word he spoke, "Are you sure the walls in that glass house of yours are thick enough for you to be saying that to me?"
Scully shot him an angry look, "What's that suppose to mean?"
"Oh please…you are the most stubborn person I have ever met in my life, Scully."
Scully breathed deeply, trying to maintain her temper as much as she could, "What I do is not being stubborn, Mulder, it's being rational."
"Yeah, well then you're as rational as a mule sometimes."
"Well one of us has to be." Scully retorted angrily.
Mulder was fuming now as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, "Well at least I'm not so busy being rational that I can't even see what's right in front of my nose sometimes."
"So what? I'm blind now? Are you saying I'm a blind mule now? Because if you are…"
"What?! If I am, what are you going to do about it?"
"What? What's that suppose to mean?"
"Oh, I don't know, it just seems like lately you usually prefer to take the easy way out when it comes to confrontations. I mean, heaven forbid you should take any kind of risk or anything." Mulder regretted his words as soon as he said them. He was in such a rage that he had begun to speak without thinking. He had just blurted out what had been on his mind ever since Scully had "explained" her feelings to him in their office that day. But he hadn't meant to bring it up so abruptly and certainly not while they were arguing. But he couldn't take it back now.
Scully stared at him for what must have been the longest minute in history. Mulder began to squirm. Where were those moments of lost time when he really needed them? Scully swallowed, stared at Mulder coldly and finally ventured to speak, "Is that what this is all about? You thought I was taking the easy way out in saying what I did?" She paused and then added, "Are you saying you didn't believe me?"
Mulder was silent for a moment and then spoke in a quieter tone, "Oh, come on, Scully, when have you ever known me not to believe something?"
"Well there's a first time for everything." Scully said, turning away and lowering her voice as well, but there was still anger underlying her tone. Anger, with maybe a hint of fear and anxiety. Suddenly she didn't know what to do or say; and that caused her to panic. "Stop the car." She said firmly.
"What? Scully…"
"I said stop the car now!!" She yelled, unable to look at him. She just needed to get away from him right then, rain or no rain. She just felt this overwhelming need to get out of that car as quickly as she possibly could.
Reluctantly, Mulder eased the car onto the side of the road. Scully had the passenger door open and was stepping out of the car before he had even come to a complete stop. Once out, Scully slammed the door hard and began to angrily walk away from the car, down the road, seemingly oblivious to the fact that it was pouring rain and she was already getting drenched.
Mulder watched as she got out of the car, and paused for only a moment as he watched her walk away through the rearview mirror before grabbing their umbrella from the back seat and going after her.
"SCULLY!!" Mulder yelled as he rushed after her, holding the umbrella over him, although it did little good since the hard rain was coming down at an angle, hitting him directly in the face. "Scully what the hell are you doing?? It's pouring rain! What the hell are you thinking? Come back to the car!" Mulder jogged toward her until he was right behind her. He put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around to face him.
"What am I doing??" Scully screamed. "Well, whatever it is, it certainly doesn't seem to be very rational, does it?" She yelled, her eyes wide with fury.
Mulder sighed in exasperation, "Look, I'm sorry about everything I said, Scully. I didn't mean it. I LOVE the fact that you're so rational and stubborn, Scully, you know that!" He said, attempting to lighten the mood a little.
Scully twisted her mouth into an amused smirk and cocked her head to one side before saying, "No, I don't think I do know, Mulder, why don't you tell me?"
"What?" Mulder said, a look of confusion crossing his face.
"Come on, tell me, Mulder! Since you seem to think that it's so damn easy, why don't you tell me exactly what it is that you love about me." Scully put her fists firmly on her hips and looked at Mulder expectantly. He looked stunned. He just stood there uncomfortably. A few times he attempted to open his mouth to say something, but nothing came out except a few barely audible noises of astonishment. Figuring she had made her point, Scully shouted, "SEE?!?" And then she turned away from him and began to stalk away once again.
Mulder sighed in frustration as he watched her walk away. Then his jaw set firmly and his face became determined as he decided he wasn't going to let her win that easily. He dropped the umbrella he had been carrying and marched after her, becoming more and more determined with every step he took. The rain was beating against his face, causing him to squint. His clothes and hair were so drenched that they were clinging to his skin, but he didn't notice. All he could think about was what he knew he had to do, right then before he lost his nerve. When he finally caught up to her he whirled her around as he'd done before. She still looked just as angry, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. Not this time.
"OK fine, Scully. You really want me to tell you how I feel? You want to know what it is that I love about you?" He paused. He'd gotten her attention, he could see it in her eyes. He stared deeply into those big, blue eyes. That was all the motivation he needed as he continued. His breathing was labored as he went on and he had to talk loudly to be heard over the pelting rain, but he wasn't shouting anymore, "fine Scully, I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything." He paused one more time before continuing, and then it all came out of him like water gushing out of a broken dam that had been held back for far too long, "You're intoxicating, Scully. Your eyes, your mouth, your skin…the way you move, the way you smell, the way you speak. I never knew what my ideal was before I met you…and now, no woman in the world even comes close to reaching that for me except you. You're everything…everything I've ever wanted and you're more than I ever even knew existed. You're the only woman I ever think about. You're the only woman I've ever known who can actually make my heart stop when you look at me…when you give me that special 'Scully look' that I never see you give to anyone else. You fill me, Scully. Whenever I'm away from you for too long I start to feel empty and you are the only thing in the world that can complete me again. I was nothing before I met you and I know that if I ever lost you forever, I would be nothing again. You're the only person in my life who has ever actually made me look forward to tomorrow. And every day after that for the rest of my life, as long as I have being with you to look forward to. As long as you're in my life, I always feel like I actually have a future…but only if you're in my life. Because without you, my life isn't even worth living anyway." He paused and took one step towards her, "Scully if you honestly don't love me, if you really don't want me…I can accept that. All I want is for you to be happy and if I don't make you happy then I want you to be with someone who does. I'll live…but I'll live alone for the rest of my life…'cause I'm never going to love anyone as much as I love you." Tears welled up in Mulder's eyes and his voice was choked with emotion, but he took one more step towards her and finished what he had to say. "But if you do love me…Scully, if you really do…please don't lie and pretend that you don't…" He chuckled softly, "…because I really don't want to be alone for the rest of my life." Then Mulder stopped and he waited patiently for Scully to respond.
Scully was stunned. But she felt like she should say something. She opened her mouth to speak but all she could muster was a weak, "Oh…" And as Scully stood there staring at Mulder, the world seemed to stop. Somewhere across the road from where they both stood, a squirrel was taking shelter inside a tree, doing his best to stay out of the rain. As they stood there, cars drove by them, each one holding people with separate lives and separate agendas. The rain continued to pour and life went on around them. But where Mulder and Scully stood, time had stopped as far as they were concerned and nothing else in the world seemed as important as that moment.
Scully felt numb. But it wasn't because of the rain or the cold. She was having trouble thinking. And then all she could do was feel. And suddenly she felt everything. Everything that she had always felt but had pretended like she didn't. Everything she had never let herself feel before began to surface and it was overwhelming her. For the first time since she first met Mulder she felt like she was allowed to feel what she was feeling. For the first time she let the feelings come and this time, she didn't hold them back. And she began to cry. Her cold, blue lips trembled and tears began to stream down her face--though her face was already wet from the rain. She began to cry harder and she bowed her head. Her shoulders began to shake as her weeping continued. After a minute or two she regained a bit of her composure and looked back up at Mulder. He was looking down at her in concern, but he continued to do nothing. He seemed to be waiting for something. Waiting for her to do something or say something. Anything. And suddenly Scully knew exactly what she had to do.
Before Mulder knew what was happening, Scully slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him firmly on the mouth. Mulder was stunned at first and nearly toppled backward in surprise. But then he regained his composure and responded by wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her as close to him as he could. He leaned back slightly, gently lifting her off the ground as their kiss deepened.
Scully's stomach was doing flip flops and her heart was pounding in her chest so hard that she was certain that, had it not been for the rain, they both would have been able to hear it clearly. She had often entertained a fantasy or two about what kissing Mulder would be like. She always knew that it would be wonderful, but the reality of it was so much more satisfying than any fantasy she could ever dream up. For instance, she had figured that her heart would pound similarly to how it was pounding now, and she had been fairly certain that she would virtually melt in his arms…but the tingling sensation that she felt from her scalp all the way down to her toes was a pleasant surprise. Her inability to think was another sensation she hadn't completely counted on. Consequently, she had no clue as to how long they actually stayed like that--seconds…minutes…days. Scully soon realized that time had no meaning when kissing Fox Mulder. All she knew for certain was that she simply did not want it to end.
Inevitably, though, Mulder's arms must have begun to give out because he finally began to slowly lower her to the ground. As he did so, she gently pulled her lips away from his. But, reluctant to remove herself from his embrace, allowed her body to remain exactly where it was. Scully took his face in both of her hands and gazed up at him before kissing him again gently. As she did so, she mumbled, "I'm so sorry, Mulder…I'm sorry I lied to you before…I just got so scared…I'm sorry I hurt you…"
"I know, Scully…" He kissed her back, holding her face in his hands. Then gently pulled away a few seconds later.
"What's wrong?" Scully asked him absently as she looked up at him with a dazed expression.
"Well…" Mulder began as he looked down at her, out of breath.
"What?" Scully whispered, cupping one hand behind his neck and pulling her face close to his again.
"It's raining, Scully…"
Scully blinked, snapping slightly out of her daze. Then she smiled and began to chuckle softly as she leaned more into him and rested her wet cheek against his drenched chest. He laughed gently too as they held each other for another moment in the still-pelting rain. Then Mulder gently rubbed her back and said, "come on, Scully…" He finally pulled away from her and took her hand in his, turning back towards the car. When Mulder removed himself from her personal space, Scully suddenly felt the shock of the cold enveloping her. She gasped as the cold air pierced her skin before she took off in a fast sprint towards the car, pulling Mulder behind her as she went. In their haste and due to the distraction of recent events, they neglected to retrieve the umbrella Mulder had discarded earlier.
It wasn't until they reached the car that they let go of each other's hand and hurried to get in it and out of the rain. They were both completely out of breath and soaked to the skin. Their wet clothes began to seep into the upholstery of their rental car. They were both rubbing their arms vigorously as they began to shiver and Mulder started the engine so that he could turn the heat on. "Oh God…" Mulder exclaimed as he rubbed his face with his hands and ran his fingers through his wet hair. Then he felt his chest and looked down at the silk tie that now hung heavily against him. "Oh no…" he said as he took it in both hands and wrung it, watching the water drip down onto his lap. Then he laughed and said, "Scully, I think we'd better go and get out of these wet clothes."
Scully was out of breath and dripping wet as well, but she just sat there, watching him. "That's exactly what I was just thinking." She said in a husky voice that caught him off guard.
Mulder's head jerked around and he looked at her in surprise. When he did, he saw a look on her face that he'd never seen before. Her new look was apparently quite effective, however, because Mulder quickly stopped talking, put the car in gear and stepped firmly on the gas, causing the tires to squeal against the wet pavement as they took off down the road.
Mulder started driving fast, but then slowed down slightly when he must have realized the danger of doing so in the heavy rain. Scully couldn't help but smile at his eagerness. She couldn't take her eyes off him. Throughout the five years she had been working with him, she had often stolen an unprofessional glance here and there at her partner. In spite of what Mulder or anyone else might think, his attractive qualities, both physical and otherwise, had not gone unnoticed by Scully. She had just been extremely careful and discreet while noticing them. The low, sexy rumble of his voice…his beautifully sculpted hands and arms…his distinguished profile…the way he would look at her with his soft hazel eyes, making her feel as though he were looking directly into her soul. None of that had ever gone unnoticed by Scully. But, as Scully sat there in the car next to Mulder now, she realized with pleasure that she didn't have to hide it anymore. So she watched him. And this time, she didn't stop with just a glance. Her eyes studied the way his hands were gripping the steering wheel, then they traveled up his strong arms that he had left partly exposed when he rolled up his sleeves earlier. His wet shirt clung to his upper arms and shoulders in an unbelievably attractive way that made her slightly dizzy. Then she studied the sculpted definition of his neck which drew her eyes up to his face…<He loves me…> Scully thought with wonder. She couldn't believe that the beautiful man who was sitting across from her right now was in love with her. All of a sudden Scully couldn't resist the urge to scoot up next to him in the car and kiss him gently on the side of his face, close to his ear. Scully heard Mulder's breath catch in his throat as her lips traveled down his jaw to his neck. Mulder let out a soft groan which Scully took as encouragement to keep going. Suddenly she felt the car jerk slightly and she pulled back quickly and looked at Mulder in surprise.
Mulder looked flushed and embarrassed. He chuckled softly and said, "Uh…Scully, maybe that's not the safest thing to be doing under the circumstances."
"Sorry…" Scully said softly, doing her best to suppress an amused grin. Instead of moving back to her lonely side of the front seat, however, she just curled up next to him, resting one hand on his arm and her head against his shoulder. Mulder seemed to relax a little…this was obviously something he could handle well enough. "Where are we going?" She asked casually.
"That's something I haven't quite figured out yet." Mulder replied.
"We're still lost, aren't we?"
"Yeah. Even if we turn around and go back to where we started, it's going to take too long to get back to the motel."
Scully smiled when he said that. She felt her clock ticking too. And she was fairly certain she wasn't going to be able to wait until they finally found their way back to the motel. She stared ahead of them as Mulder drove. Suddenly, she saw something that caught her eye. She pointed through the windshield, "Mulder, do you see that? Up ahead…"
Mulder squinted through the rain. "See what?"
"There's a dirt road that turns off of this highway…do you see it?"
"Uh huh…what about it?" He looked at her and then it hit him what she was suggesting. "You're not saying we should go down that dirt road, are you Scully?"
Scully nodded slowly with a slight smile on her face.
"That's crazy, Scully! It's been raining for hours! It's probably not even…"
"Mulder…" Scully mumbled before she began to kiss his neck again eagerly.
"Scully…" Mulder groaned weakly in protest, but finally gave in. When they approached the dirt road, he carefully slowed the car down and turned onto it. Mulder didn't know where the road lead, but one thing was for sure, the heavy forest surrounding them would completely conceal their car from every direction. The mud they were driving on didn't seem to be as soft as he'd feared either. Perhaps this would work after all. After driving down the road for maybe half a mile he finally stopped and turned the engine off. Then he took a deep breath and his stomach tightened when he realized, this was it.
Scully didn't waste any time. Her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him again on his lips before Mulder could even say a word. The tightness in Mulder's stomach didn't go away, but he chose to ignore it as he held her and kissed her back. He willed the tightness to go away. What was his problem? He loved Scully. He loved her more than he'd ever loved any woman. If he'd ever even loved any other woman before. This was what he had wanted, wasn't it? It was what he wanted, but there was something wrong…something was off. As they kissed, Scully began to loosen the knot on his tie. He carefully took her hand in his to stop her and he gently pulled away. "Scully, wait…" he said, out of breath.
Scully looked confused and maybe just a little bit hurt. "What? What is it?"
Mulder just looked at her for a moment. He had to be careful. He didn't want to say anything that might make her think that there was something wrong with her. "Scully, maybe we should slow down a little bit."
Scully loosened her hold on him a little. "Okay…" she said, carefully. She looked at him in concern as she watched him turn away from her slightly and take a few deep breaths. "Mulder, are you alright?"
He cleared his throat, "yeah, I'm fine." But he wouldn't look at her.
Scully gently turned his face towards hers. "Mulder, what's wrong. Tell me."
He looked down for a moment as if he were contemplating what he wanted to say. He pressed his lips together and shook his head stiffly before looking back up at her. His eyes were damp. "Scully we've known each other for so long. You're such an important part of my life and this is such a huge step for both of us to take. I just don't think we should take this lightly or rush into anything like this."
His words touched Scully deeply and she smiled at him warmly. Silently, she both congratulated and scolded herself for falling in love with such a decent guy. Her eyes became moist too and she gently lifted a hand to touch his face. "I'm not taking this lightly, Mulder. And I don't feel as though we're rushing into this because it just feels right to me."
Mulder continued to look at her. "Haven't you thought about it before, Scully? About you and me…together like this. Haven't you ever thought about what it might be like?"
"Of course I have…haven't you?"
"Yes. That's the problem, Scully. We both have all these expectations built up already. And when it finally becomes a reality…" He paused for a moment. "I just…" then his voice trailed off and he looked almost ashamed.
"What?" Scully asked, turning his face towards hers again.
Mulder looked at her silently for a moment. Then he said slowly, "I just don't want to disappoint you."
Scully looked at him in surprise at first. And then a huge grin spread a cross her face and she tried her hardest to contain her amusement at what he had just said, but she wasn't succeeding.
Mulder looked at her in amazement. "See? You're already laughing at me…"
Scully took in a deep breath as she tried to control herself. "Oh no…I'm not laughing at you…" She said, taking his face in both of her hands. "It's just…is that really what you're worried about? You're afraid of disappointing me?"
"Well…yeah" Mulder said uncomfortably. He was beginning to feel like a fool.
"Oh Mulder…you can't" she said gently.
Mulder smirked, "Scully, you're not making this any easier…"
"No, that's not what I mean. It's not that my expectations of you are such that I can't even imagine that happening. It's just that…Mulder, you can't disappoint me…it's not possible" she said slowly, accentuating the last three words as much as she could.
"Oh, believe me, Scully, it definitely is." Mulder said with a nervous laugh.
Scully's expression softened and she touched his face again lightly before saying a gentle, "no…" as she shook her head.
Mulder stared at her in wonder and he became serious again. "Why?" He asked.
Scully just smiled at him warmly as if he had just asked her the question she had always wanted him to ask her. She gazed at him lovingly and said softly, "because…it's you…"
Mulder was silent, letting her words sink in completely. They were powerful words, he could feel the impact of them reverberating throughout his entire body. He smiled and his eyes became moist again as he realized what her words had meant. He touched the side of her face and looked at her. "I love you, Scully" he said as his voice cracked just a little bit.
Scully smiled and closed her eyes, letting his words sink in. Then she leaned forward and whispered, "and that's another reason why…" just before she kissed him.