ONCE MORE INTO THE BREECH WITH MORE CLINTON AND LEWINSKY JOKES
What's the difference between bill Clinton and the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
What's the new game they're playing in the White House?
Swallow the Leader.
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"
In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with
President Clinton", 86% replied, "Not again"
What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?
Fornigate.
If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?
Why isn't Clinton saying too much about the affair?
He's hoping it will Peter Out in a few days.
Did you hear about the new game being played in Washington, D. C.?
It's called "Swallow the Leader".
Why doesn't Monica eat bananas?
She can't find the zipper.
What is the recipe for Clinton stew?
A small weenie in hot water.
Why did Bill get into this predicament?
He didn't know that harass was one word.
What's Clinton's new presidential anthem?
Kneel to the Chief.
How does Bill rationalize that oral sex is not a sexual relationship?
Because Monica didn't swallow.
What is the Secret Service nickname for Bill's penis?
The Titanic...cause so many went down on it.
What did Clinton say to Gore about the whole affair?
Pardon me.
What was Clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.
What did Monica say when the FBI ask for the "Dress?"
Come and get it.
Why does Clinton swim naked in the White House pool?
He is trolling for interns.
What does Nixon have in common with Clinton?
Tricky Dick
Why do they call him slick willy?
K-Y Jelly
Clinton has established a new defense fund called S.U.C.K.
Send US Cash Kwik
Dr. Clinton's prescription for interns:
Swallow two mouth fulls and call me in the morning.
When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
How's Clinton like a condom?
He stands for inflation, halts productivity & covers up for pricks ... but you can see right through it if you look.
How can you tell you've just had sex with Bill Clinton?
You've got French fries in your hair, and Vernon Jordan is handing you a job application.
What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
Lays!
"One thing's for sure about Clinton...
He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
None -- He'll only promise "change."
Vote Democrat... It's easier than getting a job.
You know Gennifer Flowers did a "spread" in Penthouse magazine.
That is good, for once, we get to see something Clinton has done.
What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
"Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite?
It Takes A Village!
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
To promote off-shore drilling.
Titles for a Biographical movie about Clinton
ALL THE PRESIDENT'S WOMEN
FREE MY WILLY
GOOD BILL HUNTING
LIAR, LIAR 2
THE LYIN' KING
INTERNS OF ENDEARMENT
THE "VICE" PRESIDENT
AFFAIR TO FORGET
SEX, LIES, AND AUDIO TAPE
JUDGE JUDY FOR INDEPENDENT COUNSEL OF ZIPPERGATE !
JFK: "Ich bin ein Berliner."
Nixon: "I am not a crook."
Reagan: "Tear down that wall, Mr. Gorbachev."
Clinton: "Let's see what my public will swallow."
*****
Clinton is out jogging. He passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Sir?" asks the lad.
"Oh no sorry," says Clinton. " We have a cat already you know."
"But they are Democrat puppies, sir" asserts the enterprising lad. Clinton smiles, but again declines. The boy nods, Clinton jogs on.
The next day Clinton is jogging by the same spot. There again is the boy still trying to sell the puppies. As Clinton jogs by he over hears the youth telling the potential customer, "But sir, these are Republican puppies."
Clinton stops & says "Young man yesterday you told me those were Democrat puppies."
"Well sir," explains the child. " Since then their eyes have opened."
WILLEY ON WILLIE
Willey went to CBS
To talk to Bradley, and confess
That Willie wanted Willey to
Caress his Willie. Well, do you
Believe that Willey's telling tales?
Is Willie like all other males
In that he thinks not with his mind
But with that little thing you find
Between his legs? It may sound silly,
But who should we believe now? Willey?
Willie? Will we ever know,
And who in hell will tell us so?
When war may threaten will he chill? He
Will, instead, think of his willie,
And 'tis better, willy-nilly,
That he do so! Threaten? Will he
Place a presidential finger
On the doomsday button? Linger
Elsewhere, please. No foreign cities
Will be bombed, while fingering titties.
So, I say, allow him room
To fondle. Better breast than "boom!"
Don't invade Iraq, Bill! Choose
Instead to concentrate on cooze.
Better far, for all mankind
That Bill invade some girl's behind
Instead of an invasive thrust
Into some country filled with dust.
Better he find sweet release
And keep the peace (yet get a piece)
Than go beserk. Just to be blunt:
Bill, save the *country.* Stick to *cunt.*
© 1998 The Spirit®
Bill Clinton has been advised by doctors to save his voice and not speak a single word for the next couple days. Guess this means he'll have to contradict himself in mime...
*****
Click here to go back to page 12 or hit your back button above.
Click here to go back to page 1.
This page hosted by 
Get your own Free Home Page