Why did Monica always drink with a straw while she was an intern?
Practice. Perfecting a pucker and powerful sucking takes exercising and practice, practice, practice.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxer shorts?
They work better to keep his ankles warm.
What is Monica Lewinsky's main strength in finding a future position in the business world?
She can always fall back on her secretarial skills for she has excellent references for taking "dic-tation".
What was President Clinton's explanation for having oral sex with Monica Lewinsky?
"They told me she was the "head" intern!"
Why did Kenneth Starr say that Monica and Bill Clinton have something in common?
He believes that they have both gone or are going down.
Some people use bookmarks, but not Clinton; he not only bends over pages but in tern believes that contrary to what Weight Watchers say, eating is not cheating.
What was Clinton's answer about coaching the intern with proper answers?
You can depend upon the fact that it was never words I put into her mouth.
What was Bill's rationalization that oral sex is not a sexual encounter?
Because Monica did not swallow!
Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff?
She didn't understand know what STAFF he really meant.
Don't feel sorry for Monica......She'll be back "on her knees" in no time!
Ken Starr repeatedly reports that he is extending his probe . . .
When Clinton does the same thing the world stands shocked.
Why did Monica hang around the hall outside the Oval Office?
She was merely looking for the Executive Branch and apparently she found it.
A few years ago one of our presidents said, "Your president is not a crook."
Today the word from the White House might be, "Your president's member is not crooked."
In the White House it is just the opposite, because some have been getting sex from aids.
Why is Bill Clinton like a Timex watch, surviving one battering after another....
He takes a lickin' but keeps on tickin'.
Monica's lawyer asked her many questions but he kept getting but one response.BR> " I can't remember the details, she said, but I know the answer is on the TIP of MY tongue!"
Clinton still maintains he was not lying . . .
. . .he was standing and she was kneeling.
What did Hillary say when Bill told her his side of the story?
"This one is hard to swallow."
Do you remember that old federal program started by the Democrats?
Which one? Oh, you mean "Head" Start?
Do you know the famous words used by Monica when she complained back in California about her job at the White House?
"It sucks !"
Did you hear who Hillary is inviting to spend the night at the White House?
Lorena Bobbitt.
New Democratic slogan -
Win one for the Zipper! And… let's not have anymore women put on the president's staff!
What did a famous psychic recently predict for Monica Lewinsky?
You will go down in history.
Everybody in the West Wing thought Monica was talking about a whale movie when she went down the corridors muttering, "Free Willie…. Free Willie!"
What did R. Perot have to say about Zippergate?
I thought it was the POLITICIANS who were giving us the "lip service".
Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and Monica Lewinsky all took something very hard from Washington, but she's the only one that lived to tell about it.
Two of the President's sperm are swimming along. One says to the other, "Is it much further to the ovaries?"
New saying on the president's desk in the Oval Office:
"Both the buck and penetration stops here"!
Got to watch out where presidential ideas come from.
Maybe the publishers should ask for a change of titles on Dan Quayle's autobiography, "Standing Firm".
When asked if he was going to resign, you probably could guess what the president answered.
"No, I would rather be firm with my resolution and stick it out."
When asked what she was going to do next, what did Monica say in her last words at the Oval Office?
"If you really want my answer all you have to do is read my lips."
One thing good you can say about Monica and her attitude toward the president…. She never bad-mouthed him like a lot of other females have done in his past.
The Tripp tapes of Monica Lewinsky were tampered with. What was cut out?
"Rulers aren't always 12 inches long."
Did you hear the new Surgeon General's regulations?
WARNING:having sex can result in a deadly case of AIDS!
WARNING:having aides can result in politically deadly sex!
How can you describe Bill Clinton's current problem?
He's caught between Iraq and a hard on!
What did Clinton say when the lab found no DNA evidence on Monica's dress?
"Whew, that takes a load off!"
The Republicans may rate high with the Moral Majority, but the president can always depend upon rating number one with the Oral Majority.
Message from a Movie Producer: Dear Monica, Do you have a little sister?
Woody Allen, New York, NY
How would you describe Bill Clintons' relationship with Hillory?
Monicamous.
Monica seems to have a taste for power. This may be demonstrated in the future when Penthouse pays her over a million for some naked evidence of her abilities.
Clinton looks out his Oval (Oral?) Office window and there outlined or "written" by urine in the snow: "Screw You Bill!"
Enraged he orders a Secret Service agent to tell him who is responsible for this.
"Mr President, we do know who is responsible. The fact is that I have bad news and even worse news."
"Gimme the bad news first", shouts Bill.
"Ok, your vice-president Al Gore did this."
"Now gimme the worst news," says Clinton.
"It's Hillary's handwriting."
Clinton finds a bottle, opens it and a genie pops out and grants him one wish.
Clinton wishes for peace in the Middle East.
The genie says there are some things even a genie can't do and tells Clinton to make another wish.
Clinton says he wishes that the whole Monica thing would go away.
The genie says he'll take a second look at the map of the Middle East.
Gary Hart, Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton get caught up in a tornado and transported to the Yellow Brick Road, where they make their way to the Wizard of Oz. The Wizard asks what each wants.
"I want a brain," says Hart;
"I want a heart", says Kennedy.
"Where's Dorothy ?" asks Clinton.
The Joke File
By clicking on the titles, the joke will appear.White House Intern application
Monica Lewinsky letter to public
More Clinton and Lewinsky jokes
A rather rudeEnglish woman
The fly who ate too much
The pigs are delighted
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