The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down. Finally, he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. "Could I please sit in that seat" he asked.
The lady was insulted. "You Americans are so rude." she said, "Can't you see my dog is sitting there?"
He walked through the train more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place. "Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home- so I would be glad to hold your dog if I can sit down." he said.
The lady replied "You Americans are not only rude, you are arrogant."
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, "Lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?"
The lady replied "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant. You are also obnoxious."
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless.
An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up. "Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady's description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."
"Mandy, I am very disappointed by your behavior. Take your knickers down and come here so I can spank you." Mandy sighed and started to bare her bottom. It was so unfair ! It wasn't as if anyone was going to miss Great Aunt Emma....
This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen I have three girls coming over tonight. I never had three girls at once before, I need something to keep me potent."
So the pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small black cardboard box with an "X" and says, "Here, if you eat this you'll go nuts for twelve hours."
The guy says, "Gimme 3 boxes."
Next day, same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's dick is black and blue, the skin's hanging off in places. The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Absorbine Jr."
To which the pharmacist replies, "Absorbine Jr.? You're not going to put Absorbine Jr. on that are you?"
The guy says, "No... it's for my arm, the girls didn't show up."
Little Monica Lewinsky
Got a dribble or two on her chinsky
Now Bill's in hot water
As quite well he oughter
For giving her the ol' out and insky.
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