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This fellow was walking along a stream bank one day and spotted a frog sitting on a stone. He studied the little amphibian for a moment, when all of a sudden the frog spoke. "If you will kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess."

The fellow bent over, picked up the frog and put the little creature in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The good-looking young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and then returned it to his pocket. This time the voice coming from his pocket sounded desperate. "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess I promise I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!"

Again, the rather intelligent looking young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it right back into his pocket. Finally, the frog became very impatient and said, "What is the matter. I told you I am really a beautiful princess and that I would stay with you for a week and do whatever you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

"Look, I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for dilly-dallying around with a girlfriend, but I think having a frog is cool."

*****
Over-heard between two blondes walking down the street: "You mean a penal colony isn't an all male nudist colony?

*****
One day this fellow was out in front of his house raking leaves when he noticed a hearse driving slowly past with another hearse following. Behind the second hearse their walked a man followed by a dog. Not far behind the dog and walking in single file were what looked like at least another 200 men.

Intrigued, the raker dropped what he was doing and went running out into the street where he collared the man with the dog. "Who is in the first hearse," he quickly asked the man.

"My wife," answered the walking fellow.

"What happened?"

"She was bitten by my dog and died," said the walking fellow.

"Well, if that's the case, who is in the second hearse?"

"My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well," related the walker.

"The would-be leaf-raker thought about that a minute and said, "Can I borrow your dog?"

"Sure, just join the back of the line," replied the walker.

*****

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