The other day Ray Charles went to the doctor for a checkup. After the examination the doctor told Ray "I have some good news and some bad news."

Ray said, "Give me the bad news first."

The doctor said, "I am afraid we got some bad results from one of your tests, and we are going to have to operate and cut off your left testicle."

Ray sort of winced, pondered a bit, and said, "Well, what's the good news?"
To which the doctor replied, "You still got the right one baby, uhh huh."

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in LA and he's stopped in traffic and thinks, "wow, this traffic seems worse than usual, we're not even moving."

He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars and he rolls down his window and says, "Excuse me officer, what's the hold up."

"O.J. just found out the verdict, he's all depressed. He's lying down in the middle of the highway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. He just doesn't have millions of dollars for the Goldmans. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

The man says, "Oh really, how much have you gotten so far?"
"So far....ten gallons."

Having her hair done at a West Hempstead, NY, beauty parlor, a Woman told a cautionary tale about racial prejudice.

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, the woman related she won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she would stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat" she told her husband and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big.... very big... and intimidating figure.

The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot; they look like perfectly nice gentlemen, even if one of them is awfully black.

But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered, and ashamed.

She hoped they didn't read her mind but knew they surely did; her hesitation about joining them on the elevator was all too obvious. Her face burned. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her.

My God, she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!
Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore. Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor."

Instinct told her: Do what they tell you. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator carpet A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed.

More seconds passed. She heard one the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor your going to, we'll push the button."

The one who had said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. She lifted her head and looked up at the two men.

They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet.

One of the men, the average sized one, told her, "When I told my man here to hit the floor, I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am." He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

She thought: My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself. She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were robbing you? She didn't know.

The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they insisted on walking her to her room.

She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them laughing while they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room -- a dozen roses. Attached to each rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill. A card said: "Thank you for the best laugh we've had in years."

It was signed, "Eddie Murphy and Bodyguard".

A young boy goes to a nudist colony with his mom and dad. After about an hour, the boy comes up to his mother and asks, "Mom, how come some women have really big boobies, and some women have really little boobies?"

Not sure of how to answer the mom thinks for a minute. "Well son, to tell you the truth, the women with really big boobies have a lot of money they are rich!"

Satisfied with this answer, the boy goes back to playing. After about another hour, the boy comes back to his mother, "Mom, I have another question, how come some men have big weenies and some men have little weenies?"

Again, at a loss for an answer, mom thinks for a minute. "Uhhhh, the men with big weenies are just dumb, that's all."

Again, satisfied with this answer, the boy goes back to playing. About an hour later, the young boy comes running back to his mother. "MOM, come here, you have got to see this. Dad is talking to this really rich lady and he is getting dumber by the minute!!!"

The young couple was holding hands in the Sunshine Gardens nudist camp. "When I tell you I love you," he asked, "why do you always lower your eyes?"

"To see if it's true," she answered shyly.

Joan, the well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. " The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we'd appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. " No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed gentleman. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look short!"

Sarah, who was a rather well proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs.

She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.

"The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Sarah asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight.

A young boy had been taken for his first visit to a nudist camp by his parents. He was surprised at the different sizes of the male organs and mentioned it to his father. The father, being rather well endowed, explained that it was a measure of intelligence, the big ones being smart and the small ones being dumb.
That afternoon the father was looking for his wife and asked his son if he had seen his mother.
"I saw her about ten minutes ago, She was with a real dumb man, but he seemed to be getting smarter every minute."

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