There was once a little boy and girl ate lunch together every day. The funny thing is they always had chicken in one form or another. Years passed until one day in seventh grade the little girl came to lunch with peanut-butter sandwiches.
The little boy asked, "Hey, why the change? Peanut butter sandwiches?"
She explained, "Of all things, I'm starting to grow pin feathers down below.
The boy didn't believe her, so after school she pulled down her pants and showed him the pin feathers. Sure enough she was certainly growing pin feathers.
A year had passed when one day the boy came to lunch with peanut-butter sandwiches. Then it was the girl's turn to ask, "Why the peanut-butter?
"I am also growing pin feathers."
The girl didn't believe him, so after school they went out back. The little boy dropped his pants to show her. One look made her gasp and say, "Not only do have pin feathers, you've got the neck and gizzard as well. How remarkable."
I was in my local pub a few weeks ago when a stranger walked in with an ostrich behind him. He grabbed a stool at the end of the bar and as he sat down a small cat jumped up on the stool beside him. Seamus the barman, regarding the trio with curiosity, asked, "What can I get you folks?
The man said," I'll have a pint of your best." Then he turned to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
"I'll have a pint as well," replied the ostrich.
And to the cat he said, "I suppose you want a drink too."
"Yes," replied the cat, "I'll have a half, but I ain't paying for it!"
So Seamus pulled two and a half pints. "That'll be four pounds forty, please."
The man reached into his pocket and to my surprise, he pulled out exactly the right change.
The next day, the man, the ostrich, and the cat returned.
"I'll have a pint of your best," said the man.
"Same for me," piped up the ostrich.
And the cat ordered up a half. "But I ain't paying for it!
Repeat of the previous day. The bloke paid each time with the exact amount from his pocket.
This became a regular routine until, late one evening, the trio entered again. "The usual?" asked Seamus.
"Well", said the man, "It's close to last orders. I'll have a large scotch."
"I'll have a large scotch as well," said the ostrich.
And the cat said, "I'll have a small scotch, but I ain't paying for it!"
The publican rang up the drinks and turned to the man with a sly grin. "That'll be seven pounds ninety, please." To his amazement, the man pulled exactly seven pounds ninety out of his pocket. As the trio were finishing their drinks, Seamus could no longer contain his curiosity. "Excuse me, sir, but before you leave there's something I must know. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket... every time?"
"Well, it's a long story.... Several years ago I took care of an old lady well into her nineties, and when she died, she left me her house. Nothing special, just a regular house. But as I was cleaning out the attic I found an old lamp, and when I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
"That's fantastic", said Seamus. "What did you wish for?"
"Well, whenever I need to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right money will always be there."
"That's brilliant" observed Seamus, "Most people would wish for a million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live."
By this time my curiosity finally got the better of me, so I chimed in, "One last thing, sir. Err, your friends there... We don't get many cats drinking in here, and as for the ostrich..."
The man looked glum. "Yes, I know. That's probably the
most stupid thing I ever did, but I'm stuck with 'em. You see,
for my second wish I asked the genie for a chick with long legs
and a tight pussy."
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