Control

        "Control comes and goes. It can be there and gone, it can be sought for and never found or it can be woven into one's tapestry of life. Control is an elusive trait. Just when you think you have a fair amount of experience with it and feel it is there on a daily basis, an incident will happen that destroys the whole illusion.

        Temper is a part of a person's emotional range and can be expressed in small or large amounts of energy. It can flare up like a geyser or bubble like hot water in a pot or the steam from it. 'Out of hand' temper turns into rage and control goes with it. Stress, turmoil and anger is a combustible combination. We cannot all be calm as a smooth lake - or as deep. Nor is it wise to be so non-reactive that all of life's experiences pass by without a reaction, staying in a neutral state of mind - not venturing to express any emotion.

        How then can we put a harness on control? How do we reign it in and then let our will ride free? We handle the reins somewhat like those that guide a horse. We can handle the reins loosely or hold them tightly. It is harnessing the energy, it is allowing the expression but maintaining the guidelines that allow for the expression but within limits. Too tightly held and nothing moves, no emotion is forthcoming and if it is there it is held tightly inside. This is not a healthy thing to do nor is it a healthy thing to explode. If we can see in our mind's eye that we have the ability to take charge, then the freedom to express will be forthcoming.

        Control spreads. With it comes a sense of power to some people. Wars are fought over the challenge of control. Relationships are broken with control. Stringent forms of punishment become evident with too much control. We hear of people who appear calm and always in control and there is surprise when that person explodes into violence. There is disbelief. Think of emotional control as building up energy underground as in a volcano and then it erupts. It can seethe for many measurements of time but when least expected it can then spew forth. This leads to violent behavior that is rage and fear mixed together.

        We all have certain amounts of stress in our life. These little annoyances can become a building force of energy that we are unaware of until it pops up. If we look at ourselves and become aware of the annoyances and stress of our life, we can learn to see them coming much as traffic signals. We can see that we need to slow down, show caution, go forward or stop. As we become aware of the thermometer of our energy, we can use a mental picture of the traffic signals to help us control these stresses. If there is a particular thing that is most troublesome label it as a stop sign, then proceed with caution.

        Control elicits a negative reaction by the word itself. Yet think of the world without control, without laws to guide or provide an outline of acceptable behavior. It would be chaos. Yet in that realm of governing, again we can see the results of excesses of control - the dictatorship or power of one who desires the sense of control over many.

        Controlling others is a delicate procedure which must be done with fairness and wisdom. One does not have a class, for example, where there are not guidelines of behavior. In the range of those responsibilities needed for those who are the leaders or 'head' of others, there must be a balance of control which allows for freedom, yet manages strength and order.

        Controlling the self is a lifetime experience that is easily learned by some and not so easily learned based on the temperament of the individual. It is up to the individual to assess the range of emotional behavior which is the makeup of that person. By inventorying and becoming aware, one makes the first step. Then by using a mental guide picture of traffic lights or some other symbol and learning to handle the reins well, the balancing act of maintaining control will become easier."