Initially I was going to write to today about "Jealousy and the human psyche" but I think that this has been adequately covered and perhaps it is time I moved away from Darwinian theories!!! afterall, he seems to have been a regular theme in my last few postings. I decided to move away from that and consider something much closer to home, "the games we play".

First, you always have to remember to think separately about proximal and distal causes. Sexual jealousy is something you FEEL, and hence it is proximal, and we are trying to explain WHY you would feel it by finding what distal advantage it might have given those ancestors who felt it, advantages in terms of survival and/or reproductive success. (Distal = far, Darwinian. Proximal = near, Personal.)

Now our ancestors definitely did not feel anything, proximally, about "passing on their genes." The gene success story is distal. They might well have felt jealous about their partners, but we're trying to figure out WHY.

Sexual jealousy is not likely to have the same distal basis in men and women, because for women there is no uncertainty about whether the baby in which they are investing nine months during pregnancy and many more in successfully rearing it until the age of independence is really their own. Not so for men. They could be investing in someone else's genes, and that unfortunate tendency would be a sure ticket to genetic oblivion. So male sexual jealousy would be connected with concerns about paternity (distally: proximally it would just take the form of sexual and romantic jealousy, and its concerns).

But it takes two to rear young successfully, and the female only gets a dozen or fewer chances at genetic immortality (that's more than the number of pregnancies that are likely to lead to a surviving adult child in one human lifetime, especially in the "original environment" in which these traits evolved). So she needs to be choosy in selecting whom to risk those precious few pregnancies with: She not only needs someone who is genetically and physically fit, but also someone who will likewise invest his resources in the child-rearing. So female jealousy is likely to be focused on signs of commitment in a potential mate (and fidelity in an actual one), because females who were indifferent to that would have become pregnant and been abandoned, and hence less likely to be able to rear their kids to independence, and hence that indifference would NOT be passed on.

The male does not just have a dozen potential offspring, but a limitless number of them -- IF he adopts a reproductive strategy of mating with as many females and possible but not sticking around to be tied down. Under those conditions, he doesn't even have to bother being jealous, because he'd have so many chances at the Darwinian lottery, he could take a "win some, lose some" attitude.

And this is probably how human sexuality would be, if the situation were symmetric. But whereas the male does not have much to lose from MANY relatively unselective matings with MANY partners, the female does. So females don't usually collaborate with males in such strategies. The male therefore has another strategy, and that is to bond with a single mate, but to make sure he is the only one (otherwise he has even fewer genetic lottery tickets than the female!).

What should be apparent from this is not only that sexual jealousy serves a different distal function in men and women, but that it is all based on a basic reproductive CONFLICT OF INTEREST between males and females (because of the nature of mammalian reproduction). What's best for the goose is not best for the gander, and vice versa.

No wonder there is so much trouble in human sexual relationships! We don't have an optimal system distally, and so it is hardly optimal proximally (emotionally). It is good enough to get us by, to the next generation, but it could hardly be described as a STABLE form of bonding.

And before you start to question me I am very aware that, "From a human perspective, if our ultimate goal is to gain the resources needed to propagate the species, then how do we explain homosexual behaviour. Male to male, female to female sexual relationships surely can't produce any offspring." I don't know the answer, but what i do know is that we humans are resourceful characters and where there is a will to survive there is a way!

Disclaimer: This is not an original piece of work it was stolen from this mailing list: [a]

Moving away from home to go to University, working in many Cities, Towns and Countries I feel qualified to discuss the games people play. I am not talking about the sort of games you will find here or here. I am talking about those relationship games played amongst men and women.

• Women (Why are women different...is one click away)

Typically, a woman will say to me I really like a guy but don't want to appear too pushy, he has my number how long do you think it will be before he calls me? My usual response is "Girl, pick up the damn phone and call him!!!", but No Way! Cannot do that as it makes her appear too easy......equally, if he does call and she is out, "how long shall I leave it until I return his call?"

Listen, I am not one of those people who subscribe to the "Hunter, Gatherer" type theories...if you want something you go for it...if you sit on your fat lazy ass and wait for something to happen then someone else will come along and move in...

• Men/Boys!!!! (boys will be boys!!!....is one click away.....or will they?)

Men? Now let me first qualify that statement "men" is probably a little too strong a term to define the majority of the "male" population most of whom will never develop beyond the early stages of puberty. To give them their more apt generic term,"boys" really P*ss me off when they are out on the town, they see a pretty girl and do nothing about it, they stand there gawping looking like store dummies and being equally effective! Equally, women don't you just hate boys who get incredibly jealous at other boys looking at you because of the fact that you look great when you go out!!!! (I use the term boys here because as any woman knows a real man would either have the decency to leave you alone or the intuition to rescue you from your current predicament)

The old adage remains true for both sexes. If you have got it flaunt it. Remember we are here for a good time not a long time.

So today if you see someone who puts a smile on your face say something....a simple "hello".....no need for a witty opening line....no need for chocolates, flowers or the right situation. The time is now, the time is right...just do it.......

Another thing, once we have our partners why the hell do we then try to start changing them?

And why the hell does everybody I know come to ME when they have a problem in their relationship?????? who am I Dr Love!!!!!! Hahahah who knows? but keep up the good work.....I remain, confused, puzzled, and deeply deeply in awe, love and respect of the female of the species.........and finally a response to all you cynics out there.......Jonah, a real man and gentleman to boot.

Cynics Corner:

• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
• It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
• Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible.
• Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
• How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful.
• I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months... I don't like to interrupt her.
• A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
• If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
• A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he's finished.

Suggested Links:

The difference between men and women is complex at the best of times, to muddy waters further there are even differences between the same sexes that make your toes curl! Consider, men as the traditional hunter, lean, mean aesthetic in every sense a classical greek god, then wake up! The nightmare on e-street has begun! enjoy an adventure into a womens biggest nightmare.