Revelation

Thursday
August 7, 1997
St Kilda East.

What an interesting night. I finally got to meet someone I had heard bucketloads about, and I heard some news that I did NOT expect. The meeting went well, we had dinner and polite, smiley chat and then we went home. It was the after dinner conversation that was a revelation. Outside, as I was being walked to the car, and at great length once we reached the car then was the time for news that had been a long time coming.

Of course I can't divulge it here - it's not my news to give, as it was told privately I will keep its nature private.

It was happy, sad, joyous, desperate, confusing news. I had, and have many mixed feelings about it. Some of the information I don't know what to do with, other parts I'm happy to sit on and wait. When you are going through a time in your life that is searching, reaching right down into the mire at the core of your being, a lot of signal noise comes up with the pure sweet sound of high speed data transmission. For me, it is time now to sit back and watch and wait. A new person will emerge soon, and I can't wait to see that, but the journey there, from here on in is going to be a painful one.

When you share a friendship with a person who is so fundamentally the same as you, and so many elements of the union are mirrored in your own experience it's so hard to remain detached. For my friend the heightened pain and suffering leading up to the realisation and recognition is over, but the part of the process that ensures the emergence of a strong, whole person is still to come, and it is this time that is the most difficult. I just know somehow, that she will make the necessary changes to achieve her goal.

I went through a "mini" (very mini) version of the whole revelation process with another friend earlier in the year. I honestly thought she was going to emerge changed. But she just gave up, went through all the months of pain leading up, then got a little angry and hurt, but essentially closed her mouth and settled back into the lifestyle that was making her unhappy.

It was Pip's last day at work today. Yay! I'm so glad to be rid of her. Well I thought that, but when it really came time to say goodbye I was really sorry to see her go. I've felt different about her since I got the job she wanted, and Shaun got the other job. I really wished then, and find myself wishing most days that we were still working together. I really fed off the competitive atmosphere she created. Now I just slack off and go at my own (lazy) pace. Yet even though she is leaving I have this feeling that it isn't going to be the last I see of her, I'm convinced we'll meet up again somewhere. Bye, bye Ms Denton!

So it's like 2am, and I'm meant to be packing for Sydney. Fuck it, I'm going to bed.

For my Listening Pleasure
Captain
Something for Kate

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