April 10, 1997
St Kilda
1am
I find that when I say this my days pass by a lot easier. That whole ccp thing happened. So Be It. You didn't go to uni yesterday. So Be It. Its liberating, that's what it is.
I feel as though when I say it, I am giving myself permission to let go. Oh oh, that sounds remarkably like a "pop-psychology", "I learn't that in therapy" - esque thing to say. But god damn, it works.
I emerged from a funk of 5 or so years of broken down, wiped out, depression on the strength of that phrase. It was like a bolt of lightning when I suddenly realised I could just let things go, and not get all wound up and involved with everything. I know this wasn't the whole box and dice, but it freed me up to just be, and to get to know myself without all the baggage I'd been dragging around.
Hm. Work today, with much trepidation. It went ok. It feels a lot like the calm before the storm though. We'll see, I have to go in tomorrow for something else, and let's see what happens then, shall we?
I've noticed my paragraphs getting shorter of late. Is it my wandering mind or just my feeling like there isn't anything all that much going on today. I just got "TIME" this week - my Mum loves that magazine, and has given me a yearly subscription to it each Xmas, since I was sixteen. Anyway. On the front is Ellen Degeneres. The caption is "Yep, I'm gay." My reaction, "Uh, rilly?", gee I'd never had known if you'd not told me. The vacuous article is juxtaposed with an article on Washington (DC) arms deals and how the Pentagon works. I just wish Adam would come back and then the whole Ellen thing would go back to normal.
I suppose it's just me, but is it such a big deal? I thought everyone was ok with all that now. I mean you could put it on telly here and no one would even care, but because its going to air in the US, well, let's all have a ballyhoo first. Be all right wing and conservative, and conservative religious moron about it. But then I have to keep in mind that the States still argues endlessly about abortion, and every second news story I hear those f***** pro- lifers are shooting up people, or picketing, and the laws are being challenged in court or in the senate. I mean what about a persons - not just a womans, but a persons right to choose? To choose to be gay, to choose to have an abortion. Even though I'm on the bottom of the world, and we may get movies ' n ' stuff a little later than ya'll, I like living in Australia. Where lobby groups really are people who have banded together to change things, and you can get an abortion, be gay and on telly or in a movie, and no one gives a shit. In any case Aussies are just too darn lazy and laid back to get up and do anything, or meddle in anyone else's business. Must be the warm weather.
Please don't send email about the above. I temporarily left my body for a spot of astral surfing. I have returned, and all is back in order. Tally ho crew members, check starboard and full steam ahead.
Ahem, I gotta get some sleep now. Tired and a little drained today.
For My Listening Pleasure...
The Smiths
Louder Than Bombs