WHERE HAS MY BEAUTY GONE?
God, you say there is beauty in every living thing
but where has my beauty gone?
You say you create beauty
out of brokeness and dispair
but where has my beauty gone?
I feel anger and shame for what is shown to me.
OH GOD! Where has my beauty gone?!
I cry out to You, but not in vain,
hoping for a day when my beauty I would see again.
God, I'm waiting, I am seeking your ways.
Please bring this beauty back my way.
Though I am sounding as selfish as could be,
all I really want is for this pain to leave,
so that from this bondage I will be set free.
(By Nancy Fifi aka Kaota)
Here are my recent feelings towards myself, they are not wonderful, and they don't paint a pretty picture, but these words print truth.
I am captured in a bondage of where my outter beauty disappeared and alot of my inner beauty left with it. Some that know me may say this has not been true, but it has. Is there such thing as beauty in anger, self hatred, self pity, depression, denial, blaming everyone and everything, sarcasm, hiding pain behind a smile? I didn't think so. So I guess you can say that some of my inner beauty has left me, but even so I have hope, not that I will get myself out of this mess that I have created but that God will take care of me through all of this.
I know I can't do this on my own, because I have been trying. But God can, has, and will do amazing things in my life. I know He loves me, and cares for me. I know He will help me and also you, just give your life to Him, He will help you through all your troubles. You don't have to face them alone. Also God has given me Christian brothers and sisters to lean on, in time of need. I boy did I need them!
I am weak but through God and His children I will be made strong. If you believe this, which is very much written thoughout the Bible, then you will have hope also, you will know you are not alone in your weakness and that God has a plan to get you out of it. You will know that though you may be crying today that God is preparing you for a time of healing. But even so, God intends for our Christian brothers and sisters to reach out to us in time of pain, so that we get a shoulder to cry on, a wonderful bond between believers can be built , and trust and loyalty would become a part of our daily lives.
What a time of encouragement this would be for the hurt that they feel cared for by God's children and that compassion is shown to them in the midst of their pain. So please take heart if you are in the same situation I'm in, and that you have a loving God as I do, for He and His children will comfort your hearts and give you encouragement and God will bring healing unto you. That is where my faith is, and may that be where your faith is also.
I Love Jesus!!!
This Jesus Saves
site is owned by Nancy Fifi
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