Why am I telling this story? By hearing true stories we can learn of some wonderful things God is doing today, how He comforts us when we suffer, and what lessons we can learn through fiery trials. Hearing others' stories about God's loving care can increase our faith in His character, for we see His character in action. God does not work the same way with every person or in every situation, but His kind, covenant-keeping love is always the same. He says He will never leave or forsake us, He authors and finishes our faith, and He will cause all things to work for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Having such a wonderful God, can we not learn to trust Him with our lives, our families, and all we hold dear? That is my prayer for all of us - that we can hold fast to Jesus by looking at and following Him no matter what He allows us to go through. His purpose through all our trials is to bring us to spiritual maturity. Will you ask Him for the grace and courage to allow Him to finish that process in your life?
Have you ever been through an event so catastrophic that for years it became the dividing line, the "before and after" point around which everything else in your life revolved? Such an event happened to me on Friday, May 6, 1983. It was only one of many things God used to keep me in the fire during that season of my life. I admit it was something I would never have volunteered for, but I can also say without it I wouldn't be who I am becoming today. It took me years to really begin to see the fruit from that season of my life, but the benefits have been far-reaching.
My children and I were visiting my parents when IT happened. We arrived at their home while my parents vacationed in Florida; we used to live nearby, and it was a good chance for me to see some friends... . The plan was to stay for a few more days after they returned to catch up on news and let grandpa and grandma see their lively grandkids.
My folks got home about sundown Thursday evening, and the next day we decided to visit my sister and her family who lived about thirty miles away. It was a sunny spring afternoon (early May). Dad was driving, Mom sat next to him, and our three guys and I were in the back seat. We were driving along a two-lane state road when a huge semi crossed the center line. He was avoiding a car ahead that had suddenly put on its brakes in front of him. That car turned off, but the semi driver didn't get back in his lane soon enough. I heard an "Oh, no..." from Dad, and felt the beginnings of a jolt as this truck hit us head on at 55mph, while a small furniture store delivery truck hit us from behind.
I must have blocked out the impact; the next thing I remember is vaguely hearing one of my children emit a thin, high-pitched, in-shock type scream. As I came to, I noticed broken glass everywhere, and both my parents' seats were collapsed onto our laps. Dad and Mom were chalk white, bleeding slightly, and moaning. In the midst of this I heard a quiet, calming impression. The words were very distinct: "I'm taking your Dad home to be with Me, and I am going to raise your Mom up." Suddenly there were people helping the boys and me out of the car, and then we were on the roadside waiting for an ambulance to take us to the hospital ten minutes away.
At the hospital a doctor examined the boys. He told me (from oldest to youngest) Jonathan had a broken jaw, Andrew had a broken knee, and Micah had a concussion, and that they were going to take x-rays to confirm it. My brother-in-law, who had just arrived with my sister, went with the boys when they got tetanus shots and x-rays. While my sister and I were waiting for the results, a hospital employee told us it had taken them two hours to cut our parents out of the car, and that it was a miracle any of us had survived. He also broke the news that Dad died in the ambulance en route to another hospital. (This was no surprise to me because of the impression I had in the car. In fact, it was so clear that I expected my sister had been prepared as well. She was not.) Lastly, he said they were bringing our mother in to this hospital right then, and that she was critical. Soon after, my brother-in-law came back with our guys. The x-rays showed nothing wrong - no broken jaw, no broken knee, and no concussion.
Being children, the guys recovered from the initial shock faster than I did. A nurse told us they wanted to observe them for a time. Then friends brought hamburgers, and the boys perked up considerably. (The smell also probably made the nurses hungry!) Hospital personnel were keeping us in a room right off the nurse's station, but after supper, the tables turned - the guys started observing them, bombarding them with questions like, "What's that? Why are you doing that? What are those things? What's that tray for?..." with normal 2, 3 1/2, and 5 1/2 year old curiosity.
The nurses soon decided they didn't need to observe the guys anymore (they'd have had time for nothing else with all the questions!). Having asked the Lord for direction as I had quite a bit of pain in my left shoulder and back, I felt I was to go to my sister's house along with the boys (please see my note below on this kind of decision). I needed help getting up and down, but we managed. Since I hurt too much to lay down when we got there, they put me in a recliner with lots of pillows.
I was too weak to attend Dad's funeral on Monday morning. (Mom couldn't attend either since she was still critical.) By that evening I'd gained enough strength to go for a ride if we used pillows, so the guys and I were moved to my parents' home about 30 miles away (I wasn't strong enough to endure the four-hour ride home yet). Friends came from my parents' church who could watch the guys and pray for me round the clock, wash my hair, fix meals and that kind of stuff, and play worship songs on guitar at 4:30 am when I woke up coughing and couldn't go back to sleep. (They didn't have to do this last, but it was a real comfort.) Moving me took the load off my sister who was still in shock, six months pregnant, and had three young ones of her own to look after.
All that week many Christians prayed for us. On the following Saturday, a large piece of glass surfaced in Jonathan's eye while he was in the bathtub, but the friend who was bathing him was able to get it out without it cutting him in any way. By the next day, Sunday (nine days after the collision), I was moving much better. I was able to get in and out of the recliner by myself, and much of the stiffness and soreness had left. However, my left arm and shoulder were still extremely weak and very sore. My muscles had been very bruised, and were going to take awhile to recover.
I went to church that morning and heard an encouraging sermon, then came back to rest. A friend I hadn't seen in a long time came quite a distance to see me that afternoon. She'd decided to come visit on Tuesday when she heard about me, but as she prayed that morning, she heard the Lord tell her to come now. She did, and I got to share with her all the good things the Lord had already done in the situation (which I share some of in the Suffering's Lessons on God's Sovereignty section below), and then, being a physical therapist she offered to give me a massage. My muscles were very sore since I had been mainly limited to the recliner, so of course I very thankfully took her up on her offer. She was very systematic and it was a real treat. It took her two hours to get me relaxed (talk about supernatural strength, having to work on someone who's in a recliner the whole time!), but by the time she was done, I was as limp as a noodle.
I dozed for about twenty minutes, and then I was awakened by a familiar feeling. I was in labor. You see, I had three previous experiences in that department and knew what it felt like. It was the shortest labor I ever had, and nearly painless; at about 2 a.m. Monday morning, on the tenth day after the collision, I had our little girl. She was not due for two more months, and she was stillborn; her head was crushed during impact. There was nothing the doctors could have done about it if they had seen me earlier, except possibly induce labor.
Needless to say, this made things even more emotionally difficult for me. However, God was good to me in so many ways during this time! I knew He was right there, and He met every need. After the baby was born (Dawn Michelle, whom I am eagerly waiting to meet in heaven), I rested a few more days, and prepared to come home. Now it was time to truly begin to recover under the Lord's direction.
I rode the four hour trip home (still with lots of pillows) the next Friday - two weeks to the day after the accident. Since I still felt God was saying He'd take care of me, I asked for His strategy as to how to rebuild my body and my life.
Note about this approach - please bear with me; this is very important: I have learned since this trial that if God tells me not to go to a doctor, He will give me wisdom and a strategy as to how to walk through the trial just as He did in this instance. Even if it takes a bit to understand the strategy or to see the healing, His peace will surround me as I fight fear and focus on Jesus.
My goal, however, must never be simply to get rid of the problem. In one sense, whether or not to see a physician is not the issue when a physical trial comes up. I must seek God. I must seek His wisdom, His plan and His purpose so I can cooperate with Him, not get Him to cooperate with me. I know my Father well enough now to know that however He leads will cause me to grow and mature in my faith in, knowledge of, and relationship with Him if my highest goal is seeking Him.
One thing I'm absolutely sure of - the Lord doesn't want me - or anyone else - to die early because of the doctor issue. How can my faith grow if I die?? God is merciful. We are to thankfully walk in His grace, whatever we do.
God used this time to begin to establish a godly foundation for emotional healing. - How long did this emotional healing take? Probably longer than it would have had not other very difficult things been happening in my life at the same time. Probably much longer than it would have if an incident (which I'm not going to mention now) that happened about a year and a half later hadn't "ripped off the bandage" from the slowly healing emotional wound, making me have to start healing all over again, with another loss added. But I discovered emotional healing has its own pace in each person, and if we remain open to God, resist self-pity, and be honest with God it will happen.
One proof I can offer you that God was faithful and emotional healing did come is that I can write this testimony. I've been working and praying on it for at least six weeks, but I'm really okay inside. Also, this month has been the anniversary of the collision. I didn't even remember it on that day. I still feel sad on Father's Day sometimes, but I can thank God I know where Dad is. I often think of the reunion that is coming. I know we don't contact the dead, and we certainly don't need to pray for those who died in the Lord (they have all their needs met!), but I firmly believe our loved ones who have gone before us are allowed to pray for us, since they are part of that great cloud of witnesses Hebrews talks about who are rooting for us to finish our race faithfully. Now that's an encouragement! I will always carry them in my heart, but I can walk on now with my life, leaving them in God's wonderful safe-keeping. Thank You, dear Jesus!
This was the first of many small achievements. When I could make it a block and a half one way, I had a reward - a friend lived on that corner, and I could visit her. (This gave me the idea to set up rewards all along my path at particular milestones.) I had to walk very slowly - but the advantage was that since the area we lived in had many beautiful trees and flowers, I got to view them up close like I never had before. (Looking at the beauty reminded me that God brought beautiful things into our lives if only we have eyes to see them - and beauty was healing to my battered soul.) It took me well over a month to make it to the library (and back), but the reward was worth it! I'd spend hours reading as I couldn't cook or clean or take care of kids much yet, and since I went there quite often for exercise, I'd run into Christian friends who were praying for me, and get lots of fellowship and encouragement.
It took me three or four months to regain much of the use of my left arm and shoulder. I was faithful to exercise my arm, but after about three weeks I seemed to get "stuck." I couldn't move my arm out straight any farther than shoulder height. Again I began praying (I learned a lot about persistent, dependent prayer during this season). One day I was in church, pacing in the lobby because of the cough and the shoulder pain when someone said (I could still hear the service over a speaker), "The Lord says there is someone here with a problem in their left shoulder. If they will lift their arm slowly over their head, He will heal it." Well, I decided even though there might be others with that pain, that word was for me. So I thanked the Lord, then lifted my arm with much pain slowly over my head. Was I instantly healed? No. However, from that day forward there was a progressive healing, and I regained flexibility over the next few months. It was several winters before I could wear a heavy coat without pain, and a very long time before I could sit at a computer for hours, but I am fully functional without pain now most of the time. (You want proof? - I'm writing this web page aren't I? I praise God for the regained ability!!)
During my recovery, (it took about five months to get my strength and stamina back enough to take care of our little ones) Christian friends helped us by watching our boys each day during the week. Others came and brought meals. I had friends wash my hair and clean my house. I learned a lot about receiving!
What of my mother? She nearly died of pneumonia the week after the collision, but God did raise her up. The bones in one ankle were shattered and splintered. A metal plate was put in to hold things together. It's still there. An elbow was shattered as well, and she had a rod and pins put into her arm, which are there today, as well. She was in a hospital bed in her home all that summer, and she had to relearn how to walk. - She was two weeks short of her 57th birthday the day of the collision. I got to watch her perseverance, courage, and faith as she progressed to a wheelchair, a walker, and then her own two feet.
Today, 15 years later, the Lord has her in a church where she is very fruitful. She walks slowly in body (without a walker or cane), but her walk with the Lord is moving right along and growing deeper every day. A new family has been given to her; she is surrounded by a pastor and many others (besides her children) who love her dearly. She teaches a class of retirement-and-up age Christians, and has been privileged to share with them the great things the Lord has done in her life. As a deaconness, she is also able to give others the same kind of compassion, encouragement, and comfort she received from the Lord in her time of need. To my mind, she is a walking illustration of 2 Cor 1:3-4, which says, Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. (KJV)
This trial had many lessons for me. I am convinced that the Bible says it is difficult to learn some things if we don't go through some severe trials. However, it isn't just the act of going through trials that teaches us. In fact, it is entirely possible to go through severe situations repeatedly and learn nothing.
The Bible tells us that to learn from our trials, we must not grow bitter, we must not grow weary, and we must continue to seek the Lord, not just the solution to what we think is the problem. I am reminded of a book by Paul E. Billheimer entitled, Don't Waste Your Sorrows. While I don't agree with everything he says, I do agree that this earth is a training ground, the Lord uses trials to mature us, and it is up to us as to whether they will have their desired effect. He says if we won't let the Lord accomplish what He desires through them, we have suffered for no reason. By God's grace, I intend to learn everything I possibly can from a trial. I desire to be a 100-fold fruit bearer and bring pleasure to my Lord.
With that end in mind, I invite you to read this last part of my story carefully and prayerfully, thinking of trials you've experienced as well as this one of mine. Have you ever sat down to reflect on what you have learned? If you haven't, you can still learn from those experiences. Let the Lord finish healing your grief, removing your anger, or whatever else has blinded you from the lessons of that trial, and ask God to redeem it and shape your thinking about the experience by His Spirit. As He does so, you'll find you too have a story to share with others.
What impact did the collision have on my life? I learned for really the first time about living with chronic pain. (The most serious things that had ever happened to me before were when I was little, and I started healing before I got to the doctor on both my broken arm and shoulder.)
I learned what it was to be dependent on the Lord and others. I learned to ask the Lord about everything, and persist till I got an answer (a skill that has come in very handy over the years). I learned how grateful someone can be for something that I do for them that seems small to me. If it weren't for my friends and their ever-present meals, we'd probably have been eating peanut butter till it came out our ears. I was saved from dustbunnies many times by my friends who came in wielding dust cloths. Also, I found out how refreshing a hairwashing could be on a hot day when you can't do it yourself! I learned how just a note, a phone call, a visit can help break the monotony of long, hard days.
I learned what it was to lose a parent very suddenly, and a baby you were eagerly looking forward to. I did a lot of meditating during that time on what my heavenly Father went through when He sent His Son to earth to be a sacrifice for us.
I learned what does not comfort in a severe trial - I did some of these things (especially the quoting of Bible verses) to others before I went through this big trial, so I'm not condemning you if you have done it. It's something we don't know unless we've gone through something severe, or unless people tell us. So, here goes. It wasn't comforting for people to give me Bible verses or Christian cliches when I was in shock. I learned by experience that when your emotions are battered, if verses aren't timed right, you can feel people are preaching at you. It wasn't comforting when people acted like they suspected I was in some sin or this wouldn't have happened. It wasn't comforting when people tried to get me to speak positive confessions or do "actions in faith" when I wasn't ready, implying if I didn't that I wasn't trusting the Lord.
On the other hand, I learned how God's people could bring much comfort in such a time. - The most powerful comfort came from a lady in church who hugged me (very carefully considering my left shoulder). She had no words - she only cried. You know, that was just what I needed. I felt like stone inside, and her tears melted my heart, and enabled me to cry for the first time. This taught me I didn't have to "be strong" for someone, and I could comfort without words. Other healing comforters sat with me in silence; they were just there and listened if I wanted to talk. They taught me by their gentleness. When I would talk and weep, they (quietly!) just held me before the throne of God. After, when I was drained, they would quietly pray with and for me. From them I learned that it was very healing to express my emotions, and then give them to God. I slowly learned the principle that being a Christian meant I didn't have the right to keep my feelings, but I did have the privilege of giving them to God. It took a long time, but eventually God truly gave me "beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness."
I learned firsthand about God's sovereignty and foreknowledge as I saw how He prepared me in His wisdom, grace, and mercy for this fiery trial. While I was at my folks' home before they got back from Florida, I was enjoying some quiet time with the Lord (as much as you can with three active toddlers, that is!). Being drawn to my parents' books, I really felt impressed to read one story called Terror at Tenerife (though I hardly ever read anything but Bible study type books at that time). It was about a Christian who was in an airplane crash. The only way out was by walking through a solid wall of fire. He stood in faith on God's promise to protect him, and God brought him through. I remember sobbing before the Lord as I read the story, crying out, "Lord, You know how much of a coward I am. I have never been through such a fiery trial. Please, Lord, I ask You for grace to be faithful to You, to trust You if I ever get into a hard trial like that." - Brothers and sisters, I believe with all my heart that the Holy Spirit prompted me to read that book and pray that prayer so God could start to answer it in the next few days.
Here's another example of God's sovereignty and foreknowledge. Being a reasonably young mother who lived four hours away from her folks, I seldom got much quiet time with them. That day before we left for my sister's, though, Mom had a ninety minute hair appointment. In addition, all the kids actually went down for their naps easily, quickly, and without fussing. Dad and I sat down and we spoke of where each of us was in our walk with the Lord. - Brothers and sisters, we talked from our hearts like we hadn't talked in years! What a gift! I believe that God knew my dad was going home that afternoon, and He wanted to give me the gift of that time with him, talking about my favorite subject - the Lord and His work in our lives. It was a precious time I will always remember gratefully.
The fact that Mom and Dad went to Florida and had their best-ever time together just before the collision also speaks of God's sovereignty and love. In addition, His calling my friend the physical therapist to come see me and help relax me the very day of my baby's birth also says He knew and He cared.
You know, I never thought I could endure an auto accident. Through this trial I learned I can endure whatever the Lord walks me through. I saw first-hand His strength made perfect in my weakness.
Lastly, I learned that by His grace, I serve God because I love Him, not because of His benefits. That is something I used to wonder about. Satan always used to tell me I served God because of His goodness toward me, and now I know the truth. God is good.
If you have a story, questions, comments or prayer requests to share, I'd love to hear from you. If you are reading this on paper, my email address is:skywatch5@yahoo.com .
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