One night I and another officer were investigating a report of a man who had stolen $1000.00 worth of money orders from one business and cashed them at another location. We leave the original scene, and go to the location where the stolen MO's had reportedly been cashed, only to learn that our suspect had already called offering to make good on the money orders. After obtaining statements and the actual money orders as evidence, we go back to the original scene again, only to learn that the suspect has called them too. In fact, he's on his way to " clear the whole thing up " with the store manager. Well, we had a welcoming commitee ready for him, and took him into custody when he showed up with the $ 1000.00 he had obtained illegally. He was also possessing a small quantity of marijuana (not his, he said), and continued to deny taking the money orders, even after being told that he was on video doing it. His story was pretty amusing, but it didn't do him any good! . He was taken to jail. While we were booking him, the other officer was logging the $ 1000.00 in as evidence. This knucklehead actually asked, seriously, if he could use the stolen money to post his bail! I don't think he liked the answer. He thought it was his to use as he saw fit......Sgt. Rick Waldie, Winnemucca Police Dept.

This is long but... We had caught a rape suspect one evening several hours after it occurred. We went by to get the victim for an ID but she had two children and couldn't leave. I volunteered to watch the kids while my partner transported. I stood on the balcony of the apts having a smoke and my attention was drawn to flickering candles below. Through some mini blinds I could see a man caressing a naked lady. The view was hazy but clear enough to see what was taking place. As I watched he climbed on top and began making love to her.. she didn't move. He apparently finished and got up, covering the lady. He covered the body completely, head to toe, tucking the covers under like he was wrapping a cadaver. It appeared to me as if I was watching an actual case of necrophilia, compounded by all the burning candles as sort of a shrine. He then laid next to the body and began rubbing her body through the covers. She never moved or showed any signs of response.I thought I was actually witnessing a case of necrophilia. Upon my partners return, we agreed it needed checking. I knocked on the door and the man asked who it was. When I uttered the immortal word "POLICE!", he killed the light and we could hear rummaging around in the apt. Through the partially closed blinds I could see him moving the body from the bed out of my sight. We banged louder and ordered him to open the door. Just as I was getting ready to kick the door, it opened and we went in. No body. This was a motel room so he couldn't have hid the body that quickly. I went to the bathroom, but nothing. The shower curtain was closed and I was sure she had to be in there. Pulling back the curtain, nothing! As I turned back into the hall I saw a large pile of clothes that might conceal a body. Fearing the worst I pulled some clothes aside and there she was with a big gash in her side.....the inflatable doll the guy was doing!!!! He panicked when we knocked, couldn't get the air out quick enough so "killed" her, hiding her body. The guy was actually doing plastic. Over 10 years and I still laugh about that one. .....Sgt Keith Underwood, South Gate PD, CA

One day a CHP officer from our office arrives on scene of a non-injury collision, with the local P.D. standing by for us. The coppers are all laughing and snickering as our guy approaches. The CHP is trying to get the info from the coppers about whut happened, but all they can do is point, and tell him to talk to the driver. Now one of the drivers is a very agitated visitor, Asian, who is ranting and raving about suing Ford Motor Co. Our officer attempts to calm him down, trying to find out what happened..well...as it turns out..the visitor was driving the van on one of our freeways when he decides he's pretty thirsty..sooooo he puts on the "cruise control" which he believes to be someting akin to "auto pilot," as he then gets up out of the driver's seat and goes to the back of the van to get a drink. In short order the van goes out of the lane, striking another car. Ruh roh.. Well at last sighting, the tourist still was yelling "Ford no good, Ford no good.." and our guy still had tears running down his face hahhah .....D.L. Grady, California Highway Patrol

Late one evening while on patrol, our dispatch center put out a call of a reckless driver South Bound on US95 heading towards my district. Myself, and two other Patrol Deputy's set up in the area. One of the other Deputy's caught him on radar at 89/55mph zone weaving in and out of traffic and passing on both sides. The thee of us converged on him with all the bells, whistles, and spotlights going. He refused to stop. Being the lead car, I noticed him pointing and waving at me out the drivers side window attempting to get me to pull along side of him (ya right). We called out the failure to yield and set on his vehicle to use the "P.I.T." and I noticed he had a small child with him. OK I thought, plan B. Hmmm, lets follow him for a while in an attempt to set out the spike strips. About one mile later, while he continued to pass on he right, weave in and out of traffic and honking his horn the spike strips were set up just south of the next intersection. Suddenly he makes an abrupt right turn on a side street and pulls into an animal clinic parking lot. He bails out the drivers seat carring a GOOSE. We pull in behind him yelling commands over the PA to "STOP", (ya right, like it ever works) as he is running inside with a little girl fast intow. He makes it to the door and is met by the veterinarian as we are coming up behind him still yelling "STOP"! Still holding the goose with his little girl at his pant leg HE yells back to US, "NO..I'LL be right with you"! Astonished, we follow him inside the animal clinic. Moments later, He admits to driving 90+mph for about 45 miles from a neighboring town just to get to the Vet., weaving in and out of traffic, passing on corners, hillsides and against oncoming traffic all the while carrying his daughter and her goose. GO FIGURE! His reasoning was........the family dog had bitten the goose and it was having breathing problems. He felt it was going to die, because of the way it was breathing., ! and he needed to get it to the animal hospital. Hmmm. Lets see now. Goose-vs-Human life, Hmmm. Drive like an idiot, endagering yourself, your child, and all of the others on the road, fail to yield to three police vehicle with lights and sirens wailing. I asked him if it would have taken sixty seconds to momentarily stop for the three police cars behind him, to let them know what is going on and then proceed to the Vet. Well, I guess you got me there!, he replied. Out of the kindness of our hearts he did not go to jail infront of his daughter. Heh Heh, but, here is several citations for ya!:{) .....Dep. M. O'Brien, Kootenai County S.D.

After stopping three individuals for armed robbery, recovering two weapons from their vehicle and a positive identification from the victim,it was determined that they had stolen a wrist watch and $15.00 in cash. Another officer on the scene asked "Okay, who took this man's Rolex" at which point one of the suspects declared "It ain't no Rolex, it's a Seiko, See?" and took it off of his own wrist. .....Tim Lewis,USSS Uniformed Division.

I investigated a disturbance at a home, when I arrived I found three females trying to explain that one of their vehicles was being damaged by one of their boyfriends. I took and wrote down the information, thinking that it was just another story of a couple having a disagreement. After hearing that they were at a club and had some kind of altercation, where the boyfriend was injured around the head with a beer bottle, it concerned me. I began to look for the boyfriend on the information that I was given. I drove down the street that she said he lived on; as I approached the home I saw a male in the lights up ahead with dark clothing on. When he saw the patrol car he ran for the back door of his house, he gained entry to the home, and I knocked on the door. I could hear someone falling down in the house, so I knocked for a few seconds more and then a male subject came to the door with different clothing on. To my suprise it was the man I just chased inside the house!
His response was to me, and I quote, "Yes, may I help you deputy?". I responded by saying, "Yes, I would like to talk to the person that just ran into the house." The suspect said that he did not understand what I was talking about. I looked at him and he was bleeding from the face, around the forehead,(remember he was struck by his girlfriend with a beer bottle). He said I just woke up and I replied "Did you fall on the way to the door?" He said "No, why?" Well, I told him that he was bleeding from the head and he did not have an answer. He finally told the truth about what had happened earlier that evening. Case closed .....Deputy Kelvin Bryant, Early Co. Sheriff Department, Georgia.

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DEER GETS HIS MAN!

A playful deer cost Timothy Sterling some dough. Sterling,30, had to pay $200 bond to get out of jail in Big Rapids, Michigan, after being arrested on an old traffic warrant by a sheriff's deputy who saw him hitchiking with what appeared to be a huge dog. "It wasn't until I got almost on top of them that I saw that it was a deer," said Deputy Lance Workman. "Almost joking-like, I asked him for the name of his buddy," Workman said. "The guy didn't even know that the deer was there. He was totally surprised." As Workman arrested Sterling-who was wanted in Isabella County-"the deer started nudging me in the back," Workman said. Workman turned on the spotlights and siren of his patrol car, even fired shots over it's head, but the deer wouldn't leave. Gary Lenon, another deputy, lassoed the deer,but when he tried to lead it back into the woods, "all heck broke loose,"Workman said."Gary was being dragged around and knocked down,"Workman said.The deer eventually strolled into the woods unescorted.The suspect said, "Despite the situation I was in, all I could do was laugh.".....Detroit Freepress...January 1990.

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