~*~StarDancer ~*~ Is Born

A New Beginning

So very much had happened in my life...but God had kept His promise to keep His hand on me...to guide me..it has been a hard journey that my soul had taken...but it wasn't to be over yet...I had always thought that when you find God that was it..the end of the road...boy was I wrong.

I had been involved with the dark side of the dark side...so much...I didn't go into a lot of detail about it ..so as not to give the dark forces a lot of press...but now I was to see that even the Light can have it 's dark side...not because of God... but... His followers.

I do not want to Christian bash...as I am a Christian...but I believe it is important to expose all darkness to the light...it is healing and cleansing...there is much hatred...bigotry...and ignorance that follows Christianity....and seen more souls destroyed by other Christians than I would like to admit.

My point of this next chapter is to show..God's infinite love for his children.. in spite of how some of His children give God and other Christians a bad name. And how in spite of adversity...if you just trust in God He will take the awful things of life and use them for good. Don't get me wrong trust did not come easy for me..it isn't a simple thing...it took me years to learn...but once the lesson was learned...it has stuck...and taken so much weight off my shoulders....it dosn't mean I don't feel...or get scared...or not cry...I just have to get myself balanced after an ordeal...and bring myself to where I roll it off my shoulders onto His. And He has big shoulders...He can carry so much more than I can. There is a beautiful peace in knowing your Father is going to make everything ok. It may not be in the way you expect or the timing you want...but trust me...it is just right and right on time...you see we don't see the "big picture" like He can..."we see through a glass darkly".

Now back to my story. I had received my calling...had gone to school to study for the ministry...I wanted to work on the streets...then Dennis came along...we were married...it took a lot of adjustments for both of us...Life was not easy...but the one thing we knew..God has put us together.

We were very poor...sometimes we had no electricity...sometimes no food...life was a struggle. If it weren't for God I don't think we would have made it..our faith was not strong in those days...we were in a church that taught "Faith"...if you believe it to be so ...hold God to His word and it will happen...just call things that aren't as they are and it will happen...BIG BALONEY...if you ever hear anyone in a church talk like this...RUN..don't walk away from them...don't get caught in the lie. This lie has shipwrecked many a persons faith...it all sounds good...but it is a lie.You can't twist God's arm to get what you want. It just dosn't work like that.

Little by little we were feeling uncomfortable at this church...something just wasn't right..they were always having seminars...but somehow there just wasn't the love there that I expected. I was to find out later on just how true this was. I really believed the Bible...that we should conduct our lives like the early church...that we should take care of each other be ready to die for each other. I felt no evidence of this so far in any church I had been in. But I knew there had to be something out there like this...there just had to be.

Well..when I was pregnant with my daughter...I had no one to help me..my pregnancy just wasn't the way I felt it should be...it wasn't joyful...and my dad (the adopted one) made me feel as though I was having an illegitimate child and should be ashamed. It was painful and I was sick...where were the people who should care about me. Finally I was in the hospital..they were going to have to induce labor...I begged one of the nurses to call my pastor...I just knew I was dying...I felt life leaving me...I wanted someone to pray with me...well she called but they couldn't come down.."They were having a seminar"...I was crushed...as it turned out the nurse was furious with them...she called again...awhile later the pastor's wife came in...but she had an attitude like I had really inconvenienced her...I never wanted to see them again...

We finally ended up after awhile in another church...it felt right..life went on pretty uneventfully for awhile...I grew in knowledge and light...little did I know of the horrors that awaited me...We moved out of my dads house..into an apartment complex for awhile...we wanted to move in close to these people...they talked of community...family...we wanted this so bad. And the teaching was so wonderful...I felt we would be there til the Lord came back.

We had to leave the apartments we were in as I had a stroke and couldn't get up and down the stairs any more...and we moved into a trailer close to everyone else in the church.

The Lord had blessed me with a special gift...I knew things about people...I could see when someone was hurting...I saw visions...it was a two edged sword...I also knew when someone was lying...and could see the real spirit that was on the inside.

People like this gift when it helps them ... but when you have to tell someone the truth about themselves....and it isn't pretty...believe me they hate you...especially when they aren't being honest with others and are presenting a lie.

One woman in particular really had it in for me...she had convinced others I was a witch..and was sent to this church to destroy it...her quest was to destroy me...and she came pretty close to doing that...

I ended up really sick...with congestive heart failure...and couldn't go anywhere. No one would come to see me...and they lived right there...they were my neighbors...I was crushed..I didn't know the evil that was being spread about me...it all came to a head...I had given the pastor a gift..a tie...and this woman convinced him that I had cursed it..he threw it in the garbage and then proceeded to give a sermon about it in church...about a witch who had cursed him...I knew he spoke about me...

I don't want to go into all the details that happened at this point...but suffice to say I was almost destroyed..mentally...physically...and spiritually...a more devastating attack couldn't have been devised by man.It was as if all hell itself were out to get me.

But they neglected to realize one thing..I was a "tough ole broad" and had survived worse than this...sure it knocked me off my feet and I didn't ever think I'd get up again...but I truly had God on my side...with His help I got up and came back strong...that and a good friend named Rhonda...who helped me sort out the whole mess and to realize I needed to get mad...and hold these people resposible for what they had done...and the love of a good man..with all this going for me how could I lose.

Well this particular woman left the church...her and many of the others who were her followers...and I called the pastor on the carpet at a meeting...and told him I was furious with him...how could he condone...and not only condone but participate in this spiritual lynching..He repented and cleared my name before all the church.

Don't think I didn't want to leave this church...but I felt God wanted me to stay..for whatever reason ...I had to do it. And as it turns out I was completely cleared...which if I had run..it would have looked bad for me...but she was gone...and here I was..I had won.

Then one day the pastor called a year of prayer...to see the direction we should take..it was an exciting time...my prayer was constantly .."God what am I here on this earth for...what is my purpose"...I had been tried by fire...and came through better than before...God had brought me through something...that had shook my very foundation.

But He had given me so much in return...I was given several visions that showed me where I stood in His eyes...visions I will carry with me til the day I die. I will write these visions in another chapter...they are quite awsome.

I prayed so hard..."God change me...strengthen me...make me the person you wanted me to be." I cried many tears...tears of sorrow for people who didn't know God as He really is...tears of joy..for His being so close I could touch Him....it was a time I will never forget..He did change me...made me strong...gave me a boldness I had never had. I was no longer afraid of man...I could speak out on what I believed even in the face of adversity...I was given many visions...that explained so many spiritual principles..that I don't think I could have ever grasped alone...it was like a time of being taught by God Himself...

I had grown the love God so very much..in a way I didn't think possible...I knew I had a calling on my life...but just wasn't sure of the direction..Meanwhile our church decided to go denominational...big mistake...we got into a beautiful building...but something was lost I was to see as time went on...but my joy and love only grew...I continued to call on God to help me ...find my place.

I wanted to do something so bad...I wanted to make a difference...one day I was just sitting in a chair at home and I got this idea...I would like to make blankets for terminal AIDS patients...yes thats it!!!!....well I called the local "HotLine" and asked what they thought of that..they gave me a couple of numbers for places that help people with AIDS...the very first one I called loved the idea...I was on a roll...I couldn't wait to tell my church...the idea went over like a lead balloon...all the pastor was concerned with was if I was trying to do good works. His attitude floored me...but guess what...I didn't care...I knew in my heart this was the right thing to do...And I was going to do it.

It was funny but my walk with God didn't need anyone's approval anymore...I could finally stand on my own two feet...not only could I stand...I could walk...not only could I walk...I could run...and pretty soon I was to find I could fly...

I loved the worship...I would sing my heart out...I would get up and dance..no small feat..as I am disabled...sometimes I can barely walk...I have diabetic neuropthathy...a heart condition...diabetic retinopathy...I am almost blind...high blood pressure...an eating disorder...and am on numerous medications. But I could dance before God..in joy..in love...sometimes I could feel as if God was embracing me... dancing with me...others I would reach out to Him and almost feel my feet leave the ground...I wanted to go and never come back.

I had, had a fear of death..I was scared of the actual process...but I was healed of that ...I am no longer afraid..I understand death now..it isn't to be feared...it can be a joyful thing...when I die I want those left behind not to be sad ...but to have a party...I will be free of this shell..the real me will come forth...little did I realize a new me had been born...my spirit had been renewed...filled with an energy I couldn't explain.

Little by little my eyes were opened to what was going on in this church...they espoused love...but were cold...they said they cared...they didn't if it wasn't convenient...they were judgmental...and the gap ever widened between what God wanted for me and what they wanted...It finally got to the point God wanted us to move on...what would we do...where would we go...was this truly God...I was scared to tell Dennis...and one day we opened up..and both of us had the same feeling...it was time to leave.

I had talked to the pastor...about my concerns...he let me speak to the lady's meeting...I prayed hard and God gave me a word to say...it wasn't easy...and no one said anything that night...but as it turned out..they had a lot to say afterwards.

But no one could put out my joy...I knew we weren't running from something but running to something God had for us.Little did we know.(Dennis and I)..that our dreams were about to come true in a way that would blow our minds.

My freind Rhonda was going to another church..a little one in someone's house...she loved it...she had been trying to encourage me to get out of where we were at and come there..

Well the decision was made to leave our old church...and once made ...we were to see the true colors of that church would come out...we had to go to the funeral of one of our friends there..a woman we had been friends with since we came...one who pretty much stuck by our side...hardly anyone would talk to us...the pastor came up and kissed me on the cheek and kidded around a bit...it was a Judas kiss....because that Monday he called and told us to never come back to his church again..that he would not prostitute himself with us...which in Christian terms means you are a witch..it hurt..it hurt bad...but God had prepared me and warned me that they could not be trusted...so I cried but God had so much better in store for us.

I had gotten a call from Rhonda to come to her church and I decided to try...I loved it...but Dennis and I had to talk to the minister...once we did it was like a match made in heaven...and our vision was his vision...to show God's love to people..not to judge them...to work with the poor and homeless.

I light this torch for all my friends at Farsight ....to let them know ...I love them so much...they are very special people...I would love to name them all but would be afraid of leaving anyone out...I do have a few special thank you's I would like to give...for RH (a very special man...very spiritual)...kitten(sweet and soft like a kitten)....Paula(we miss you girl...where are you)...and Cleo(another of the sweetest people)...these were the first I met there...who made me feel so welcome...and for Kamar..(the cyber monk...the one responsible for my name)....Pan(actually the one resposible for me writing my story..he gives me so much encouragement)....Miss AngelWolf(you can always find her there...ready to be a friend)...The NeonKnight(a very sweet young man..trying to search for so many answers..also called "the Duke of URL" ...Ufobabe(my spirit sister...beware her crash landings in the room)...GreyCloud(a very special man... a very wise man ...also ufobabe's husband)...REV(a truly outspoken and yet gentle man with a truly warped sense of humour).....Searcher (a seeker of truth..filled with knowledge...truly the Cliff Claven of the ufo community..just teasing Search)...and seeker(a seeker of truth)..and one we call "Face"(he put together the page of pictures so we could put a face to those we all talk to..Thanks Face)..you are all so special...and and a very loving group of people...you hold a special place in my heart.

I love you guys!!!!!!!! A Big ole cyber hug for all of you there at Farsight!!!!

If you would like to see my friends at Farsight...here is a page that...has pictures of the whole gang! Click here

And a special Thank You to Dr. Courtney Brown for having set up a place where we could all meet and keeping it there for us as a special room.You don't know what you have done.We all thank you.

And to Pru ...the webmaster for all the hard work you have done at the site...you are quite loved

This page hosted by GeoCities Get your own Free Home Page