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In Loving Memory Dustin Shane Hay December 7, 1978 - October 24, 1997 |
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In Loving Memory Dustin Shane Hay December 7, 1978 - October 24, 1997 |
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| "Hey, come back, you haven't said goodbye yet," I said as
my eighteen year old son, Dustin, was heading out the door. Instead of
yelling, "bye," and going on out, he came back in, and stood
right in front of me, and said, "Bye, Mom." Dustin, Matt, my
other son, and a friend, were going to a high school football game. It
was raining and dark. The phone rang about an hour later. "You need
to come quick, the boys have been in an accident," a voice on the
other end said. "What, where are they? Are they hurt?" She just
repeated, "You need to come." I ran and put on my shoes, while
telling my daughter, Brooke, that we had to go, and to stay by the phone.
My husband, John, got behind the wheel. We prayed all the way to the accident
scene. As we rounded the bend, I could see so many flashing lights. We
got out of the car, and started running. I could see Dustin's truck up
ahead, and it was still upright, so, for a moment, my heart beat a little
easier. I thought everyone would be alright. A cop came over to us, and
stopped us from going any closer. I said, "Where are the boys? Are
they ok?" He just looked down at the wet pavement, and I knew at that
moment, without another word being said that someone must be hurt bad.
I ran over to the ambulance, and Matt and Brent (their friend) were laying
on stretchers. I asked the EMT if they were hurt, and he said they had
been walking around, but they needed to have xrays. I screamed, "Where
is Dustin?" The man said, "He is still in his truck. They are
getting the Jaws of Life to get him out." "Why aren't they here?
I'm going over there to be with him.". The cop said I couldn't go
over there. "Let me go!!!!!! I have to be with him! I'm his Mom!"
My husband then said the words that would change my life forever. "Dustin
is dead." "No, that's not true. There's been a terrible mistake.
When the Jaws of Life get here, they can help him then." "No,
Lisa, He's gone. They can't help him now." I just collapsed on the
wet pavement, and wouldn't let myself believe what he had just said. My
firstborn, the baby doctors told me I would never be able to have, NO!!NO!!!
They strapped me down on a stretcher beside of Matt in the ambulance, and
gave me a shot. A shot wasn't what I needed. All I needed was for them
to tell me Dustin was alive! Most of the rest of the night is a blur. Matt
and Brent had xrays, and had only minor injuries, which I'm so thankful
for. Two ministers came in and talked to me so kind and gentle, and gave
me words of comfort, but I felt like the only comfort I would have is if
they could tell me Dustin was alive. The days that followed were every
parents' worst nightmare. How could I pick out a casket for my son? How
could I go to his closet and pick out an outfit for him to be buried in?
How could I choose pallbearers to carry my son to his grave? Somehow, decisions
were made and people were called. I stood at the casket, and looked down
at my son, but I needed so bad to see his sky blue eyes, and his famous
smile. I needed him to say, "Mom, I'm going to basketball practice,
Mom, can you fix me a grilled cheese? Mom, I love you." I placed my
hand on his hair, that curly hair, and went back in time in my mind. I
married in 1975, and my doctor told me that I probably would never be able
to have children, which devastated me. But, God made a miracle happen,
and Dustin was born Dec. 7, 1978. I was so happy!!!!! But a day later,
he started having seizures. The doctor entered the room and said "Your
baby has a blood clot on his brain. We will have to do a spinal tap each
day to remove pressure. There can be several complications, I will be frank,
and tell you it could be mental retardation, or paralysis. Right now, we
just don't know." My mind was reeling. I had waited so long for this
little miracle, and now he could possibly die. NO! The next few days were
filled with tests for Dustin. He was hooked to so many tubes, wires, and
beepers, that you could barely see him. He developed pneumonia and jaundice.
Please, God, let him live! And then the second miracle happened. In two
weeks, the blood clot disappeared, and we got to bring him home. I thought
I surely was in Heaven! And, then, the third miracle. Dustrin grew and
developed perfectly. There were no complications from the clot. None at
all!! He was always on the Honor Roll, took Advanced Courses, played basketball,
and won many awards. He was fun-loving, with a ton of friends. I was so
proud of him! He became a Christian, and set an example for others. Even,
at times, when I was sick and couldn't attend church, Dustin always went,
because he truly loved the Lord. "I'm so sorry," I heard someone
say, and I was brought back to reality then, and knew my world could never
be the same. Dustin's funeral was held on Oct. 28, a sunny, warm day. How
could the sun be shining when my whole world was dark? How dare the birds
to keep singing. How dare the world keep spinning when my world has stopped!!
We attend a small country church on a hillside. We rounded the bend, and
my husband said, "Oh, my God, look!" The entire hill was covered
in cars. Later, we were told that Dustin's service was the largest one
our funeral director had ever had in forty seven years of business. What
a testimony to the kind of person Dustin was!!! The days and weeks following,
I can remember portions. So many friends and family members stopped by
and gave us words of comfort and encouragement. We stayed at my sisters'
home for a few weeks, and there were so many friends of Dustin, Matt, and
Brooke, that came by. The days since Dustin's death have been so very hard.
I now understand why counselors say a child's death is the most devastating
thing a person can go through. I had friends who had lost children before,
and I thought I could imagine how they felt, but I found out there's no
way to imagine what it's like until you go through it yourself. I know
I still have a long journey before me, and that life for us will never
be the same. A part of me is missing, and as much as I would want to bring
my precious son back, I know I cannot. I know Dustin is in Heaven, and
is experiencing the ultimate happiness with the Lord, but even knowing
this, doesn't make us miss him any less. I will always try to hold in my
heart the words Dustin wrote to my sister in a card last year. When he
found they were having trouble in their marriage, he wrote, "Go to
the Lord in prayer. He takes cares of everything." The day of Dustin's
accident, I had taken a roll of film to be developed. I had forgotten all
about it until about two weeks after Dustin's funeral. I remembered all
of a sudden, and jumped in the car. I thought several on the roll must
be of Dustin, because he had given me the roll to take and have developed.
I got them, and hurridly thumbed through them. I gasped when I saw the
last picture. Dustin had taken a picture of himself. He was standing in
front of a mirror, and had the most radiant smile on his face that I had
ever seen. While holding the camera in one hand, he was holding his other
hand up and making the "I love you" sign in sign language! Even
though I had never gotten to say "I love you" one last time to
Dustin, I felt like he was getting to tell us for the last time. I felt
like I now knew why Dustin was so adamant about me hurrying to get the
pictures back. P.S. That was the ONLY time in eighteen years that Dustin
had ever taken a picture of himself. Did Dustin somehow sense something
was going to happen and want to give us comfort? I always keep the picture
with me, and look at it and say "II love you, too, Son, forever and
always."
Pictures of Dustin
Dustin, at two, with all those curls.
Dustin, Matt & Brooke in 1985
Dustin doing what he loved best, playing basketball
Dustin - Graduation night May 1997 |
