*This first set of verses were written by me and my daughter, Michelle. We were going to a shower and thought it would be funny to give this to the bride-to-be. Remember, this is written in fun and not to be taken serious. I think laughter is good for the soul and I hope you enjoy this humor page.*

Top 10 Rules For Marriage

Written By: Dottie & Michelle

Never say I'm sorry, for females are never wrong.

If he thinks you did something wrong, lie, lie, lie like a dog. NOT! (just kidding)

Be extra nice to parents in case you have to move back in.

Tell him you're pregnant ever now and then, for that extra TLC.

Take a picture of him in the buff, in case you need it for Blackmail.

Shrink your clothes in hot water sometimes, so this will justify your trips to "Goody's" for new ones.

If he wants lovin, make him clean the oven.

Burn dinner ever now and then, so you can eat out more often.

Keep house untidy so when you do clean, he will appreciate it.

Last-keep a record of all his mistakes, to use as evidence in the future.


18 Easy Ways To Say No! I'd love to, but....

I am waiting on a call from the President.

it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful people.

I have to fluff my shower cap.

I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.

I'm sandblasting my oven.

my chocolate appreciation class meets that night.

I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.

I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.

I promised to help a friend fold road maps.

you know how we psyclos are.

I have to study for a blood test.

I don't want to leave my comfort zone.

my subconscious says no.

I have some real hard words to look up in the dictonary.

I never go out on days that end in "Y".

I just picked a book called, "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.

I feel a song coming on.

having fun gives me prickly heat.


Worst & Best Lines

Your daddy must work at a juice factory, because your so very fine.

If you were a burger at McDonalds, I'd call you "McBeautyfull"

"Hello my name (your name) but you can call me tonight."

Start feeling the back of his or her shirt's neckline and when they ask what are you doing say, "looking for the tag that says made in heaven."

"Is your father a terrorist? Because you're the bomb."

"If I could but live as one your tears-to be born of your eyes, to live on your cheek, and to die on your lips."

"Want to dance?" (no, thank you.) "Don't thank me, be thankful someone asked you!"

(Hey baby, where have you been all my life?) "For the first half of it, I probably wasn't borned yet."

"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

"Is there an airport nearby, or is that just my heart taking off?"

"If you were a booger, I'd pick you first."

Would you like to dance? (No) "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said, you look fat in those pants."

"Hey, why did you trip me?" (I didn't) "Then how come I fell in love when you walked by?"

(Where have you been all my life?) "What life?"

(Do you have a boyfriend?) "If I said yes, would you leave me alone?"

"Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.

Are you single? (Yes) "Not anymore."

Honey, your so sweet you're giving me a toothache.

No wonder the sky is so gray today, all the blue is in your eyes.

"Does your feet hurt?" No, why? "You've been running through my mind all day."

"If I had a rose for everytime I thought of you, I'd walk through a garden forever."

"Excuse me, but do you have change for a nickel?"

"I may not be Diary Queen, but I will treat you right."

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I am the only one talking to you.

"Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?"

"Who stole the stars and put them in your eyes?"

Got a name? Or shall I call you mine.

"How has your day been?" (answer...fine) "I asked you how your day was, not how you look."


Just Wondering.......

Why is the #2 pencil the best and they call it #2.

If using an invisible ink pen, how do you know when it runs out of ink?

If you use Spot Remover on your dog, will he go away.

If the Energizer Bunny gets arrested, will he be charged with battery?

Why do banks charge you a "non sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why is it when a door is opened it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If all the psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

How much the ocean would be deeper without the sponges.

What happens if you're scared half to death twice?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice."

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?

Do you ever get tired of sleeping?

Why don't they make bullet-proof slacks to match the vest.


Short and Sweet

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you were born upside down.

If you see an onion ring....answer it.

Talk is cheap unless you hire a lawyer.

A man's house is his hassle.

Age isn't important unless you're cheese.

Courage is fear that said its prayers.

Diet are for people who are thick and tired of it.

An optimist laughs to forget....a pesimist forgets to laugh.

Eat yogurt and get culture.

Don't let your work be like a juicy steak...rarely done.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Falling in love is awfully simple, falling out of love is simply awful.


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