I propose a contest. Let's rewrite the last part of the
sentence
('Why, I already have a computer?') in a way that drives home
AOL's
point more forcefully, more dramatically, more like a snub-nosed
.44
held to the forehead. We will all be better copywriters at the
end of
it and suitable for employment in the bullshit mills of Madison
Avenue.
A friend of mine suggested I try out AOL, I said...
...Why? I already have a terminal disease!
Richard Cretan
Rather than rewriting the last line, how about a totally new ad
campaign, in the spirit of AOL's new commitment to protecting its
users?
A casually-dressed man sits in front of his computer, logged onto
AOL.
Inane crap from one of the bottom-dwelling chat rooms is
scrolling
across the screen. A dozen rolls of quarters sit on the desktop.
There
is a coin slot on the side of the monitor. Suddenly, a digitized
image
of Steve Case, dressed in a ski mask and pointing a revolver at
the
user says "Thank you for using America Online. Deposit three
dollars
for your next hour of use." The man cracks open a roll of
quarters,
and puts a dozen into the coin slot. The drivel returns to his
screen.
Suddenly, there is a loud knock at the door. A voice outside
yells,
"AOL CAT squad! Step away from the keyboard and raise your
hands in
the air!" The man, with a horrified look on his face, is
frozen in his
chair. The door flies open, and three men dressed in dark blue
uniforms and carrying automatic weapons burst into the room. A
patch
with the AOL logo is on the left sleeve. The man jumps out of his
chair. "I'm sorry, sir", the squad leader says,
"but you used the
Navajo word for `butt cheeks' in a chat room. I must ask you to
surrender your AOL account, and all your AOL disks."
"No!", the man
cries. "I can't LIVE without AOL!" He dashes toward his
computer. The
squad members subdue him, drag him away from his computer and
handcuff
him. He is forcibly escorted to the blue AOL van parked in front
of
his house. The squad members shove him into the back of the van
and
get in. The van speeds away.
The camera pans back, and the AOL logo appears on the screen. The
voice-over says, "America Online. The most fun you can have
for three
dollars an hour."