Funny Stuff-(Scroll Down Farther For Some Extra Humor)
(bonus)
"Brave Sir Robin"
(From Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
Bravely bold Sir Robin, brought forth from Camelot, he was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin, He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin, He was not the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, or his elbows broken, to have his kneecaps split and his body burned away, And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin...
His head smashed in and his heart cut out and his liver removed and his bowels unplugged and his nostrils ripped and his bottom burnt up...
and his penis...
"That, that's enough music for now lad..."
Quotables from "Life of Brian"
Brian's Mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!
Brian: I'm not the Messiah. Now fuck off!
Disciple: Er, How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?
Brian: There's no pleasing some people.
Beggar: That's what Jesus said.
Brian: You are all individuals!
.............The Crowd: We are all individuals!
...........................Brian: You have to be different!
......................................The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
.................................................Small lonely voice: I'm not different!
A
friend of mine said he was trying to install Windows NT on a
non-standard
machine. Everything seemed fine until he actually ran Windows and
a message
told him that something had gone astray. I guess this could be
considered
an unrecoverable error:
No keyboard found.
Press F1 to continue.
Nike
has a television commercial for hiking shoes that
was shot in Kenya using Samburu tribesmen. The camera closes in
on the one tribesman who speaks, in native Maa. As he speaks, the
Nike slogan ``Just do it'' appears on the screen. Lee Cronk, an
anthropologist at the University of Cincinnati, says the Kenyan
is really saying, ``I don't
want these. Give me big shoes.'' Says Nike's Elizabeth Dolan,
``We thought nobody in America would know what he said.''
Top
five reasons to buy a computer:
-Can brag that mines is bigger than yours..
-Play the same games as on those $89 Nintendo sets.
-Excuse to stay home on the weekends.
-To impress your dates.
-To get dates.
TOP TEN NEW YEAR
RESOLUTIONS OF STEVE JOBS
1996 was a full year for Steve Jobs. As head honcho at Pixar, he
was the executive producer of the Oscar-winning "Toy
Story," and
as chief of NeXT he oversaw the company's acquisition by his
former creation and employer, Apple Computer. From the looks of
his resolutions for 1997, the returning hero of Apple will be
even
busier next year:
10. Take advantage of employee discount on a new Mac.
9. Do something about Guy Kawasaki.
8. New product lines: Bananas and Pears
7. Just Be. No, wait...take the Next step. Darn, that's not
it either.
6. Increase sales by offering a free Buzz Lightyear with every
Mac sold.
5. Make sure everyone knows that he's not the Jobs going south
because of NAFTA.
4. Repackage leftover Next boxes as end tables.
3. Get out of that pesky education market.
2. Bring back the Apple III!
1. Tell Sculley to go back to pushing sugar water!
TOP TEN THINGS
NOT TO SAY TO A COP WHEN YOUR PULLED OVER
10 Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
9 Wanta race to the station, Sparky?
8 I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!
7 On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
6 You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Wuss!
5 Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
4 Hey wasn't your daughter a pork queen?
3 How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
2 Hey officer is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see
me?
1 I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin' Donuts has a 3 for 1
special!