The Computer for the Rest of Ya'll
Microsoft today announced the
release of
Joe-Bob(tm), a new software package that the company hopes will
open up a
huge untapped computer market. With the motto "The software
for the rest of
y'all(tm)," Joe-Bob reaches out to the same demographic
group that buys
4x4s, supports the gun lobby, and drinks Miller Lite.
"Computers have been commonly seen as for leftists and
intellectuals,"
explains Microsoft spokesperson Willy Maclean, "but we've
recently seen
people like Newt Gingrinch embracing new technology -- the time
is right for
the rest of America to get wired!"
Instead of a desktop or office metaphor, Joe-Bob(tm) puts the
user in a
garage. "Click on the Lynyrd Skynyrd tapes, and get a
complete music library
in digital stereo. Click on the pinups, and get hooked up to the
Internet's
hottest gifs," the promotional materials explain.
The package does not include a word processor or spreadsheet, but
does have
software that keeps track of the football season, lists the best
roadhouses
between Florida and Nevada, and can even order spareribs and beer
at the
click of a mouse.
"This is righteous software, man," says beta-tester
Billy Grugg. "It thinks
like I think." Brad Cunningham agrees: "I take it
everywhere," he says,
pointing to a Pentium laptop racked under his 12-gauge in his
pickup truck.
Microsoft is offering desktop users a special clip-on beer holder
for their
monitors.
"Look at what's popular out there," says Microsoft
Chairman Bill Gates.
"Four of the top-10 Usenet newsgroups are about sex, and
splatter video
games like Doom and Mortal Kombat are bestsellers. We're just
catering to a
demand, that's all."
Microsoft is reportedly distributing badges and bumper stickers
saying
things like "Joe-Bob: Make Your Disk Hard," "Go
Microsoft -- Go Intel -- Go
America," and "QuickTime is for Pinko Hippie
Wimps."