Purple Lemon's Poems

These are my poems. BE WARNED. Some of them make NO SENSE, some are TV related, and some are just weird. I hope you enjoy them. If you really like one, please email me and tell me so! Also, if you want to use one, please email me and tell me, I'll most likely let you. Thanx and enjoy! Added 4/20/99: I have a second page for poems now, because this one is full up. Click here: Poems 2!.

FINS, FEMMES, AND GEMS POEM

Xena with Gabby and Joxer the mighty
Went to the temple of the god Aphrodite
The true Mystic Diamond they casually sought
But instead bore the brunt of a spell the god(dess) wrought
She snickered as Xena went off to go fishing
And herself the great beauty Gabby was thinking
Joxer, now Addis, was swinging from trees
And his lovely Princess Gaia he was trying to please
Gabrielle scoffed at his odd bright blue socks
And his habit of eating dirty bugs from the rocks
While Xena was flying her parchment with care
Until it fell promptly roght out of the air
She angrily pursued the pair, Joxer and Gabby
Joxer dreaming of "zug zug" and wearing a nightie
Xena got Gabby back and slyly suggested
The diamond dilemma in which their thoughts first were invested
Gabby believed such a beauty should be hers
And rushed off to get it from Aphrodite's warriors
But Xena sensed danger and talked Joxer the Apeman
Into saving his love from the crossbow armed gang
They ran back to Xena who beat up the men
But the great fish Solaris alluded Xena again
She thought up a plan that involved diamond and fish
And restored the Mystic Diamond with one mighty sword swish
Solaris went with it far into the sky
And Xena was pleased with her final try
To her brother she dedicated this marvelous feat
And with that she had Aphrodite's obsession spell beat
She told Gabrielle insight was the key
Gabby stated she was often forgotten and then also set free
Xena promised to give Gabrielle more of the fame
And they left Joxer as Addis until morning came

JOXER POEM 1

Joxer is plain but he's easy to find cute
He travels with Xena and can be a hoot
He doesn't quite mean to, but he's comic relief
He bumbles around and trips over his own feet
However, he's kind and he'll do right over wrong
And after a battle he'll sing his Joxer the Mighty song
He tries to be valiant, courageous and brave
But he's the one Gabby and Xena always seem to save
His garb is a crazy hodge-podge of rags
He travels around without horses or bags
His hat is an incredibly silly sight
And his "gong" causes heads to turn in shock left and right
His love for Gabrielle is amazingly great
Even where her attitude should have sedated
He meets up with Xena and Gabby alot
To help fight a warlord or end an evil plot
His lines aren't quite witty, his heroics painfully bad
But his hopes never faulter in obtaining the dream that he's had But Joxer's a hero in his very own right
He tries and often is a little heroic with all of his might

JOXER POEM 2 Joxer, Joxer, you know you want to tell her
Just how much you really do love her
But somehow the timing is never just right
Something gets in the way like Xena or a fight
She'd probably laugh right in your face
But still you want to feel her warm embrace
And each day that you wake up you ache for her more
But what exactly would she say each night you explore
Somehow you never can get it just quite right
Although you try and try with all of your might
So the only way you'll know is if you ask her
That's the only way you'll know her real answer

ALTERNATE JOXER SONG WORDS

Joxer the Mighty
Ladies swoon on sighty
Even though he is a clutz
He's a warrior or says he's such
With his gong and hat askew
He might trip and fall on you
Some people try to cut him right in two
But WHY on earth would they want to?
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty

Joxer the Mighty, one time wore a nightie
Gallavanting 'cross the countryside
Sees himself through eyes of pride
Follows Gabby to and for
Of her love he wants to know
Fighting with a cutting edge
Most times knocked right on the head
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!

MONKEES POEM

Peter is quiet and Davy is short.
Micky's a riot and Mike's a good sport.
They live in a beach house and play lots of songs.
They hide from their renter and right all kinds of wrongs.
They're adventures are zany, they get into trouble.
Davy's loves are too many, Peter's in his own bubble.
When in a tight jam they will often declare,
"Monkeemen to the rescue, up and into the air!"
But you have to admit they are real groovy guys,
Helping the weaker and vanquishing spies.

AVIATOR

Aviator in the sky.
Eating sausage pizza pie.
Floating through the clouds so fluffy,
Wearing coats and big ear muffies.
Floating past the purple clouds,
wondering why the air's so loud.
Finished up the pizza pie.
Now departing from the sky.

PURPLE LEMONS

Purple lemons raining from the sky.
Purple lemons rain from trees so high.
Kitties like to use the lemons
Like a bunch of squishy cannons.
Launching sour juice and seeds
At idiots and sour weeds.

WASHY POEM #1

Yes, yes, indeedy doo
And you can't stop me, who are you?
You are Washomatic man
Have come to steal my great big van
With Peter Tork and Davy Jones
With Sam and Al and tall black bones
And all will sing and dance with her cause she is Washomatic man

QUANTUM LEAP POEM

Sam 'n Al, Al 'n Sam
They're what make the world go 'round
Sam is Leaping to and fro
From '53 to 2000 AD he goes.
He's oftn singing, dancing, loving, fighting,
But always mistaken evils he is writing.
Many people he's impersonated
But God or Fate still isn't appreciative.
Continuously Sam hurls through time and space
With Al as his guide on this restless race.
Crude jokes about sex is one of Al's joys
The jokes and new situations send Sam sighing "oh boy's"
Sam is a genius but his brain is "swiss-cheesed"
Forgetting key events gets Al mightily peeved.
Al is an admiral who boasts of his ex-wives
Through musty cigar smoke he tells stories of all five.
So take heart at knowing Sam's somewhere around.
He's modest and friendly and where there's wrongs he is found.
With Al as his cigar smoking hologram pal
He'll do the right thing whether he is woman or male.

WASHY POEM #2

Washy flies gracefully through the sky and has a funny rainbow eye
With which she surveys all the land and often glass she turns to sand.
But with that eye now much is lost, and Monkees stories are the cost.
And so she sings and writes and plays all throughout the dreary days.
And only Quantum Leap is spared as Washy's piece is never stared.
And so the heavens open wide and try to take her deep inside,
But Washy holds with all her might onto a silver water pipe.
And so the heavens leave dismayed to try and take her some day.

PURPLE LEMON STEW (WASHY POEM #3)

Washy Washy where are you?
We made a purple lemon stew.
Wasn't it your most prized favorite?
Wouldn't you like to take a bite?
But alas the washy's gone.
And there is not a clue save one.
A crazy painting on the wall,
That says that washy's claimed them all.

CACA

Caca runs throughout the land
And every living thing's its demand.
For it is quite a very common stuff.
Caca rules in land both smooth and rough.
And still the mortals rein with sanitation,
But caca will at last be its damnation

SITTING IN CHAT TOO LONG

When you start to grow long nose hair
And everything you eat tastes like boiled pear,
Then you know you've been chatting too long,
And life seems to be it's own favorite song.
When you cannot bear the sun
Or think that groceries on their own will come,
Then you know you've been sitting for too many days.
In front of a screen and listening to wavs.

NOZSERV

Nozserv loves to screw fine folks.
It grabs up ops and much fun it pokes.
When nicks don't work and rooms ban and kick
So people become very mad and sick
Of these here services, there is one hope
To push these servers down the slope.
You wait in silence when Nozserv does its thing
And soon it will stop and start worrying
And do you know why? Well naturally
Because the people are finally free
if they don't fret and worry so
then Nozserv behaves cause it's motives are zero

SPAM

What is that jello that's flavored like ham?
But why do you ask, of course it's spam!
It's blobbish and pink
It looks like pig blubber
That somehow refused to change from raw rubber
Instead it is bouncy uncouth and disgusting
It sours all air and sends all metals rusting
Yet people still eat it and how can this be?
Well they probably like it, but how, I can't see
I'd rather have ham, not a ham substitute
But whatever you fancy even a ham flavored dilute

TORKFRIENDS

Torkfriends is a place where you
Can come to chat with fun folk who
Will talk about the Monkees four
And all their songs that they adore

CRANBERRY SAUCE

Cranberry sauce, oh I do adore
It always keeps me comin' back for more
I put a big spoonful on my plate
But as soon as it's there it dissapates
Where did it go? Did it fall on the floor?
No my friend, just get some more

LOVE IS THE ULTIMATE TRIP

Love is the ultimate trip
If you don't think so then you are a drip
People used to go questing for elusive love
Who's sign was that pure white dazzling dove
With Cupid's arrow to guide the way
You'll find that love some glorious day
It will hit you stronger that a whip
And you will declare "Love is the ultimate trip!"

DAVY

Davy is short he plays tambourine
He loves like a wildfire
His eyes always gleam
When faced with a choice
Of two pretty girls
He'll throw on the music
And wildly twirl

SAM

Poor Sam Beckett's trapped somewhere in time
He can't get home to the future
He carries no money not even a dime
But God seems to think he's a good cure
He's sent to rights wrongs that shouldn't have been
With Al as his only connection
To a future he can't even remember he's seen
Where all reasearch to retrieve him is done

GRAPEFRUIT SPOONS (THE SERRATED KIND)

Grapefruit spoons have the serrated edges
So you can cut the fruit into nice neat wedges
You pick a big ole nice ripe beaut
And say "God, is that one heck of a fruit"
And as you squish that grapefruit spoon in
You'll be glad you don't have one that's made of cheap tin

DANCING IN THE DARK

Dancing in the dark can be
So dangerous, oh don't you see?
You could bang your toes
Or bang up your nose
Or crack your head and yer teeth

FINGER PAINTS

Finger paints are quite a delight
You paint with your hands what a messy sight
You get them on walls and your mother proclaims
"You crazy child stop playing those games!
Paint on the papers! Not on the walls!
And you better becareful is that paint jar falls!"

HARMONICAS

Harmonicas, they are curious things
When one plays one cannot also sing
They sound pretty groovy when played by a pro
They are often used in western songs, you know

AUCTIONS

Auctions are weird cause you bid on some things
Sometimes it is regular people that bring
The items auctioned they're usually stuff
That people pay for way too little or much
For the person that autions talks way too fast
But if you like to buy junk then for you this is a blast

SOFT PRETZELS

Soft pretzels are chewy
They're yummy and salty
You eat them in twos
When you get the blues
They are quite warm
People demand them in storms
Call up the baker "Make more on the double!"
"I would if I could but I fear I'm in trouble!
The flour is rancid the yeast is all gone
my oven is cold and my milk is too warm!"

ADMIRALS (AL AND MICKY)

Admirals are in command all the time
From Al to micky you'll never hear a whine
These of course are fictional, fake don't you see?
But man are they silly and terrible funny
They take no nonsense from what I have heard
But then again I've not listened to many a word

DRAGONS

Dragons are devilish creatures of fire
But not all are bad, not all evilly conspire
Some instead breath ice or control the clear air
Others are evil, with wicked cold stares
Some are as nice as the new grass in spring
And let you take rides as they lift off and wing
Their way towards the moon so big and so bright
That you're glad you befriended a dragon tonight

SUNSETS

Sunsets are pretty and glorious things
They mark the death of a day
But the death is itself a marvelous ring
And you know that a birth is soon on its way
The red golden rays of the fast sinking sun
Remind you of days when you had lots of fun
But then as the cold diamond moon comes to light
You feel something special in both day and night

FLYING

Flying seems fun as the eagles will soar
Through the blue gray sky over the canyon floor
The air wooshes past you with furvor and fury
But it does feel good like a warm bedtime story
As you glide ten hundred feet in the air
You feel you in all the world you haven't a care
And when you depart from the sky for the earth
You feel as though you have just witnessed rebirth

THE POEMS I HAVE WRITTEN

I wrote 21 poems tonight
Is that all that I am destined to write?
Not at all I am surprised to say
I wrote a few the other day
And this now makes the 22nd one
That I write tonight, wow isn't this fun?
If I write anymore I fear I will be
A crazed writing lunatic wouldn't you agree?

CRAYFISH

Crazy creepy crawly crayfish
Swimming in a little puddle
When I tried to catch and eat one
They had me totally befuddled
I caught one later and it said
"Excuse me sir I was in BED"
And so I dropped it into tea
So very hot the crayfish bit me
"EXCUSE me sir" he did declare
"But that was very rude and rare!"
So I let him go what could I do?
I dare not eat tea and crayfish stew!

QUANTUM LEAP POEM #2

Quantum Leap is all about a man on a unknown mission route
He Leaps around all through time and often forgets what's in his mind
With only Al to guide his way, from the first time he Leaped that frightful day
Now he is used to this nomadic life, but the nature of this has put him in strife
He wants to go home more then anything else, but he keeps helping others and disregards himself
And to this day he is Leaping still and maybe you don't know it but then again maybe you will

QUANTUM LEAP POEM #3

I think that I shall never speak
Of a thing more lovely than Quantum Leap
The Leaps are funny, sad, horrific
And Sam and Al's performances are terrific
I hope Sam will make it home at last
And finish his original experimental task

MONKEES SONGS

Monkees songs are very fine
But where did they think to draw the line?
They wrote of love and silly gnomes
And finding ways of getting home
Nonetheless these songs are fun
And listen now for one's just begun

MONKEES POEM #2

Why is Micky's hair so wild?
Why does Davy resemble a child?
Why does Peter think he's dumb?
Why does Mike sometimes act so numb?
The answer is really in the scripts
Fifty-eight episodes, get a grip
Yes it's true they act and play
But who was responsible, the creators or they?

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES

I think candied apple are slick
I like the candy, sometimes the apple but never the stick
It gets in the way and is usually wood
I can't help but think digestion's not good
Of this silly old stick shoved in the apple so deep
Still the apple is good and this only I eat

ZIGGY'S BLOWIN' OUT MICROCHIPS LIKE THEY WERE POPCORN

Popcorn is salty and sometimes is sweet
You eat it at movies and for a late treat
When you eat it you definitely need a cold drink
Anything, soda, water from the sink
It's commonly found in a Cracker Jack box
And Cracker Jacks are so sticky they cling to your socks

COMPUTER CHIPS

Computer chips are funny things
Made from silicone and gold, made very thin
They are incredibly small for the amount they hold
And will surely shrink more by the time I am old

DEATH

Death is a thing for which some cannot wait
Others will hide from this inevitable fate
Some try to live longer by unnatural means
Others try dieting by eating veggies and beans
I think that this death is nothing to fear
Although we shouldn't hurry it, it always draws near
So sadly or joyfully we all will embrace
Our death, life in a new sense and an end to this race

THE MOON

I looked at the sky and saw the bright moon
It tore through the clouds like a light through a gloom
It sat in the sky with a beautiful glow
And lent a cool light to all sitting below
I thought how this moon could rise shining each night
Like a hero that burns through the darkness of plight
And each night I wait for my friend the great moon
To shine her white light on the walls in my room

FAVRE THE EAGLE QUEEN

The Eagle looked down over all her domain
Her people now knew her by another name
Her birth name was Favre, her Eerie called Pumice
But now it was all royal, her title was m'Lady; your highness
The old king, her father had died deep in battle
The dragon was too much and it led to his slaughter
His army was victorious, but the loss of their king
Made the victory seem small as they collected his ring
The ring was a small little curved piece of gold
A crown in it's right and breathtaking to behold
Upon the return of her fathers great guard
They presented the crown, the king's death sung by a bard
She sadly accepted for the people needed a leader
The king had no sons, just Favre the princess Eagle
Her mother was sad but dare not take the throne
She new she was old and her days almost done
She let her young daughter rein in her place
So when she died there would be no new face
The dragon's great horde was beyond all belief
But knowing it's price led Queen Favre to grief
All of her people felt as badly as her
As she roamed the great Eerie and searched for a cure
Soon 20 years passed and left Favre the best
Among all the Eagles that ruled the Great Nest
She carefully reserved all the treasure that was won
Those 20 long years ago when her queenship begun
The people were over their grief stricken ways
But still had respect for the old king of those days
Throughout the years Favre did all that she could
To vanquish all enemies from which could come no good
She killed a great serpent and banished a giant Flea
She save the whole Eerie from pestilence and greed
She kidnapped a pirate held ransom for silver
And to the Nest's treasury she had it delivered
She never spent more than she definitely needed
And worthy officials she was sure that she seated
To places of worth where they did the most good
And they loved her and followed her commands to the word
She was married to Frigon and hatched two bright children
Delphan the son and daughter Rashtere of the Cauldron
She loved and taught them several royal tricks
And how to spot danger and the best forts to pick
She raised them quite well, a daughter and son
They did so much good the people's hearts were soon won
But 15 years later she grew way too old
And sadly she knew what the future foretold
Favre's death would bring fighting and chaos to the Nest
And so she picked the child she thought would rule best
Rashtere she picked for she was the oldest
But also she knew that Delphan was boldest
So with the two in a meeting she calmly discussed
The importance of teamwork and lack of disgust
Favre's mind was made up and she chose very wisely
For the two got along due to her ominous advisory
The two came to power right after she died
And continued her rule as they reigned side by side
They still had their families separate from each other
But ruled in harmony as a tribute to their mother
Luckily Rashtere was the only one with heirs
Or fighting may still have broken the pair
Rashtere's young daughter soon had the throne,
And the rest in Favre's bloodline ruled all alone
If not for the decision made by that great Favre
That Great Eerie might not be surviving today
But still the descendants of Favre preside
And they survey the continuation of her work with great pride

MELLOW JELLO

Mellow jello
Taunts a fellow
With a cello
Who will bellow
Hi and hello
I want jello
Swirled with yellow

To more poems!

Questions? Comments? Email me at purplelemon@hotmail.com.