The Great Romance of Sir Maximillian and Lady Effelyn
Sir Maximillian entered the bleedin' room. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? He 'ad been alone for too long and were in the mood for a new and dangerous romance. Cor blimey guv! He scanned the bleedin' dancin', pulsin' crowd intently. It were the bleedin' usual mix of frustin' bucks wiv too much 'ormones and not enough style, and skittish does on 'eat, all flutterin' ears and frashin' tails. Too passe, init? He turned ter leave wiv a growl of frustration, right? Suddenly 'is gaze lit upon a shapely and seductive creature 'e 'ad never seen before in the chuffin' far corner of the room, do wot guvnor! She 'ad smoove mink fur and a stunnin' white blaze runnin' from 'er quietly twitchin' nose ter the top of 'er delicately pointed 'ead. In 'is suddenly poundin' 'eart 'e knew 'e must speak ter her or be forever in torment for wot might 'ave been, but 'e could do nuffink but stare.
Lady Effelyn fought it a borin' knees-up and 'eaved a great sigh, right? Would no 'andsome buck rat wiv long whiskers and beautiful, big mince pies ever come into 'er life? The parochial nature of the society in which she found 'erself bored 'er intensely and she determined never ter come ter anuvver of these wearisome functions. She fluttered 'er ears in a desultory manner and 'er gaze wandered 'round the room. None of the cavortin' bucks gave 'er a moment's excitement. She longed for passion and a dark, right 'andsome stranger.
Lady Effelyn were about ter 'ave a look for some bloke interestin' ter talk ter in lieu of a whistle and fluteable dancin' partner when she felt a pair of mince pies burnin' into 'er and 'er glance swung angrily 'round the room. 'oo dared ter stare at 'er wiv such force, then, eh? 'er questin' glance came ter rest on Sir Max, standin' transfixed on the bleedin' uvver side of the bleedin' room. She blushed furiously as Sir Max recovered 'is senses and began ter approach 'er, seemingly unorare of the frobbin' mass of furry bodies 'round 'im.
Sir Max's 'eart started ter race as Lady Effelyn twitched 'er whiskers provocatively. He approached close ter her and made a long, low, courteous bow. As 'e did so, right, she admired 'is sleek, black, glossy coat wiv its not so bad silver tickin' and 'is long, straight, white wiskers. She 'ad never seen such a delectable buck and knew she must 'ave 'im, right, wotever and 'ooever 'e were.
As Sir Maximillian raised 'is 'ead, Lady Effelyn gently brushed 'er whiskers against 'is and a shiver ran dahn 'er spine. He 'ad the chuffin' most intense, right, deep, shinin', black mince pies and 'er 'eart melted into their languid, right, yet passion-filled, pools. A bead of sweat started ter form on Sir Max's forehead as 'e gazed at 'er slim, white paws wiv their delicate nails. Evry contour and 'air of 'er luscious, racy body burned themselves into 'is memory. He found 'e were 'oldin' 'is breaff.
Lady Effelyn were trapped in 'is frall. Even vough the room were full of pryin' mince pies and gossipin' tongues, she felt the passion burnin' wivvin 'er and succumbed to his careless chuffin' caresses like wax meltin' into a flame, like...
Suddenly the moment were ended as quickly as it 'ad begun. Lady Effelyn ran breafless from the bleedin' room, do wot guvnor! Sir Max's mince pies followed 'er, full of sudden pain, but 'is body remained frozen in that delicious, delirious mument. Had she right been there or 'ad it all been a wonderful dream?
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