My dearest Fugue Maestro, you've just gotta make things difficult, don't you? Imagine someone such as my very own self, a mere retired rocket scientist, needing to make the difficult decision amongst three of the finest words our worthy English Language offers us. Oh well, I suppose I shall get all confused as to which of these fine words I'm choosing.
The new year 2001 is the number one year of the second Millennium and it also begins the sixth 400-year cycle of the Gregorian calendar. Yes folks, our calendar completely repeats itself every 400 years. That's 4,800 months. That's 20,871 weeks. That's 146,097 days. That's 3,506,328 hours. That's 210,379,680 minutes. That's 12,622,780,800 seconds. Now that I've counted them all for you, it's up to you to make them all count.
Many of you-all superstitious folks may have been under the impression that the unlucky day Friday the Thirteenth seems to come more often than its rightful share. Well folks, you're absolutely right. Friday the Thirteenth does, indeed, come more often than its rightful share. Specifically, each 400-year cycle of the Gregorian calendar contains 688 Friday the Thirteenths. By contrast, it contains only a measly 684 Saturday the Thirteenths, 687 Sunday the Thirteenths, 685 Monday the Thirteenths, 685 Tuesday the Thirteenths, 687 Wednesday the Thirteenths, and 684 Thursday the Thirteenths. Now, lest you question the mental state of anyone who would actually sit down and count them for you, let me assure you that I am perfectly sane. Now if I could only remember which subway station it was where I mislaid that nuclear bomb I was gonna mail to Santa Claus.
But maybe we wouldn't have that problem if we used some different length week. Primitive tribes in West Africa use a four-day week. Central American tribes used a five-day week. Ancient Assyrians used a six-day week. Ancient Rome used an eight-day week. The Incas used a ten-day week. Maybe some of these other folks had better luck than we do.
But really, folks, all calendars are totally arbitrary anyhow, and they're all screwed up. So that means you can do one new beginning or begin once anew whenever you want to. I'm sure that by now everyone has heard that tired old saw about how today is the first day of the rest of your life. Calendars are sorta dumb anyhow. I mean, if it's nice weather you can ride your bike. If it's springtime you can plant your garden. If you've got stuff to do and it's a good day for it, you can call it Day One no matter what the calendar calls it. Or you can make up your own calendar. Then when you say you're gonna plant your potatoes on the second Znargday of the month of Hymurquary you can plant your potatoes any time you please, just like you were gonna do anyhow.
But if you stick to our present calendar you'll always be sure that Wednesday is the longest day of the week. It's the only day that's nine letters long.
