defense

Ladies' CU-SeeMe Defense Page

OK, we know there are some jerks and losers on CU as well as some newbies that are simply making lots of newby mistakes. Are we going to let them ruin our fun? No! So how do we deal with them? Run away in intimidation? Call for help? Whine to a refmon? Again - No! We take care of our problems quickly and go back to having fun.
Some problems occur over and over again. This page is meant to help share techniques that we have seen work. And some that don't work. But mostly it is to give us the ideas and tools we need to take care of ourselves!

This page is a bit long. If you want a good, quick overview, Rollo has a great page of tips.

Hopefully, this will also accomplish some side goals:
--To give the decent men on CU (the majority in my experience) the information to help others they see are being distressed
--To let the lamers know that their tricks won't work
--To lighten the load on the refmons duties.
-------Refmon duty is not all fun-and-games. This article by Baldy gives some insight into their life online.

Refmons (except for one ref that I know of) do not get paid. They volunteer their time to be on the ref and to learn all the technical tricks to help the rest of us have a good time. But who is going to want to be a refmon if they have to spend most of their time helping us with the same silly problems over and over again? I don't think anyone will say we do not need refmons, but refmons should be free to solve the more difficult problems that only refmons can handle. And, of course, free to have fun themselves :-)
Although I put this page together, this has been a group effort. If anything here helps, please say thanks to Russ_UK, Streak, Daffi, Rollo, Sig, Dragon Lady, NEQ, seesaw, mica, rr_ny, and Os when you see them on the refs.

Now that the introduction is out of the way, let's talk about the most common problems.

Unwanted DCs while on a ref:
This can be prevented by adjusting your preferences.
Click here for the settings for Enhanced CU 2.X
Click here for the settings for Enhanced CU 3.X
Click here for the settings for the Cornell versions
Note: These settings may affect your ability to DC by choice. To be completely comfortable with these settings, you could ask someone to test them with you after you make the changes.

Getting rid of unwanted DCers
Even with defensive settings, sometimes it happens anyway, often when you are between refs. Try these tricks to keep him from calling back.
Note: First, a warning is in order. Remember that it is still possible for a DC request to be made occasionally by accident when leaving or joining a reflector. Do not assume that every one you get under these circumstances is malicious. (Russ_UK)
(1) - Disconnect immediately
Always try this simple method first. Because of the warning above about accidental DCs, it is best to give all DCers the benefit of the doubt and assume it was accidental until future behaviour proves differently.
(2) - Scare him
If you have a man in the room, a rude DCer is less likely to keep calling if he sees a man instead of a lady. Clothing is optional with this technique ;-)
--A variation on this technique is to have another man on CU change his name to yours and call the DCer. This must be done quickly before the DCer has a chance to reconnect to the internet with a different IP.
--This technique violates the principal of taking care of the problem yourself. But I included it anyway because, with the right person, this technique can be fun.
(3) - Reconnect to the internet with a different IP.
This only works if you have dynamic IPs.
(4) - Make it a waste of time for him.
This is my favorite and most successful trick. First, cover the camera. Freezing also works but with some versions he may be left with a nice picture of you that serves his purpose. And we don't want to serve his purpose hehehe... Then, close his vid window and TELL him in chat that you have closed his window. (Use the close-all button for this so there is no chance of a bug causing a misunderstanding.) Finally, depending on how mean you feel, ask him if he thinks this vid is worth being banned for. Most importantly, never answer any of his chat after this and never show anything but blank vid.
This takes some time and patience but not much more time than it would take to find a refmon or someone else to help. And besides, it just feels good to fix the problem by yourself :-)
(5) - Finally, this advice from Rollo: Mooning people when you answer an unwanted DC is often effective. But I don't get many of them, and my ass is uglier than most.

Persistent, obnoxious private chat

(Some of these techniques can also be used for persistant DC requests and obnoxious public chat)

Note 1: I only include obnoxious chat. The merely annoying can be ignored although I would note the nickname for future reference. Russ_UK's " Why Did She Leave" is a fun example of annoying chat.

(1) - Ignore him.
This should be the first thing tried. He may be just a clueless newby that will learn better in time. Give him a break if you can.
(2) - Filter
That is why the option is included in the program, but I do not like this technique. Filtering allows offensive behaviour to continue as if it was acceptable. Another risk is that he may eventually take the hint and start chatting well; you would miss his good chat. Try it for yourself though. It may work for you.
(2a) With a program called NoGeek, you can also filter just the private chat.
(3) - Ask him to stop.
Simple and works more often than it fails. There is a small risk that he will feel that his right to harrass you is being violated and become abusive. There are ways to fix that though.
(4) - Tell him you are ignoring him.
This has about the same results and risks as asking him to stop.
(5) - Cut and Paste
This is a nasty trick but sometimes it is needed. Tell the ref first that you are going to paste his chat or it will be confusing. Then simply copy to clipboard... paste to public chat. This trick works almost 100% of the time but also causes the most abusive reaction from the offender if it doesn't work.
(6) - Whatever the offender wants, give him the opposite.
If he wants your attention, ignore him. If he wants you to open his vid, tell him you have his vid closed. If he wants specific vid from you, tell the ref you will not do that until he begins behaving or leaves. Those examples should be enough to give you the idea. Os refers to this as being "counter-productive".
(7) - Leave the ref.
I don't like to be chased off a ref without at least telling the offender (and sometimes the whole ref) why I am leaving. A simple statement like "I am getting too much private chat" is often all that is needed though.

Note 2: What is obnoxious chat? Everyone's answer to this will be different. I personally find "where from?" to be the lamest excuse for conversation I have ever seen. But the more normal examples of obnoxious chat would be the crude, graphic descriptions of testosterone induced requests. To be fair to the men, remember, there are some women who like and encourage what others would call obnoxious chat. If you are a gentleman looking for help in knowing what to say to who, try this guideline.

Children on an adult ref

(1) Get the nickname, IP, and time to send to the refop
(2) Ask the person not to bring children on the ref.
(3) Leave and clearly state why you are leaving.
(4) Ignoring it is NOT an option.

Blue screen of death aka Nuking

There is only one solution. Upgrade your system so that some of the older ways of doing this are eliminated.
Click here or here to go to one of the many sites that have the upgrades.

Privacy

How much do you want others to know about you? How easy or hard do you want it to be for others to contact you with email/ICQ/in person etc? This is a complex issue and everyone must find their own level of comfort concerning anonymity. Daffi has an anti-stalker page that has warnings and tips to help you decide.

Daffi's page does not specifically talk about Internet privacy. You must also consider what information you give away in email, ICQ, Powwow, IRC, NetMeeting, IVisit, and any other online communications programs. As a general guideline, remember that you can always add information later, when you are confident that you are safe. You cannot take back information that is accidentally released. Start out cautiously.

As a note of encouragement, I would like to tell you that I used CU for several years before I told anyone what state I lived in, what I did for a living, and before I showed anyone my face. Yet it did not stop me from having fun and making some very good friends.

If you would like to read a quote from Joseph Campbell that helped me be comfortable with my seemingly paranoid choices, you can click here.

Talk to us

Add your own tricks or stories using the guestbook format from Phaistos. This is our chance for the Ladies of CU to talk to each other. I promise to monitor this guestbook and answer every entry, either publicly or with a private reply.

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