Braced on my stomach, I peeked through an itchy covey of crawling pine branches on a corner near the water. Thirty-eight tents created a semi-circle, five hundred yards ahead. The closest tarp stood 100 yards from ocean. Howling dogs echoed in the distance.
I glanced to a smooth sandy incline meeting the choppy camp clearing. It was low-tied for some time. Waves pat the tails of seven long boats readied to leave shore and unguarded. This was the way in.
I sat back, stripping off my stained deerskin togs. Salty gust felt great, drying my anxious perspiration. I worked blindly on my togs, inverting its cacky exterior greens for a soft tan cover. Then, I stepped into the suit and tugged it up. Stretching my arms into the sleeves, I felt a double-edge bone jab into my hip. A gutteral cry leaked my lips.
Two Roman horsemen galloped on an untimely patrol, hurrying toward my direction. A twig snapped fifty-feet from me. But, they keep riding. I kept cautious.
I crawled to the forest edge with my trusty bow slung over my shoulder. There was twenty yards to the first boat, cover. Fourteen iron tipped arrows weighed too light as I reach out to the sand, using my arms to pull myself forward. Xena's blasted chakram chilled my chest, slightly cutting my sturdy cotton bra. I rested in the shadows of the the first dune then buried myself in the sand.
When a patrol past, I crept over the dune and dashed to the first boat. I checked my Timex, midnight. Judging from the short smooth slope, I knew the tide was coming in. I snuck boat after boat, keeping low and moving fast. Incoming tides meant incoming surprise. I reached the first tents that were active with snoring males and moved to a distant corner, a great spot.
In the center of camp, a bonfire roasted three rotating deer. At least fifty Centurions dined by the flames. Eight servant women carried heavy fruit baskets to tents without ripped tarps. My sandy steps skidded as I raced to the water. A foot patrol marched toward the boats.
I froze, prone on the ground. Several soldiers whipped slaves dragging a boat into the water. I couldn't see it but there had to be an anchored ship. Waves washed part of my legs and dragged me, inch by inch into better cover. I stared at the footmen strolling back inside. Only the slaves tended the boats floating by the shore. One-two-three, I dashed for an overturned row boat raised for repairs.
Peeking over the top, I spied two swaggering warriors and a sleeping org hugging a massive ball and chain. One of the warriors belched before sipping a goblet of wine.
His voice was horse. "You should see his lass." He laughs loudly then hushed himself.
The sleeping org rolled and groaned, "Yes, captain." He snuggled to an axe, snoring against a tent post.
"Keep it together, kid," I whispered to myself. "Ready."
As the snoring soldier rolled again, I dashed and dove behind a pile of tree poles ten yards in front of him. Hushed breathes pinch my heart. Carefully, I peeked at the snoring org then ran again. Go, girl.
I wiped my burning face with my sleeve and tip-toed alongside a tent in the middle of their caravan. Every move felt like an echo to a great being. My heart danced through my chest labored with Xena's silver Frisbee. Where can she be? Every flap was opened, rancid laughter drew closer.
I raced around a bend and met a belching warrior stumbling with a sloshing wine bottle.
He slurred his words, "Come here."
Like an idiot, I fixated on his sword still in its sleave.
"Oh, Lassy." Burping, he lovingly kissed into the wind then crashed on his bottle.
For a moment, I stood in shock. No sober buddies raced from the open flaps. This was insane. I jumpped inside the dark surrounding. Except for a low-flame lantern flickering, I wouldn't have been able to read, "Oil, on a variety of barrels stacked by the back tarp. I drew my bone knife and crept through a maze of apple crates and grain sacks.
In the corner, five wine crates sat by the largest barrels of lamp oil. I ducked behind them, working in my hide-away. From an open wine crate, I snatched a bottle and sat down. Yanking it's cork with my teeth, I proceeded to empty it onto my clothes. If I lost blood before, this scent would hide it.
Stealing the red cotton cape from the footman snoring outside, I cut strips and return to my corner. Oil replaced wine, bored corks were filled with cotton strips. With a little more tailoring, I created a case of twelve bombs. I looked at my watch, half-past one.
A rogue patrol, of ten, paraded on foot. I duck, staring at their robust shadows marching across the musky canvas. Five Centurions parted westward. A few wandered toward the bonfire barbeque. I watched two shadows stroll beside my tent.
A youthful voice joined them. "Hail, Caesar," he shouted.
"Hail, Caesar," a harsh voice replied.
I waited and watched as the shadows moved to the front. Two soldiers stepped to the opened flap. One guzzed from sloshing bottles. Ducking down, I barely breath as one stepped inside and soon kicked my remaining stack of wine.
"Don't mind if I do," he said.
I heard him snatch a glass bottle, then march outside.
A young male said, "Caesar will be pleased with the capture of Xena. What happens to her little friends?"
I listened, intensely.
The older Roman chortled. "A fair price for the victor, that flaxen lass."
One spit a cork into the tarp then stompped his way to the bonfire festival.
"What of the males," asks another young male.
"Fair combat in the arenas," the harsh male replied. "Especially, the large one, should he ever awake."
I smiled, they're alive! A distant horn pierced my ears. Glass crashed by the open flaps. Watching shadows on the tent tarp, I saw two warriors jog away. Then, I checked my neck for a labored pulse.
"Tomorrow's got to be better, girl," I whispered.
I clutched my knife to carve new exit out the back corner. Ahead, a central tent was monitored by four sets of armed warriors. Sixteen torch-stakes light the area, twice as much as any other post. Bingo!
I flicked my Bic and ignited a the long strip dangling from a portly oil barrels. Tying the wine case to my ankle, I slithered to the next tent's shadow. The burning fuse was ten minutes long. An awful bar-room odor burns my nostrils as a crossed to the next shadow. Pinching my nose, I hushed sneeze.
A male yelled in the distance, "Intruder."
Hurrying my lighter, I ignited a fuse then lobbed a bottle-bomb into the middle of camp Instantly, its explosions pulled charging prisoner guards from their tent. Taking the wine case, I rushed to the distant edge and drop to the ground.
Horns were blowing everywhere. I slit an entrance and dragged the case inside. Using the knife again, I slashed my ankle tie. Diversion number two was late.
From a neighboring tent, a firm male demanded, "Centurion, curb that noise!"
Another replied, "It's an intruder, Captain. Petrius is dead."
I ignited another precious bomb-bottle, ducked outside and toss it westwardly, then I dashed back in. Women shrilled and burning warriors raced for the ocean.
I lit my Bic holding it high with my hope.
Xena called from shadows, "Tasha from New York?"
I dashed over to where she was stretched and strapped to a post in the center of the tent. At the tarp entrance, I spotted Gabrielle sleeping in a bronze animal cage. No Hercules or Iolaus. Then I slide my hand inside my deerskin tog.
"I brought your weapon," I whispered.
Already, Xena was sawing her second wrist bind with my bone handle knife. I handed her chakram.
"Get Gabrielle," she orders. Her legs and hips were attached with chains.
"Sure."
Kneeling before a rickety cage, I struggled to pick a rusted lock in the dark. Click.
I tapped Gabrielle's face. "Wake up, kid."
Behind me, Xena freed her legs dropping to the ground from lack of blood circulation. I stood to help Gabby who was unnaturally mellowed. Suddenly, a large Roman warrior stomped through the entrance. His bronze sword rang as he pulledit from its sheath.
I threatened his menacing stance with my best stare. Then, I raised my knife. He sneered, stepping closer. From the torchlights, I could see his broad sword winding for pendulous swoop.
"Give it up," I plead!
My throat choked as my nerves stung. He yelled a warrior cry shivering through my body. Instinctively, I ducked his swoop at my head then jammed my bone-blade high under his rib cage.
No one cried, now, in an awful silence. I didn't feel or hear anything, as if my mind and soul vacated. As his flesh split, it sucked my knife deeper. His lungs burst like a greasy sausage. I watched his eyes mire in a whimsical surprise.
"God, I'm so sorry," I said, horrified to the core.
He pulled from me, slumping by my side. A growing black pool collected around my feet.
"Mister?" I reached to touch his shoulder.
He fell, forever stilled by a deed I couldn't undo. His blood steamed over my chilled palms. I watched the last drops jell into a warm brown pudding which oozed down my arms. I stared at my stained hands. Who was the filthiest now?
A second warrior entered, spotting his buddy on the ground. Then, he sneered and wrestled his sword stuck at his hip. I didn't have the urge to raise that blood-flooded knife.
Reaching on the ground, he stole his buddy's sword and focused a target, my neck.
"Tasha, duck, " Xena shouts.
My knees weakened to except my fate. I killed a man. Suddenly, Xena's razor-frisbee severed his jugular vein and knocked away his mighty weapon. I was jerked from the floor.
As I turned, Xena slapped my face.
"Move out," she ordered.
My mind returned to the needs at hand. Xena dove out my slit-entrance, then Gabby, then me pushing out the case of bomb-bottles. Xena grinned as I passed a fused bottle and ignited it with my Bic.
"I don't know where Hercules is ," I said. "The guards talked about him."
She lobbed it into the center of the supply tent, grinning as burning warriors dashed for the sea.
"Gabrielle, take Tasha into the woods."
She held us low as a massive series of explosions showered burning fall-out.
"No way," I shouted. "I'm in for the end."
Grabbing sand, I scrubbed blood globs off my skin.
I assured Xena, "We can keep these monkeys dancing with a few more cocktails. Hercules and Iolaus deserve a better chance!"
"Stick together," Xena ordered.
I torched another bottle and tossed it toward soldiers racing forward. Xena dashed over a wall, in a fantastic flip. Taking my bottle bomb case, I shoved Gabby.
"Run, kid!"
She stared back at me, "Where?"
I handed her the case then dragged her around corners. Whenever soldiers seemed to get brave, I yanked another bottle and tossed another bomb.
"Duck, Tasha!" She pulled me down from a swarm of air-splicing arrows, dropping our case.
"Thanks, kid."
I snatched two bombs that didn't break and followed Gabby's crawl around a line of dwindling tents. A horn called from the water. The Romans cheered what they couldn't see. Gabby turned to me, almost petrified.
I nudged her forward. "Trust me, we'll do fine."
"Okay," she said.
I handed her our last bottle. My horse in the woods was rested and waiting. Gently, Gabby tapped my shoulder.
I asked, "What's up, Kid?"
"Tasha, this one is empty."
I looked up and save three charging plattoons, one from the west and two from woods. Grabbing Gabrielle's arm, I pulled her to the beach. Faint shadows of incoming row-boats floated on the dark horizon line.
I whispered, "Trust me, kid."
She hit me. "Stop saying that."
"All right," I yelled, dragging us into the water. "Dive in."
We were down for only a few seconds. How was I to know, Gabrielle was a lousy swimmer! Salt water singed minor scrapes I endured. As we cleared the surface, whizzing arrows splashed too close. I hovered before diving again. Poor Gabrielle coughed with interludes of gurgling gasps.
I swam to her hurried palm paddles against rough waves.
"Are you okay, kid?"
She was listless. I snatched her around the shoulder, using breast-stroke to move out of range. All her paddling drew the Roman's attention. Then, Gabby woke up.
"Stop, stop," she whispered.
"Easy, I got ya."
Unfortunately, several paddle boats with torches launched from the shore. I changed direction, moving sideways, a royal pain.
I whispered, "Float kid, I can tow quietly. They can't see us yet."
A captain shouted, "I want them alive."
"I think I see them," yelled another rowing quickly toward my right.
Gabrielle whispered, "Save yourself."
I just kept swimming, pulling her along. "Xena would kill me, slow."
She jerked my fingers holding her. "Go."
"No!"
I wrestled her into a splashing head-lock and quickly swim deep side-strokes. The hasten rowing hid my progress. They were many and in the darkness, blind. Gabby got with my program, splashing her toes
I whispered, "Under the water,"
"Just go," she pleaded.
"They find you, they kill me," I said. "We'll surface together on counts of 4 for air." I paddled on the surface slowly counting," one, two, three, four,"
"There they are," yelled a Roman on my right.
Gabrielle and I dove and swam inland, keeping together. Navigation boats to move inward, I struggled into deeper water to save our lives. From a hundred yards off-shore, I emerged with Gabrielle and pointed to a thin beach with a short race into the woods.
She whispered, "I can't make it."
"Come on, kid," I said. "Trust me."
She giggled. Here we were, swimming for our lives and she giggles? I pulled her arms around my sides and let her piggy-back the dive. Eight times we surfaced before reaching the shore. Gabrielle dragged me from the water, hiding us quickly in the woods.
Within ten feet, a Roman Captains shouted, "All clear, here."
I gazed through willow branches, seeing flailing torches signaling like burning flags. There were four major vessels on the horizon. The sky was getting blue. Gabrielle pointed to shooting spears skipping over distant waves. I climbed up with rubbery legs, moving deeper into the shades of the woods.
Gabrielle whispered, "Where are you going?"
She coddles her shoulders, studying my face. I nodded to a patch of pine trees.
She quietly giggled, "Oh yeah, I should trust you."
I shoved her. "Hey, I got you freed."
"For how long?"
Looking at my Timex, I read 4:30 am. "We got sunrise in less than an hour. Where's your warrior pals?"
"I don't know."
She started to shake.
"Relax, kid. Xena's been through this before."
As I reached the pine trees, I was glad not to have mentioned my horse. Over the night events, he chewed through his reigns. I ignored the site and marched forward. With Gabrielle keeping close, maybe the Romans will believe that we drowned.
Synchronized thrashing echoed ahead. I sniffed burning brush from the woods, behind.
"They're trying to smoke us out," I whispered. "We got to get outta here!
Gabrielle kicked together a pile of leaves and twigs. I was happy to find my Bic still lit.
She whispered, "The wind carries our fire those ahead, making a break their flames behind won't cross."
I bent down and lit the leaves. "That's a great plan!"
She flashed a grin. "Xena taught me."
"It figures."
Soon, smoke misted everywhere under our knees. The thrashing stopped indicated the soldiers pulled back from our fires. Charging with a small burning stick, we jogged our break to road, raising black ash and sute. After a while, we blended perfectly.
Several horned call a retreat signal. Studying a road, we saw the Romans march their slaves back to camp. But, Gabby and I had to keep moving. When the fires stopped, the dogs went loose.
Hours under a hot sun, our dark faces itch. As Gabrielle steps ahead, her stench overpowered. For a moment, I dropped back to a soft walk. It was such a lovely day. Then, I realized the danger of odor. But what could I do, here?
Swift as a deer, Gabrielle dashed around a bend and hurried my walk. I wanted to be with folks who wore deodorant. I missed tampon commercials and Dave Letterman's stupid human tricks. My stomach growled and then screamed. No convenient marts, double-ply toilet paper, or pizza to go. This was murder on the cosmopolitan!
Reaching a steep mountain, I tugged Gabrielle over slippery holds. Shallow ledges made a harsh descent into a mucky pond. We really didn't have a choice. The Roman's owned the roads, I lost my favorite weapons.
Coming to thick forest, Gabrielle mistakenly asked, "When are we stopping for dinner?"
"What am I, Wonder Woman?"
I almost smacked the kid.
She said, "And we don't have water, either."
"Ask the Romans," I said. "Jesus, kid."
And it hit me. Could Jesus exist in this time? I grabbed Gabby's shirt, shaking her.
"Jesus Christ," I repeated his name, hoping.
"Is that a friend of yours?"
Gabrielle was raspy and pal. For the first time, I noticed, she was sniffling.
"Jesus is a friend to all," I said, letting go. "In fact, he's the only son of the one true God....and SHE's terrific!"
I think history should get it right for a change!
"Which god," she asked.
I carelessly chuckled. "Zeus, Hera, and all are not God."
A lightening bolt crackled behind us.
"They're probably some kind of galactic super-beings," I said. "Jerking humans around for fun. None of them are all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving."
I gazed at the sky, quiet and blue. It's funny the strength we can recapture when a taste of faith steps in.
Gabby asked, "Who is she?"
I walked her to the edge of an incline. The sun was descending into a crest of maroon and gold.
"In your life, you've felt HER inside you. SHE is within all of us, unique and wonderful. SHE doesn't make us slaves to her moods."
I led the way down, hoping not to break my neck on the smooth autumn leaves bedding the ground.
"Men view her as a HE and maybe SHE's part HE too. SHE loves with respect, stepping back and giving us freedom."
Gabby asked, "What do you need to gain her love?"
"SHE loves you, Gabrielle, for who you are. Who you were, who you can be. At any time, or any place, SHE is only a whisper away. We call that prayer, where I'm from. Unfortunately, I don't use it enough!"
"Pray, now, Tasha." Gabrielle jogged ahead. "We need all the help we can get."
In a narrowing woodland valley, we camped in a small cave moments from a fresh water pond. I built a fast fire to bake our clothes dry. We were tired and lost and protending not to know it.
"How are you feeling, kid?" I rubbed my hands watching her do the same.
Gabrielle sneezed. "I'm just a bit hungry."
I gave her a piece of maple trunk then showed her the flesh of a second helping for me.
"It ain't tasty but it'll keep us alive. Just don't eat the bark."
She nibbled like a rabbit.
"Maybe tomorrow, I'll catch something more substantial. I'm sorry, I'm not Xena."
Gabrielle swallowed quickly and winked. "At least you have friends like Jesus."
From the mouths of babes!
In the morning, Gabrielle was wheezing badly. At home, that's the flu and quick anti-biotic reply. I hiked with rubbery legs in search of a slow hopping rabbit, or late-summer berries, or some low-branches baring magical fruit. My shoulders cracked and strange shivers raced through my chest. Was I coming down with it too?
Checking the forest for a Roman bowman, I crashed into the solid arms of an odd man dressed in black leather. His dark wavy hair surrounded a crisp troublesome grin. (He reminded me of a Bronx gang-banger taking me to his senior prom. Dad was right, he was a bum.)
The man spoke in pristine bass overtones. "You marched on the Romans, without aid of an army. That's very impressive."
"Impressive, stupid, take your pick."
He struts back and forth, real full of himself. If it weren't for the fact that he was pleasing on my eyes, I might have nailed the-family-jewels.
"You would fair better without that annoying girl."
I wondered which yahoo-god this one was. I stepped left, he moved in front. I backed up and he grinned. Taking a break, I folded my arms.
"Look," I said. "We don't do things like that, where I'm from."
He chuckled to himself. "New York sounds like a wonderful place."
I patted a yawn. "If you'll excuse me, I've some breakfast to fetch and this little historical period lacks my favorite neighborhood Deli!"
In the blink of an eye, he tossed a lightening arrow that split a wild boar, like a coconut. I gazed at him, smiling for the first time in days.
"Please," he said, bowing. "Accept this with my compliments, Tasha."
I casually nod in agreement.
"I owe you at least that."
He turns his back and disappears in his own hot purple air. From the look in his develish eyes, I knew he wasn't far.
"No problem, " I said.
He was fishing for a favor. That's the nature of the globe: People want something and look for ways in which to get it. The smart move was to hold out, no matter how easy you can pay the want. Otherwise, you're a schmuck.
Back at the cave, Gabrielle and I gorged on ham, burping sated sighs. She was looking better. With the remaining meat, she tailors a tee pee of twigs then smoked meat strips.
"That's clever," I said.
"Jerky keeps longer."
Latter on, I watched her thread tendons braiding their leather strips into rope. The best teacher was hands-on. I moved to her side.
"Anything, I can do?"
"Getting this pig was enough." Gabrielle scrubbed its emptied bladder with cave sand. "This can be our water pouch."
I strolled into the night, saying nothing about my true hunting experiences. This kid had enough worry. From the little I saw, Xena and she lived symbiotically, one the soldier and the other, a mild-mannered diplomat.
By the end of a week, Gabrielle's sniffled disappeared from her pink flapping Bard jaws. She dressed like me with heavier camouflage autumn colors that hide us from each other at times. We marched side-roads, ducking from all horsemen trotting through.
Following a familiar mountain stream north of Athens, I led us to my tree-hut. Reluctantly, I posted a simple note at the base of my tree:
"Xena, we're fine. Wish you were here. Tasha & Gabrielle."
I glanced at Gabby. "I still prefer mine."
Gabby laughed. "If a Roman read, 'Hey Xena, Caesar sucks!', he'd burn down your home."
"You're the Bard," I said.
"And, you're a good friend, Tasha."
I packed fresh clothing, checked my generators, and disconnected my fresh water pumps. Too many curious footprints circled the base of my tree-hut. Gabrielle pointed north, my opposite direction.
"Aren't we going to warn your neighbors?"
"Why?"
She smiled. "Maybe we can gain information about Xena."
We stopped at the first contact who knew my face. A tall farmer, Brutus-I think, packed his family's belongings into a wagon for a hurried trip inland. He barely looked at me.
"You are being hunted, Tasha. We all are."
Gabrielle stepped forward. "Have you heard anything about Hercules or Xena: the Warrior Princess?"
"Hercules took to the sea battling a massive engagement south of Athens." Unsure of Gabrielle, he waved his wife and kids to rush into the cab of his wagon. "Xena reformed her blood-hungry army! Run, Tasha, while you still have your head."
I cupped Gabby's mouth. "How did you hear about Xena?"
The story of a family with a rich
uncle, Kirk Douglas, and who will inherit his money. Phil Hartman and Michael J. Fox are hilarious, and
watching the entire family feud over money with great one liners and plots against each other keeps you
laughing and wondering. A believable story with and unpredictable ending, this is a funny film that keeps
you guessing as to how things will turn out