Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him. *Martin Luther King Jr. *1964 Nobel Peace Prize

I was drawn to an area near where we live.  It use to be a big site for the Indians of long ago.  There are burial caves and bluffs and ceremonial grounds.  It was during the hard times of the divorce that I was drawn here.  I met some people that practiced the old Lakota ways.  They took me right in and started teaching me the ways of this Native culture.  When I was feeling like I couldn't go on, I would head out there.  I would find the peace that I was looking for.  I would find the strength I needed.  One day I was having a very hard time.  I had learned that my ex had been taking his anger out on the boys verbally.  I went to the bluffs and just let all the anger and fear out.  I told the Creator I didn't understand why He was allowing this to happen to the boys.  They were innocent victims in this.  I started walking.  I found a part of the bluff I hadn't been to before.  There, out on the edge of the bluff, was the most twisted and dead looking tree.  I walked out to it.  I thought, you are my twin.  It looked as twisted up as I felt inside.  I went out to it and placed my arms around it.  I asked the spirit in the tree to tell me how it survived out on that edge.  I started bawling like a baby.  Crying for what had happened to me as a child, for letting myself get into a very bad marriage, and most of all for having to know that because of my fear, the boys had to go through what they did.  All of a sudden a peace started to come to me.  I looked at the tree closer.  Even though it was twisted all around on itself many times over, and it looked like it was dead, there on the end of its branches was my hope.  The tiniest green buds.  I realized in life, we hit times when we think we can't go on, that there is no hope.

Good words do not last long unless they amount to something. *Chief Joseph *Nez Perez

It was at this time that the bear returned to me in another form. A friend that I had met at the bluffs gave me a necklace. He use to tease me about the "faces" that I saw in rocks. He asked me "What do you see in this one?" I looked at the necklace he had made for me. And there was that bear following me again. There was an image of a girl with dark hair. She was holding her hand up over part of her face. And right behind her, coming out of a cave...was a black bear. It again had it's mouth open. It was as plain to me as anything ever could be. She wasn't running as quick from the bear as I had in my youth. But she was still fighting the truth some. Many months after receiving this necklace..I again looked closely at it. Now there was a baby bear inbetween the first bear and the girl. The meaning.......I shall find out in time.

But in every situation there is always hope.  there is always a renewal, if we allow the Creator to take hold. I realized that I had been trying to run my life again.  I had been looking to my knowledge alone to try to chart my path. This can never be done. For we are a very minute part of Creation. We have a very limited view of what is and what is to come. When we depend on ourselves alone, we will inevitably fail. We have to give up the notion of self importance and call on the Creator to help lead us. He will not live our lives for us, but He will show us clues along the way if we are willing to watch for them. This was the greatest turning point in my life. I still have times when I get into the mode of thinking I don't need any help, but something always happens to remind me that I do. So, Itry to always remember to wake up with thanks on my tongue for the day I have been given. Try to remember to watch the rest of Creation for clues to the steps I am to take. And each night I thank the Creator and all of Creation for the help I have been given that day. It is still hard, but I no longer feel alone. I know that I will continue and I will learn more each day. Hopefully one day I will be able to say that I have overcome my earlier misconceptions of what is real And God willing, I will be here long enough to pass on the truth to my sons and to anyone else that He sends to cross my path. As the Lakota say... Mitak Oyasin... For All My Relations.

All writings are © by Alaskan Angels and Roberta Wallace 1998. No copying in part or whole is permitted without written permission of owner.