My Healing
When we want something..
Want it very much..
Want life itself..
There are no limits
To our means of seeking it.
The best, the latest,
The strongest, the most powerful
And of course, the most expensive
That is what we seek.
~~Ann~~
Prosthesis
The mirror captures for an instant
your little-girl body yearning
for breasts--like mine.
I watch as you hold the soft
contoured form to your chest
and imagine what it will be like.
I am tempted to seize the image
etched on my consciousness.
You ask:"May I have it?"
And I say softly:
"No daughter, never
--No, never."
~~Susan~~
How Do I Live
How can I learn to live with you
haunting my every thought and dream
You came into my life like
a thief in the night
I never invited you
I asked you to leave
You laughed in my face
You said, you're here for the
duration of my life
I have something to say about that
I'm not going down without a fight!!
You invaded my body
but, never my soul.
~~Rose~~
Side Effects
One evening in group
Lori took off her headscarf
She was naked in front of us
Her baldness was startling
Her boldness more so
We were a priviledged few
Allowed to share her grief
As she pulled off the covering
and revealed what lay underneath
She embraced her own bald
vulnerability in our presence.
~~BJ~~
Bone Marrow Transplant
I had a friend
I wanted to know her better
we really laughed together
women in their thirties
everything before them
She stopped by and we sat
at the kitchen table
Who needed to meet over
breast cancer?
We whed we had met at the PTA
Ann had a bone marrow transplant
she thought it would help
I couldn't tell her--
I didn't know for sure
I brought her a book for inspiration
What else could I do?
And then she died
It was too much for her
She is in a better place now
Rest in Peace, Ann.
~BJ and the BC Group~~
Trying
I am trying to fight you
with every ounce of strength
I have left, from all the poisons
that are being pumped into me daily.
You disrupted my entire life,
made me a prisoner of myself,
afraid to see what you have
done to me, and for others
to witness such horror.
You issued me a death sentence
that I can't and won't accept.
I can't accept who I have become,
how can I expect others to accept me??
I am afraid to make love
to the man that matters most,
wondering what he is thinking,
if he's terrified to be with me.
I need love desperately to help me
get through this dreaded disease.
I am experiencing way too
much pain and sorrow now.
I am afraid to fall in love
knowing that I will die
before I have a chance
to find out how it feels.
I have accepted you for what
you are but it doesn't mean
I have to like it!!
~~Rose~~
Prayer
May breast cancer open
our hearts to our deepest pain.
May the fear we face through
this experience make us stronger.
May we walk through this together
holding each other within our hearts
May the power of Woman be renewed.
Fear of Recurrence
Sometimes I feel like I can't
let go of it, If I do
when it comes flooding back--
I will drown.
If I stay with it
I know its dimensions
If I let go of it
anything can happen.
I no longer have the
luxury of living
as if I might live forever
as if I hadn't been warned.
A recurrence might be more
terrifying than the
initial diagnosis
Cancer may be incurable
but a recurrence...
and after all my hard work
would destroy me for sure.
~~Carol~~
