Commentary Without Thought

Minnesota leads the nation in making a statement on POLITICS!!

Don't let the analyst and experts fool you. Minnesotans proved that your vote is never wasted. Do I know the issues? All that matter to me! Do you know the issues? Click on Jesse's picture to find out!

Name: Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Real Name: James Janos
Birth Date: 7-15-52
Titles Held: AWA World Tag Team Title (w/ Adrian Adonis)

Here are a few essays I've read recently on the web that I've enjoyed and shared my viewpoint on the forementioned subjects.

"Shyness is nice but shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life you'd like to"
-- Morrissey

It's really frustrating being shy. See, the thing is, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. And yet, if you speak to a friend, or a counselor, they always start with the proposition that the world is right and you are wrong. No matter what it is, the world is fine just the way it is, so there must be something wrong with you. So they immediately focus on changing you. But you don't want to change.

The change takes one of two forms: change you to be something that you're not so you can fit into their world, or change you to accept the world as it is - with you not really a part of it. Neither of these is acceptable. You're really fine being who you are, and don't want to be somebody different. Why it should be so difficult for someone like you to meet real friends or someone to love is ridiculous. World: you should be ashamed of yourself. But like a faithful spouse in a bad marriage, we're stuck with you. (What was i thinking when i signed up for this planet? I must have been really drunk that night. No wonder I don't drink in this life.)

So all the shy people among us can do is trudge along and, if this isn't an oxymoron, make do with the unacceptable. Sad thing is, there is no advocacy for this group. There is no Timid Lobby on Capitol Hill, no OSA (Organization of Shy Americans). Heck, who would be their spokesperson? :) I don't have a solution for this. Yet. Wherever i live or visit, I seek out places to socialize other than bars, places where the competitive air isn't so thick you can cut it with a knife. There are a few: the Pop Stop at 1513 17th St. NW in DC, for example. But the pickings are slim. I still haven't found anything likeable in South Florida. But I'll keep working on it. If you know of any such places where you live, email me.

I leave with a warning for the rest of you. A long time observer of humanity, Ambassador Londo Mollari of the Centauri (cf. "Babylon 5") notes the following.

Isadora Alman

Let's look in on Evelyn Everywoman and Ed Everyman, just finishing a delicious meal and smiling into each other's eyes at their simultaneous sigh of after-dinner satisfaction. This could be the celebration of their thirtieth wedding anniversary or their third date. They know what will probably follow dinner. So do we.

It's unlikely that either of them is giving much thought to the magazine covers they passed today, the overheard personal conversations at the office, the unstated message of the perfume ad right next to their favorite newspaper column. She might turn her attention inward for a brief conversation with herself, but it's more likely to be about facts than feelings - are there fresh linens on the bed? Are her legs clean shaven? He might do the same. Will that unaccustomed glass of wine affect him adversely? Can he get through a busy tomorrow with less than the usual amount of sleep?

They would both, being intelligent and psychologically aware, be able to put into words the reasons they would be engaging in sex this night. Perhaps they are hoping to become closer as a couple, to continue the evening's sharing of pleasure, and to elicit loving feelings from the other. Their reasons might even be wonderfully in synch, a rarity.

If this is the first time these to people are going to engage in sex or if it is the several thousandth, how likely is it that the earth will move, metaphorical waves crash against the shores and fireworks explode in jubilation? Even if they attribute the less-than-soul-stupefying outcome to the awkwardness of the first time or the predictability of an often performed duet?

Think back to the last time you were sexual with a sweetie. I hope the memory is accompanied by a smile. Once you have fixed the occasion in your mind, the when, where and what, the query I pose to you is "why?".

If the question strikes you as peculiar or the answer ridiculously obvious, I invite you to think back over your sexual history. Was there never a time you accommodated a partner's desire rather than being propelled by your own? What about a time when you sought comfort, or offered it, or had sex not for the physical sensations it provides but more for the psychological, such as validation of your desirability.

Once most of us are willing to search our motives honestly, the variety of reasons and their combinations that any one person might engage in sex at any one time is astounding: To express love or affection, because a graceful refusal seems impossible, out of anger or a desire for revenge, to fulfill another's expectations, to feel loved or admired, to touch and be touched, to have orgasms, to make a baby, out of boredom, to claim your partner's full attention, to feel powerful, to stop thinking, to show off, to get some exercise, even because it appears a more attractive alternative to what's playing on t.v.

Speaking of television: turn it on and focus on the treatment of sex. For that matter, listen to the top 40 play list on any radio station, open the pages of most magazines, go to a movie, a play, or a display of current photography. Sex might be dressed up in the ribbons of romance, the little lacies of love, but as often as not it's right out there practically naked.

Even if you avoid commercial television for the public broadcast stations, see only documentary films and confine yourself to news magazines, you get the message. Every day in ways both blatant and subtile, we are told via every medium available on our vast communication super highway what a big deal sex is. It's used as a sales tool for everything from life-enhancing luxuries to life-destroying substances. Ours is the only culture in history to use sexual attraction as a basis for a life-long union, let alone a monogamous one. Sex is promoted as life's all-purpose magic bullet, a wonder drug more powerful than aspirin.

Given the continuous omnipresent ballyhoo to which we are all exposed - that sex, at the very least, makes the world go round - and given the enormous burdens of expectations each of us tends to bring to sex (that if we are good, he is good and it is good, Loved One and I will be sure to live happily ever after) it's a wonder that anyone ever comes away satisfied from any given sexual interaction. It's absolutely amazing, not that sex often disappoints, but that it ever even occasionally, surpasses our most fanciful hopes!

Remember the next time you hold out your arms for that most ancient of dances that sometimes there are jackpots, rainbows and even earth tremors. Most often, what there is is simply sex...about which someone once said "When it is good it is very very good, and when it is bad it's often still pretty good".