Top Ten indicators of your having become an "Amrikan Dood"

10. You think most Indian teenagers are pure and chaste.

9. You think everyone in the world knows about the O.J. Simpson case.

8. You can't believe the world wide web exists in India. You can't believe Delhi has had phone services like call waiting and the other fancy stuff you get here for the past three years and you can't believe there have been ATM (like MAC) machines in Indian cities for more than 7 years.

7. You like Broccoli.

6. You find cricket to be boring but watch golf, bowling or curling on TV.

5. You express sarcasm with "Yeah, right."

4. When you see anyone at all pass by you on the road, you greet them with a "Howz it goin", "Whassup" or "How you doin" and keep walking on.

3. You say "interesting" when either you don't care or think it is weird.

2. You refer to India as a Third World Country.

1. You understood, enjoyed and could relate to every joke in the joke Page.

Author: Rajiv Pant (Betul)

Desi Broken English Dialogues

I talk, he talk; Why do you beech beech talk?(beech, beech = middle, middle)

Open the windows and let the atmosphere come in"!

"Why are you naat filupping the blanks ?"

Maro saale ko:: Hit the brother in law

"Hey, u guys, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside"

"Donot smoke and spoil the botany of ur body"

"Open the windows, open the windows, let the climate come in"

Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies or get her married: "Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry her, then marry her ."

Prof to students hanging around the corridors during exams: "Do not revolve in the corridors in front of the examinations"

"Don't talk like that in front of my back"

"Dont stand in front of my back"

"Louly hair cutting. Hair cutting, current drying. No shock."

"Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju . B.A, M.A."

"Repeat again please!"

"Mistake became wrong!"

Did you cut the tickets for the film, yet?

Pliss, close the fan!

He/she's my cousin brother/sister

He/she's my co-brother/sister

Galatfehmi ka shikar hona:: to be hunted down by misunderstanding.

Izzat ko mitti me milana:: To mix one's honor in mud

Meri izzat ki naak cut gayee:: My honors' nose has been chopped off

Kiske saath moonh kaala kiya? :: Who have you blackened your face with?

naak mein dum karna:: to strengthen the nostrils

An instructor explaining the working of pendulum: "Take an elephant of negligible weight"

heard in kitchen: No, No I don't need chair i can stand eating

It's so hot! Please on the fan no.

Instructor: "Take a copper wire of any metal...and pour a liquid solution of sulphuric acid in a round bottom flask of any shape.. "

A gardener scolding three kids : "Both of u three, don't under-stand the tree"!!

"Open the doors of the window, and let the atmosphere come in "

Pune'ites, and Bombay'ites will understand this - "This is not 'parvadable'"!!!

"You three, both of you kneel down together separately">/p>

"There is no wind in the ball (deflated football)"

"Run with the fence" (alongside)

"Look at the line on your back" (falling in line)

"Apply Apply, No reply" (common one)

"Why aren't you kneel downing?"

If you talk, I'll kneel down (Always wished he would, but found out that, that's not what he meant)

Cuckoo, Blaady (Kick you, bloody...)

The principal just passed away.

Who took out the breeze of my cykill.

Meet me behind the class (meant after the class).

My cykill is understanding the tree.

Open the windows and let the AIR FORCE come in"!

Haven't you always wondered how "Americanisms" would sound like if they were translated literally to an average Indian on, say, the streets of New Delhi (or elsewhere)?

Have a nice day!

* Achcha din lo!

How's it going?

* Kaisa jaa raha hai?

No way, Jose!!

* Koi raasta nahee, Jose!!

> What's up?

*Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding!

*Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

No kidding!! * Koi bachcha nahi bana raha!!

Don't kid me!

* Mera bachcha mut banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up?

* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Yo, baby! What's up?

* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Cool!

* Thandaa!

Don't mess with me, dude.

* Mere saath gandagee mat karo, ek hustee.

Check this out, man!

* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

She's so fine!

* Woh itnee bedaag hai!

In our great 'linguistic melting pot country', we speak Hindilish. The entire range of emotions can be measured in Hindish, Benglish, Punjish, Tamlish and Gujjish. Here is a letter showing this.

Hey Yaar there !

Bhat man, no nooj fram you far lang time ? Bhat matter eej ? Hab you forgotten me ? Myself, Deepak Khanna from IIT Kanpur. Same Kolege, same nolej, yaar. Hee hee.

Arre bhai, yesterday I go restaurant and they ask, what bil you hab? Cadberry? Papsee? Or one bottle Thunderbolt, one 'baees ka pauwa' and one lag piece ? Or bil it be straight 'chempen'?

Talking of alcohol, do you know there are three kinds of beer in India ? One you drink, one you sleep with (called 'taddy beer'you hug it) and one you having nothing to do with, since you cannot 'beer' it. Not to talk of the Gujju Beers of Dalal Street who in these Bull Harshad Mehta days, ask each other, (instead of the customary 'kem che ?') 'scam che ?'

Coming back to good old Punjaaaaab, everything is 'fitta-fit', thank you. 'The loins of Bhatinda welcome you' says a roadside sign. The greatest of their loins, Ajit (of the 'Tawny', 'Raabert' and 'Mona Darrrling' fame) inaugurated the 'Groin young loins, mathlab Leo as in leopard' Club just the other day.

The Bengalis like to 'shit outside' in the cool 'bridge'. Of course, it is impossible to cross the Howrah 'breeze' these days, especially during the'crush' hour, when your clothes in the crowded buses get 'crust'. Bengalis do not have 's' sound and Oriyas do not have 'sh'. So when Bengalis sing 'God shave the queen', Oriyas shout 'Same, same'.

Delhi 'sacooter taxi vallas' will say 'Woh Susu ki' referring to Maruti Suzuki.

And a Delhi teenager might ask a restaurant waiter to 'rape the snakes'(wrap the snacks) and 'snakes' could be anything from 'peeza' to 'baig-dish' (baked dish) to 'senwich' or a plain 'aam-late'. And the waiter asks 'Do you want them raped separate, separate or together ?'

Which all amounts to BJP. No, not the Bharatiya Janata Party, but 'Bada Jollu Party' of Tamil Nadu (this acronym refers to a 'lecher') with its 'jalrafying' tendencies. Ready-aaa ? In Tamil Nadu, 'somebody else' becomes 'somebody yells' and villages become 'vill-aage' and marriages, 'marr-aaage' and people vacation in 'Gova' and 'Lenden'. And not to forget that bakery called 'Standard confessionary' (sic) in Madras who are the 'biggest loafers in town'. And Madras folks are also concerned about others' opinions and wonder 'What will four people think, saaar ?'

Which brings us to my native land, Rajasthan. One english tutor was heard telling his pupil that 'pittal' is 'bras'. And also that 'Mooli' is 'carrot'. The mother of the student overheard and came in and asked 'Isn't Mooli radish?' To which the embarrassed teacher replied 'Yes, yes, Mooli is sometimes reddish and sometimes whitish.'

And two IIT Kanpur professors were bickering about regional accents. When one Bihari professor got up to make a speech "Bhy bharchu of then authority bheshted in me ...." he was interrupted by his Malayali colleague, (A Malayali colleague =Malayaleague) who commented "What atrocious accent !". Stung, the Bihari retorted. "Bhat bil you shay ?" "Why, I would say it 'praperly'" said the Malayali "Like 'By wertu yof the yatarity wasted in me...."

I am not knowing if you are doing the understanding ?