The Restaurant at the End of the Universe Highlights!

(*s indicate my favorites and a whole bunch indicates my absolute favorite)

"If I ever meet myself, I’ll hit myself so hard, I won’t know what’s hit me."
"Nothing at all, not an electric sausage."
"Here, suck this," said Roosta, offering Zaphod his towel.
The Jatravartid people of Viltvodle IV believe that the entire Universe was in fact sneezed out of the nose of a being called the Great Green Arkleseizure. The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear of the time they call the Coming of the Great White Hankercheif, are small blue creatures with more than fifty arms each, who are therefore unique in being the only race in history to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.
*The average Vogon would not think twice before doing something so pointlessly hideous to you that you will wish you had never been born (or if you are a clearer thinker that the Vogon had never been born).
*The protruding upper halves of the letters (that once read "Share and Enjoy", the motto of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Complaints Division) now appear in the local language to read "Go stick your head in a pig" and are only lit up on special occasions.
"I think the only reason I waste my breath on you is that being dead, I don’t have any other use for it."
*When a recent edition of Playbeing magazine headlined an article, "When you are tired of Ursa Minor Beta , you are tired of life," the suicide rate there quadrupled overnight.
*"I am here, my body wanted to come but it’s a bit busy at the moment. Things to do, people to see. You know how it is with bodies….The truth is that we are currently undergoing a period of legal trial separation. I suspect it will end in divorce. I think we were probably not very well-suited, we never seemed to be happy doing the same things. We always had the greatest arguments over sex and fishing. Eventually we tried to combine the two, but that only led to disaster as you can probably imagine. And now my body refuses to let me in. It won’t even see me. It says I only inhibit it. I pointed out that in fact I was meant to inhabit it, and it said that that was exactly the sort of smart alec remark that got right up a body’s left nostril, and so we left it. It will probably get custody of my forename."
Zaphod Beeblebrox slapped both his foreheads with two of his arms and one of his thighs with the other.
*"Listen, little green person, my stomach could take you home and cuddle you all night for the mere idea."
"Hey, wait a minute, you dead guys,"
*There is no problem involved in becoming your own mother or father that a broad-minded and well adjusted family couldn’t cope with.
He was built the one way builds a leather sofa; shiny, lumpy, and with lots of solid stuffing.
"He’s spending a year dead for tax reasons."
******"Would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?"…"Good evening, I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body? Something off the shoulder perhaps? Braised in a white wine sauce? Or the rump is very good; I’ve been exercising it and eating plenty of grain, so there’s a lot of good meet there. May I urge you to consider my liver? It must be very rich and tender by now; I’ve been force-feeding myself for months."…"Four rare steaks please and hurry; we haven’t eaten in 576, 000, 000 years."…"A wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good, I’ll just nip off and shoot myself. Don’t worry, sir, I will be very humane."******
*A party of smartly dressed young dogs stopped throwing rolls at each other and started throwing rolls at the stage.
"Go bang your heads together, four-eyes."
"No, no, your monkey has it right, sir"
"I can even go and stick my head in a bucket of water if you like…I’ve got one ready. Wait a minute…I hope that gave satisfaction."
"But what about the End of the Universe? We’ll miss the big moment!" "I’ve seen it. It’s rubbish. Nothing but a gnab gib (opposite of a big bang)."
*"The best conversation I had was over forty million years ago and that was with a coffee machine."
*There is an infinite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all of the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. Therefore, any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
"Property is theft, right? Therefore theft is property. Therefore this ship is mine."
*"If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, their brains start working."
A song…"I teleported home one night with Ron and Sid and Meg. Ron stole Meggy’s heart away and I got Sidney’s leg."
*To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
"Pussy think, eat fish or not eat fish. I think it is better if I do not get involved."
"The secret of healthy hitchhiking is to eat junk food."
"And we interrogated a gazelle!"
*"One’s never alone with a rubber duck."
"I’m trying to teach the cavemen to play scrabble."
One should never throw the letter Q into a privet bush, but unfortunately, there are times when it is unavoidable.
She went to sleep every night profoundly grateful for the fact that whatever she had to face in the morning it wouldn’t be a hundred almost identical photographs of moodily lit tubes of toothpaste.