Uh-oh.... read on... the quote: "I am hurting you, I am hurting you, you are even crying" from Metamorphose

"Kizutsukete kizutsukete kimi ga naite mo"

    It had been a month since the initial rejection but Mayu had not gotten over it. He never said anything at practice, and when he did, it was one-word responses to questions asked. To make matters worse, Emiru also had begun to mope around. The usual cheeriness that emminated from the bouncy bassist had left, leaving him an empty shell of a former mound of cuteness.
    Practice had gotten harder and harder and this one was no exception. Kamijo and Machi's awkward talking was the only sound filling the studio during breaktime. Emiru just sat there, staring at Mayu, who took no notice.    Clearing his throat, the vocalist announced, "Um, we all seem kind of tired today, why don't we call it quits for the day?"
    Everyone seemed relieved.
    Turning to his lover, Kamijo said, "Hey hon, I have an appointment with a producer this afternoon, so I'll be home a little later, all right?"
    Smiling, the drummer replied, "I'll be waiting." He leaned forward and the two men shared a quick kiss before Kamijo turned around and walked out the door.
    Mayu let out a large sigh and took his leave, dragging his feet as he went. Machi, still having the drumming spirit in him, picked up his drumsticks and started to play an upbeat riff on his set. As he was jamming to his own beat, Emiru, eyes cast down, appeared beside him.
    "Eh, ano, Machi?" he asked nervously, shuffling the ground with his foot.
    Stopping the noise, the drummer looked up and smiled. "What is it, Run Run?"
    "Um, can I come over? Something's bothering me and I really need to talk to somebody?" He turned away so that Machi couldn't make eye contact.
    "Yeah, of course. Kamijo will be a little late anyways, so shall we go?"
    Emiru smiled slightly, the only crack Machi had seen in his shell of sadness. "Un."

    Handing a hot cup of tea to Emiru, Machi plopped down on the couch next to him. They just sat in silence a while, the bassist idly stirring the drink with a spoon. Finally, he spoke up, saying, "I- I like somebody."
    "Ah, so that's what's bothering you! Love..." Machi sighed.
    Shaking his head in mild disgust, Emiru retorted, "It's unrequited." The hands that held the cup clenched tighter. "I- he- doesn't notice."
    With pitying eyes, Machi gazed at the smaller man who was biting his bottom lip, as though holding back tears. "Have you talked to him?" he asked.
    A couple small trails of water appeared from the corners of those dark eyes. "He- he's going through the same thing," Emiru replied, voice shaking. "But- not with me." Just as who it was Emiru was speaking of came to Machi's mind, the bassist conformed it with words. "I just want Mayu to notice me!"  His small shoulders began to gently shake as all of the pent up troubles slid out in the form of tears.
    In an almost motherly sort of way, Machi wrapped his arms around the crying man, stroking the back of his head. "Don't cry, Emiru," the drummer softly said, but the tears kept coming.
    "I'm not good enough!" the bassist wailed. "Who would like me next to Kamijo?"
    Tightening his grip around Emiru, Machi commanded, "Don't say that, Run Run! You know that's not true!" Machi felt Emiru shake his head into his neck. "It's not true. You know I love you, in a friendly sort of way. Who wouldn't?"

***

    Kamijo gently opened the door of his apartment, but stopped as he thought he heard Machi's voice.
    "I mean, you're cute, friendly, energetic, and have such pretty eyes! How could I not adore you?" Machi's voice said.
    Eyes widening, Kamijo rushed in, seeing his lover hold the other man close in his arms. He felt as though his heart were shattering into a thousand pieces.
    Machi looked up, seeing his lover's horrified expression. "K-kami-chan, it's not what you think!"  Kamijo wouldn't listen, he turned on his heels, running out the door. Machi got up, making steps to follow him and called out, "Wait, Kami-chan, please!"  He heard the door of the stairwell slam and sank slowly to the floor, burying his face in his hands. Tears streamed through his fingers as sobs racked his body.
    Emiru didn't know what to do. "I'm so sorry, Machi! This is all my fault!" he exclaimed, crying, "I get in everybody's way."
    Machi shook his head, still crouched over on the floor. "It's not your fault... I- I'm sure he'll be okay. Right?"
    Emiru nodded his head, wiping his tears away with his sleeve. "I'll go now. Maybe I can find Kamijo for you."
    Before Machi could stop him, he had left.

    Blinded by tears, Kamijo ran down the streets, not knowing where he was going and not really caring. His Machi, holding another man, telling him words of affection. And then the drummer had tried to cover for his untruthfulness! Finally, exhausted, the blonde haired man slumped onto a park bench and just sat, even tears not flowing anymore.
    Machi... why had he cheated on him? Hadn't his love been enough? Did he not give him enough, love him enough? Confusion and shock numbed Kamijo's mind to all common sense. Suddenly, an idea sprung to his head. Mayu. That would get Machi jealous and he'd come back to him! Grinning externally, but internally crying, Kamijo made his way to Mayu's house.

    Night fell and Kamijo had still not come home. With a tear-streaked face, Machi sat in his lover's silent apartment, trying to decide what to do. Give him more time, Machi thought. I'm sure he'll be back tonight. He glanced up at the clock on the microwave. 11:00. I'll just wait for him in bed, keep it warm for when he comes home.
    Sluggishly, the drummer walked to the empty bedroom. Alone he undressed and pulled on pajamas. Alone he brushed his teeth and removed him make-up. Alone, he slipped under the blankets. He felt so helpless, so small in the big bed, with no Kamijo there to hold him tight and kiss his eyelids closed. He tried in vain to suppress a sob, but it was no use. Tears overflowed his eyes and he buried his face into the pillow, soaking it with moisture. Feeling empty inside, he fell into a restless sleep.

    Machi's heart raced faster as he pushed open the door to the studio. He had spent the night alone and woken up in the morning in the same state. His eyes fell on the most horrific sight as the door finally swung open. There, on the couch, sat his Kamijo... with his arm around Mayu, smiling. His green eyes looked up at the shattered man in the doorway. "Well now that Machi FINALLY decided to come, I guess we can start."  Something in his voice didn't sound right.
    Machi swallowed down tears. Awkwardly, he walked over to his drum set and sat down, hands trembling as he picked up the sticks. Emiru looked equally upset and couldn't make eye contact with Machi.
    Finally, they began to play. The drums were slow, the bass missed notes, the vocalist's voice cracked once or twice. Yet the guitar sung out better than it ever had before. Each note struck Machi like a blow and by the end of the practice, he was left bruised and beaten.
    "Machi, you need to practice more. How do you expect us to be a good band with terrible drummer? If you aren't taking my band seriously, maybe I'll just find another drummer." Kamijo's words did more hurt than anything could have at the moment. Machi. No chan, just Machi. Terrible. He could feel his eyes stinging and without saying a word, he grabbed his bag and left the studio, but not before he caught a glimpse of Kamijo pulling Mayu into his lap.
    Kamijo, how could you?! Machi's mind screamed as tears streamed down his cheeks. I love you, Kami-chan, come back to me!
    That night, he packed his belongings up and headed, defeated, back to his own apartment.

    Dammit, Kamijo, what were you thinking? his mind cursed. That was your Machi you yelled at! His Machi. Well, he used to be his, at least. His thoughts were interrupted as he felt Mayu's soft hand press against his cheek.
    "What's wrong, Kamijo-chan?" he aksed gently, a look of worry in his eyes.
    The blonde man shook his head, replying, "Nothing, don't worry about it."
    The guitarist bit his lip lightly, pushing down the feeling that he knew what was wrong. That's Machi's problem, this is my chance now. "Well, dinner is ready if you want to eat..."
    Kamijo forced a smile. "Good, I'd like that." He followed the slim man into the kitchen and sat down opposite him at the table. The dinner was curry rice, and Kamijo hated to admit it, but Mayu was a good cook.
    The long haired man cast his eyes down nervously, asking, "Do you like it?"
    "Of course, it's delicious!" Kamijo tried to keep his voice from wavering, but knew he had to keep strong. It was his choice and he was going to stick true to it.
    A large smile spread across the guitarist's face. "I'm glad!" He looked so happy, eating his curry rice with Kamijo across from him. The blonde man's mind didn't know what to think. One part of him wanted so badly to return to Machi, his love, but the other told him harshly that Machi had been unfaithful and he was just getting what he deserved. Silently, he just ate the food that was offered to him, trying to push his troubles to the back of his mind.

    The phone rang once... twice... three times... and with no answer, the answering machine came on. "Kami-chan? It's Machi... I... I just want you to know, nothing is happening between me and Emiru! He... he likes Mayu, but Mayu won't return it and he was getting really upset so I was comforting him... trust me, Kami-chan, I love you... I... I miss you, please call me... I'll be at my apartment. Okay, um, bye..."
    He hung up the phone, breath beginning to come in short gasps, tears coming soon after. He slid down to the floor, crying into his knees. Mayu. What was happening with Mayu? He felt as though his world was crashing down around him. All of his hopes, his dreams... his lover... gone. He'd give him another chance, another day. Tomorrow he would talk to him, he'd have to over it by then! ... Right?

To Part 6