A revelation is something that can come to you out of nowhere. And when they come to you like that, it leaves you disoriented and unbalanced. And out of nowhere it came to me.

It started innocently enough. She wanted to plan a party. She thought it would be a perfect activity for the two of us to do to "bond" after being apart for so long, during that last tour. So I allowed her to carry out her plans, thinking that it could be fun. That was how I found myself hosting the New Year's party. I didn't really mind. I mean, every party is just the same. Provide the place, the music and the booze and it all works out well. The only thing you really have to do is clean up afterwards.

I was talking with Howie and Kevin, when I just looked around for Kelly. I caught her eye from across the room. And felt nothing. It was just dull and flat. Just nothing. There was nothing there anymore. It was devastating to me. I mean, I thought I loved this girl, and all of a sudden, I realise that I never had. It had all been just a mistake.

According to every description of real love, when you see someone you love across a room, when you meet their eyes, the world is supposed to stop. You are supposed to get lost in their eyes, completely losing touch with everything around you. You are supposed to be lost in that second, a second that would seem to go on forever. Breathless. Eternal. Love.

But I felt nothing.

All these thoughts circulating through my head, I needed to get out. I needed to find a place to breathe, to contemplate what was going on. I wandered outside, to be alone. But when I got out there, I could hear voices drifting from the balcony. For a moment, they sounded like Nick and some girl, but as I didn't want to eavesdrop (I knew I'd get the scoop later anyway), I turned and walked back into the house.

By that time, the ball had dropped, and most people had already headed home. I knew that mostly everyone left would probably end up just crashing here, so I didn't need to play the gracious host any longer. I retreated from all the eyes, and sat down on the dim staircase. I had been sitting in the dark for quite awhile when Kelly found me.

"So, what's your resolution?" she asked as she sat down beside me.

"I haven't really decided yet. How about you?" I asked, desperate to keep myself from revealing the startling realisation I had made earlier that night.

"I resolve to be more honest with everyone, Brian."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. I just realised that honesty is everything in a relationship. And I think it's time that I'm honest with you, Brian."

"Oh…about what?" I asked.

"About a lot of things. There is so much that I've never told you, that I want to tell you. About how different you are from everyone else that I've ever been with. About how much you've changed my life…for the better. I love you," she said. I was drowning. Why I can't I just love her? It would make my life so much easier. I had to find a way to break it to her, to tell her how I was feeling. I couldn't breath, I was suffocating.

"You are like an angel or something. You've been so much to me already, and we still have the future in front of us. Are you okay, sweetie? You look sick," Kelly asked. Her concern just made me feel worse.

"Nothing, Kelly. Actually, it's just that…no one has ever said that to me," I relented, looking at the warmth in her eyes, the love that was shining through. She smiled, and wrapped her arms around me.

I had a resolution now. My resolution was to find an easy way to undo my mistake…and ultimately break this girl's heart.