"Colt, are you ready? Kevin said the car would be here at 7:00," I called from my room as I twisted up my hair.
"Almost," he called back.
Ten minutes later there was a knock at the front door. This time I beat Colt to it. Laughing as I opened the door, I stood face to face with a beautiful blonde.
"Hunter?" she asked.
"Yes, can I help you?"
"I'm Leighanne Wallace, Brian's fiancée. Kevin sent me to get you and Colt," she said, smiling.
"Leighanne! It's so good to meet you. I've heard so much about you from Kevin," I said, offering my hand.
"Same here. He talks about you constantly and because of that Brian talks about you constantly. I'm almost jealous," she teased, ignoring my offered hand to hug me.
"Oh wow! You're Leighanne Wallace," Colt exclaimed upon seeing the blonde at the door.
"This is my son Colt. Colt, Kevin sent Leighanne to pick us up," I explained.
"I've never seen anyone so beautiful before," he sighed, staring at Leighanne. She smiled and slipped an arm around his shoulders.
"I may have to give up Brian for this heartbreaker," she said, walking us out to the limo that was waiting.
"You mean I'll have the sexiest and the hottest? Sounds good to me," I teased.
In the car on the way to the show Colt occupied himself with the various things in the back as Leighanne and I talked.
"Kevin really does talk about you all the time. Between what Brian says he says and what Kevin himself tells me I feel like I've known you for years. He's crazy about you," she added.
"I'm getting that impression," I answered, thinking about our kiss earlier that day. His lips had been so gentle and yet so sure. Like that single kiss was the only one either one of us had ever experience. I felt like I was a young girl again and it was the first kiss, the most beautiful kiss I would ever experience.
"I just have one question, Hunter. I love Kevin to death. He's like a brother to me. I couldn't stand to see him get hurt. How do you feel about him?" she asked me.
I turned to look at Colt as he played with the television in the console. He adored Kevin and Kevin adored him. Now I knew that Kevin was crazy for me. So here I was left with the question how did I feel about Kevin.
"I think I'm falling in love," I whispered, not wanting Colt to hear my confession.
"You think?" she echoed softly, looking me.
"All right, I know I'm falling in love with him," I corrected, smiling softly. "How could I not love him? But every time I look at Colt I wonder how I can."
"You have a hard situation, Hunter. A man who loves you that you love, but a son you need to watch out for as well. Your heart will lead you to the right answer. Mine led me to Brian after all," she said, grinning.
I smiled then gasped at the sight of the crowd around the venue. "Oh my! I've never seen so many people in my life. Are they all hear to see the guys?"
"Every one of them. It's a little scary the first few times but you'll get use to it. They start to recognize you and then you start to meet some really great people. Some of the fans have been amazing towards me. I've even gotten so wonderfully sweet gifts since we announced our engagement," she said, smiling.
"I just don't want Colt hurt in all this," I said, staring out the window.
"Trust me, as big as he is he'll be fine. Come, we are going in the back and then straight to the stage. The opening act is fairly good and should be on soon. Just hold my hand and don't let go," she ordered as we stepped out of the car.
I grabbed her with one hand and Colt with the other and we made our way through the crowd that had formed even at the back. There were screams and cries of joy at the sight of Leighanne and a few yells wondering who Colt and I were. Funny thins was if I could have answered I wouldn't have known what to say.
Once we were to the stage I took a deep breath and released Leighanne's hand. "Thank you," I said, smiling at her.
"No problem. Oh look, there's Tommy. Tommy," she called out and I recognized the band member from videos and pictures Colt had shown me.
"Hello, beautiful. When did you get into town?" Tommy greeted, hugging Leighanne.
"Earlier today. I couldn't help myself. I missed Brian too much. Tommy Smith, this is the mysterious Hunter Deveraux and her son Colt. Hunter, Colt, this is Tommy. He plays the keys for the guys," Leighanne introduced.
"So you're Colt. Nice to finally meet you, buddy. Kevin's been talking about you non-stop for the last eight weeks," Tommy said, shaking my son's hand and then turning to shake mine. He smiled at me and I saw the easygoing man that I knew was very popular with the Backstreet Boys' fans.
"Are you ready for the show, Mr. Smith," I asked.
"Please, call me Tommy, and yes just about. I'm going to go check my equipment real quick then go change for the show. I hope you two enjoy it and it was nice to meet you," he said with a smile and a nod to my son and I before he stepped up on the stage.
Colt, Leighanne and I settled into our chairs just inside the barricades and waited. We sat through the opening act and chatted till the guys came out forty-five minutes later.
It was the most amazing thing I had ever heard in my life. All that happen was that the lights went down and suddenly the entire place went crazy. Everyone started screaming and jumping up and down and I started to think we were having an earthquake. I had never seen anything like it before. All these people were going wild for five men they hadn't even seen yet. Obviously my son wasn't the only one who worshiped these men.
The show was amazing. I've never seen anything like it before, the setup, the choreography, the special effects, the band, the dancers, and the men themselves were beyond words. The crowd never calmed down, they sang along and I even caught glimpses of some girls who even knew their dance moves. They were like Gods to these people in the crowd and one of those Gods was falling in love with me.
Carlos surprises me when he motioned for Colt and I to follow him to the stage half way through the show. I looked at my son who was ready to burst with excitement as I puzzled over what we were doing.
Up on stage Kevin talked about their song "The Perfect Fan" that Brian had written for his mother. Then he announced that they were bringing up some mothers and their kids to sit with them on stage.
When he held his hand out to me I smiled and placed my smaller one in his. "I have to say you must be the perfect fan," he whispered to me with a grin as he put his arm around Colt's shoulder.
It's hard not to love and respect a man who sits you on a stage in front of thousands of people and tells you that because you have the most amazing son you're perfect. It's hard to look into those green eyes and not know that you are equally loved and respected.
Watching Kevin circle the stage with Colt I found this peace in me. There were still a million things I didn't know about this tall, dark, and handsome man, things it would take a lifetime to learn. Sitting there though, I realized I wanted to spend a lifetime learning them. I wasn't just falling in love. I was in love with Kevin Richardson.
I gave his hand a little squeeze when he escorted us off the stage and smiled at him. Maybe I would tell him later that night. Maybe I would wait for him to say it. Maybe I would just let it happen when it happened.
I was on my feet for the remainder of the show, Colt and Leighanne by my side.
When the guys disappeared for the last time Leighanne grabbed my hand again and led Colt and I towards the back, one of the security guards making way for us.
Backstage Kevin scared me to death when he showed up picking me up and hugging me tightly.
"Hello gorgeous!"
"Oh my, you scared me. Kevin, you were wonderful. Thank you so much for getting us tickets," I said, hugging him back.
"Did you like my surprise?" he asked, throwing an arm around Colt's shoulder and hugging him.
"Man, that was the coolest thing in the world. Thanks, Kev," my son said, hugging his hero.
"Hunter," A.J. Called out, pulling me from Kevin's arms to sweep me up and spin me around.
"A.J.! Hey stranger. You were great. I had no idea you were soâ€| How should I put this? Male," I teased, hugging him.
"Yeah, I'm all man, baby," he said, grinning.
"Hands off, A.J. This lady is all mine," Kevin said, slipping his arm around me. He was smiling but in his eyes I could see the jealousy. No one had ever been jealous over me before.
"That's fine. Colt is way cooler anyway," A.J. answered, ruffling Colt's hair.
"Well if it isn't my favorite photographer," Brian greeted, his arm around Leighanne as he grinned at me.
"Hey shorty," I teased, smiling at him.
"Watch it. I'm still taller than Howie."
"I heard that," Howie called out. "Hey, Colt. How's it going?"
"Not bad. You guys were so awesome," Colt gushed.
"Thanks, little man," Nick answered, coming up behind my son. He tossed a jacket around Colt's shoulders and smiled.
Colt looked down at it and his face lit up when he saw the Backstreet Boys logo stitched on the jacket.
"Nick, this is so cool. Thanks," Colt said, hugging Nick.
"Thank you, Nick, but you didn't have to do that," I said, smiling at the tall blonde.
"Sure I did. Every member of the Backstreet family has one. Even you," he added, tossing Kevin a jacket that he put around my shoulders.
"Welcome to the family, Hunter," A.J. said.
"What?" I whispered, unsure of how to react.
"He said welcome to the family, baby girl. You're one of us now," Kevin added.
I looked at the jacket and felt my eyes burn. A family to belong to. I hadn't belonged to a family in so long. No one else had cared about me in so long. Suddenly, these five men and the people around them wanted to call Colt and I family.
"Excuse me," I whispered, rushing off in a blind direction so the didn't see my tears.
"Hunter," I heard Kevin call out.
"Don't, Kev. Just give her a second," Colt advised.
"What's wrong?" Nick asked.
"She's not alone anymore," Kevin answered.
"You know, if you're going to be a part of this family you're going to have to learn to cry in front of us."
I turned at the sound of the sweet southern voice behind me. Brian stood there, a gentle smile on his face.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what is wrong with me," I apologized, wiping away my tears.
Brian stepped toward me and pushed my hands away. He brushed his thumbs across my cheeks drying my tears and kissed my forehead.
"Kevin cares about you more than words can say, Hunter. His every thought is wrapped around you and Colt. I know you were young when you had him. I know you don't have any family. But come hell or high water you will always have us. We stand together, we fall together, we cry together, and we love together. Now smile and come back. I don't know what your tears were for, but I don't get you in there soon Kev's gonna cry," he said, smiling.
"If it weren't for Kevin and Leighanne I might have to marry you, " I answered, grinning as we walked back to the group.
"Hey, Kev. Man, you better talk to your woman. She's proposing to me," Br
ian teased his cousin. "What? One Kentucky boy wasn't good enough for you?" Kevin asked, his face a mask of mocking sadness.
"He's just back up in case you can't handle me," I said, laughing.
I slid my arm around Kevin's waist. I hugged myself close to him for a moment. He squeezed me gently and smiled.
"I'm going to go into shock soon if I don't eat. Anyone else hungry?" Nick asked.
"I'm starving," Colt added.
"You are always starving, kiddo," I said, kissing Colt's cheek. "Let's go eat."
"Hey, I'm a growing boy," Colt argued, grinning.
"If you get any taller I'm gonna break my neck looking up at you," I teased, as we headed toward the door.
"Was his father tall?" Leighanne asked.
Everyone fell silent and I could feel the tension. I needed to fix this and fast.
"Guys, don't be afraid to mention him. He's not a bad memory, I don't hate him or anything. He's not evil or cruel. He's just not here. Don't dance around him and don't be afraid of his memory. He's just not here. As for your question, Leighanne, yes, I think he did get his height from his father," I said, smiling.
I brushed my hand against my son's cheek. He had no father but I never wanted him to feel badly about himself because of that and I didn't want him to hate a man who never had a chance to love him.
"And don't apologize," I added when I saw the look on Leighanne's face. She smiled and nodded.
"He must have been one handsome devil to have such a gorgeous son," she said.
"He was a cutie," I admitted. "He had beautiful green eyes. I'm starting to figure out I'm a sucker for green eyes," I said, smiling up at Kevin.
"Smart woman," he said, smiling back.
Kevin and I stood outside of my home wrapped in each other's arms. Colt had fallen asleep in the car on the way home and Kevin had carried him inside to bed.
Since the day Colt was born I was the only one to tuck him in at night. How odd to share the experience with Kevin and yet how right it felt. If I could have picked a father for my son I would have chosen Kevin. Maybe I already had.
We stood in the night holding on to each other staring into one another's eyes.
I had made some wrong choices and some right choices and some choices that were neither right nor wrong in my life. I know though that I've made a lot of choices and that life from the moment it begins is full of them. I made another one that night.
"Have you ever held someone in your arms and they've made everything in the world perfect?" I asked him.
"Just once. It was a long time ago. We were young, too young really. It was when I was in Louisville for Football camp. It was about thirteen years ago," he answered.
"Who was she?"
"I don't know. She was upset and I couldn't bear to see her cry. There was something about her. Something pure and beautiful and magical. She brought something alive in me, but it's never been like it is when you're in my arms." He bent to kiss me then and I felt my heart race.
"I love you, Kevin," I whispered against his lips.
"I love you too, baby girl," he answered, kissing me passionately.
I hadn't felt like that in so long. I wanted him so much at the moment. I wanted nothing more than to lead him back to my room and make love with him all night. I knew we couldn't though. Not with Colt in the house, not with him leaving in a matter of hours.
"I love you so much I think it'll kill me sometimes. I don't want to leave you. I want to hold you all night and love you forever. I want to keep you with me till the sun sets on the last day of forever. You and your son because I love him too, Hunter," he confessed, holding me close.
"Will you come back to us?"
"The second the last show is over. I don't know when or how but you stole my heart, baby girl. Trust me, I'll be back for it."
"I trust you, Kevin. I trust you like I haven't trusted another person in thirteen years. I trust you and I believe in you. More importantly my son trusts you and believes in you. If you break my heart I'll live. I've done it before. I don't want Colt to know that. Not yet anyway. He deserves more time to believe that love is forever," I said, staring into the green eyes I loved so much.
"Love is forever, Hunter. As long as it's with the right person love is never ending. I love you and I love that boy inside and no matter what I will be back for both of you," he promised.
I held him for a few more minutes before he finally pulled away. We kissed one last time then I stood on the step and watched him climb back into the car. I stayed out there till the taillights faded into the night.
Walking back inside, I suddenly felt alone and lonely again. He was gone and he wouldn't be back for far too long. I curled up in a chair in the living room and stared into the darkness thinking about the evening. He loved me too.
Two days later we were on the phone again.
"So you never told me you had been to Louisville. That's where I'm from," I was telling him as Colt sat in the living room playing video games on the Game Boy Nick had given him.
"I knew there was a little bit of an accent in that beautiful voice. I use to go there every summer for football camp. It's beautiful there," he said. "They breed some pretty beautiful girls too, right?" he teased.
"I don't know. They seem pretty normal looking to me. Though their boys seem to turn out damn handsome," I teased back thinking of my son.
"Funny woman," he said, laughing.
"I miss you."
"I miss you too baby girl," he said quietly.
Baby girl....baby girl....baby girl. Louisville, a crying girl, a boy who comforted her, baby girl.
"You called her baby girl, didn't you?" I asked him suddenly.
"Who?" he asked, confused.
"The girl. The girl that summer. The one who made you feel alive, who was crying," I demanded.
"I think so. That was a long time ago, Hunter. Why do you ask?"
"Did you sleep with her?" I asked.
"Hunter," he began.
"Please, Kevin. Just answer me. Did you sleep with her?"
"Yes."
"Where were you when it happened?" Oh please don't say the park. Oh please!
"A park. It was late, she was upset, I felt something for her. I can't explain it. Her boyfriend was fighting with her. She was alone, scared. It just happened. Why do you want to know this, Hunter?"
"Oh my God," I sobbed, hanging the phone up.
It couldn't be. Not like this. He couldn't be, but everything fit. The time, the boy, the girl, the words, the feelings, the place. They all fit. How was it possible? How could this be true? But it was, wasn't it?
Kevin Richardson was Colt's father.
"Mom," Colt called out from the door of my bedroom. I knew I couldn't keep my sobbing quiet enough so he didn't hear me. My son knew everything about me. He always knew when I needed him.
"I'm okay, kiddo," I answered him.
"What's wrong?"
How could I explain this to him? Could I even explain it to him before I explained it to Kevin? Was I even sure about it?
"Did Kevin do something wrong?" he asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"No, baby. Kevin hasn't done anything wrong." If what I believed was true, he had done everything right for me.
What did I say to this child, this beautiful boy who was my every heartbeat, my every breath? Did I give him hope? Did I break his heart? Did I lie or did I tell him what I suspected? I couldn't risk him being hurt.
"It's not something Kevin did, Colt. I'm just sad. I miss him," I told my precious son.
"So you're crying because he's not here to make you smile."
"Exactly."
"Mom, you don't cry. Not for anyone or anything. Why for Kevin?" he asked, crawling onto the bed next to me.
"Because, kiddo, I love him. I fell in love with him," I admitted.
The phone rang then and I watched Colt reach for the one by my bed. He said hello and after a few more words, handed me the phone, then left.
"Hello," I whispered.
"I'm sorry," Kevin said softly.
"For what?" I asked, a sob catching in my throat.
"I'm not sure, but I did something to hurt you and I'm so sorry, Hunter."
"Kevin," I cried into the phone.
"Baby girl, talk to me please," he begged and I could hear his tears in his voice.
"You didn't hurt me, Kevin. In fact, you gave me the most precious gift in the world."
"Hunger, please. Tell me what you are talking about."
"That night in Louisville thirteen years ago. The girl you held, the body you loved, the life you changed. Kevin, I think that was me," I confessed.
"What are you saying?"
What was I saying? Was I really going to tell him? It would change everything about us. He could hate me, he could hate Colt, he could try to take him from me. How could I not though? For twelve years I've wanted Colt to know his father. I would deny either one of them that now.
"I'm saying it's possible you're Colt's father?"
"Oh my God," he breathed.
"Kevin, listen to me," I said, sitting up in my bed. "Don't say or do anything. Finish the tour, do what you always do, and then come back to us. I'm not positive about this, but too many pieces fit. Please, Kevin," I pleaded.
"When was he conceived?" Kevin asked.
"June."
"Where?"
"A park a couple of blocs from the junior high in Louisville, Kentucky. It was at night. I didn't know anything about him, you. It was dark. All I saw were beautiful green eyes."
"I have a son."
"My son has a father."
"Our son," he corrected.
I was quiet a moment. Our son.
"I don't know how to say that, Kevin. He's been mine for so long," I said.
"Hunter, you wouldn't try to keep him from me, would you?" he asked and I could hear the fear in his voice.
"Never. I would never do that to you or to Colt."
"Will you tell him?"
"Yes, but just give me a couple of days. He'll know before the tour ends," I promised.
"Four weeks, Hunter. Do you want to wait and do it together?" he offered.
"No. Please understand, Kevin. It's been Colt and I for so long. We won't keep you out but you have to let us get use to the idea. Please."
"How did this happen, Hunter? How could this have happened to us and we somehow find each other again years later?" he asked.
"I don't know. Maybe because we were suppose to find out who we were
before we could do this parenting thing together. Maybe you needed to stand
in the light, be your own man before you could give you life to another.
Maybe I needed to learn to really grow up and that meant raising a child. I
don't know. All I know is we are here. It doesn't make sense but it's
happening."
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