"Will Buffy be able to choose between two very different men from two very different worlds?"
Buffy stared at the vampires blood thirsty eyes, burning evily into hers. It pounced towards her and she wacked it with a roundhouse kick and pointed a stake to his heart. "Hello I'm Buffy....oh and my stake is just dying to meet you." With that she plunged the sharp wood into his heart. A demonic yelp escaped from it's mouth and he turned into a pile of dust at Buffy's feet.
*Hey those were new shoes!* she thought wiping her feet off. Buffy turned on her heel and scanned the park. She wasn't exactly scanning for the undead, more like scanning for Angel.
She hadn't seen him ever since the night she had, "Smashed her enemies bones into talcum powder" as Xander put it. A smile was brought to her face as she remembered how he had hugged her and cooed into her ear. He guided her home, and hugged her once more before he vanished into the darkness. Ever since then, there was no sign of him. Besides, she could usually sense him around and she hadn't been. Not even when she walked past the abandoned building he lived in. She'd been so mean to him. Telling him he'd moved on...and she hadn't. Buffy shook her head to clear her mind of the "what if's" that now bombarded her. *Well I think I've made the world safe for humanity again, time to part-ay* she thought turning towards the dark alley of The Bronze.
She spotted Zack Myrtle, the kid she had turned down earlier that day. He had slammed her locker shut and yelled at her, threatening to "Ruin her life.". Buffy still flinched at the sound of his voice. It was almost..demonic. Seeing his face sent an even bigger chill down her spine, but she turned her head away from him and kept walking.
She spotted Xander sitting in a booth by himself, staring solemnly at the table. Buffy walked over to him and smiled warmly. Ever since she had seduced him and almost got his best friend's throat slit, she felt that she had to make up for what happened. So she swore she'd be as good a friend as possible.
"Hey Xander! Want some company?" she asked happily.
"Hmm?..yeah..sure." he replied half heartedly staring at what looked like warm soda.
"Is something wrong, you seem a little out of it." Buffy asked sliding into the leather booth.
"No..I'm fine..." The two shared a moment of uncomfortable silence. The occasional sigh escaping their lips.
Out of the corner of Xander's eye, he could see Zack Myrtle walking up to Buffy. Xander hated him...he was captain of the football team, hunk of the school, got great grades, but he had one lousy personality. Xander's eyes widened as Zack's hand reached over to Buffy's back and snapped her bra strap loudly. She turned around,her hand in the air,and it dropped down when she saw his face.
Xander stood up angrily. "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?" he snapped.
"Sorry..thought that was your other loser friend...What's her name, Willow?" he smirked at him and walked away.
Buffy's eyes welled up with tears as she looked down at the table. Xander saw her discomfort and hugged her tightly. "Don't let him bother you Buff, he's just a jerk." he said behind her shoulder. She just nodded feeling comfort in his embrace. "Want me to walk you home?" he asked gazing at her grabbing her coat.
"No....I'll be fine." He nodded in reply and turned back to the table.
Buffy walked towards the exit. She still felt dirty, after what he did to her. *Why should I care about a guy like that, like Xander said he's just a jerk.....* she thought to herself. *but he knows how to get to me...* she added in reply. She was so engulfed in her thoughts she didn't notice a being following her. Her neck hairs stood on end and she whipped her neck around, preparing to pull out a stake.
"Who's there?" she asked loudly.
"Your stalker..." the voice said and laughed sinisterly.
"You're all alone now Buffy...with me...where's your friend to defend you?" Zack Myrtle cocked his head slightly. "If you tell anyone about me...I'll...wait...who would believe you? Who would believe the girl who burnt down the school gym versus a straight-A student? What a prediciment.....Look Buffy..the slut, tell anyone and I make your life a living hell. Got me?" And with that Zack shoved her into a brick wall and walked away slowly.
Buffy couldn't control her tears, she sobbed loudly clutching Angel's jacket, wishing with all her heart he was here. She walked home frightened and shaking. *God...why is he doing this?* she thought over and over. When she approached her house and she felt someone's eyes on her. Buffy took a deep breath and her built up anger was let out in one scream. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!"
The being crossed his eyebrows. "Buffy?" a familar voice asked.
Too upset to respond she turned and saw the loving, caring face of Angel staring back at her.
"I'll go..." he turned to walk away.
"No! Stay please!" she yelled terrified. He turned back to her wrapping his arms around her and stroking her hair. Hot tears fell onto his leather jacket as her body relaxed under his touch. He pulled away and knelt down a little, staring at her eyes.
"Buffy what's wrong?"
*"Tell anyone and I make your life a living hell.."*
She shook her head frantically. "I can't tell you..." she sniffled loudly, tears falling again.
He just nodded not wanting to push her to much. *It's me...I put her through hell..*
He guided her to the porch. An uncomfortable silence filled the air, causing Buffy to shift feet nervously. Finally Angel turned to walk away, but Buffy grabbed his jacket. "Angel..please don't go..." she whispered.
He turned to face her, hot tears were falling from her emerald eyes again. "Buffy...your mom..I.." he hesitated.
*"You're all alone now Buffy...with me...where's your friend to defend you?"* her mind repeated.
"Please...she's away...don't leave me alone tonight..." she whispered, pleading with her eyes. She knew Zack..he'd find her, and being in the house alone wasn't safe.
He nodded, giving in and walked into her warm house.
Her legs were still shaking as they walked up the narrow stairs to her room. As Angel walked in, he was hit with memories of the first night he had slept there. The Three had chased them and forced them into her home. She had bandaged him up and he slept on the floor beside her bed. He had spent most of the night watching her sleep. Occasionally pushing a stray hair from her forhead.
Buffy handed him a blanket, snapping him out of memory lane. "Deja vu huh?" she said. He flashed her a smile and watched her climb into bed. "Angel...thanks for staying here this means alot..."
"No problem" he replied laying down on the floor.
"Night" she whispered turning over on her side.
"Night.." he replied hoarsley and turned out the lamp above his head.
Hours later Buffy's head was tossing from side to side, muffled words were escaping from her lips. "No...Stop!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!" she screeched her eyes still tightly shut. Angel sat up from the floor shaking his head from disoreantation. His eyes widened as he heard Buffy's screams coming from her bed. She finally sat up screaming loudly for him.
He immediately came to her side, wrapping her in his arms and stroking her hair. "Shh..it was just a dream..it's alright..." he whispered, rocking her gently, as her shoulders shook with heavy sobs. Her body finally relaxed and her eyes fell. He sighed with relief as he leaned back on her pillow. *I'll stay like this...she needs me* he thought. Angel kissed her forhead lightly and held her until he fell asleep.
The next morning, Buffy woke up wearily. She looked behind her at Angel's eyes lightly closed. A pleasant smirk played across his face. She remembered the threat Zack had left her with the night before and her stomach dropped. In a few hours she'd have to face him, his eyes, his voice. Her body tensed up with nervousness. *What is he gonna do to me?* she thought worridley. Angel's eyes slowly opened and he saw Buffy beneath his arms smiling up at him.
"Hey." she said snuggling into his chest. "How'd you sleep?"
"Fine..." he answered kissing her forhead.
They lay like that for a few moments. Then the silence was broken by a question. A question Buffy did not want to hear.
"Buffy what upset you last night?" Angel asked again.
She sprang up from the bed and headed for the bathroom. "Nothing..it's probably over with by now."
"You wouldn't cry over nothing." Angel said laying back on the pillow.
No answer.
She came out a half an hour later, in a pink spring dress with sandals. She looked so beautiful, so innocent. "It's not to worry, alright?" she said sitting next to him on the bed. He sat up a little taking her hand in his and kissing it. "Angel...at The Bronze...when i said I've moved on...I'm sorry..it was a lie, you know that right?"
"Yeah...don't worry about it.." he said wrapping an arm around her.
"But what about us? Is there an "us"? Will there ever be?" she asked sitting up frantically.
"I don't know...maybe...it's hard...for me..for you..Let's just not talk about it." he whispered, stroking her hair.
She frowned slightly. "School.." she moaned getting up. She kissed him softly on the lips and walked silently out the door.
Buffy walked up the stairs to her locker and saw Xander sliding down the banister. "Hey Xander, your in a better mood." she said smiling at him.
"Wellllll...Willow and I almost kissed the night you came back, and I thought she stood me up last night but it turned out she was sick!" he said smiling and tossing an arm around her.
"You guys almost kissed!! God I missed so much!! She's sick?"
"Yeah some stomach flu or some lamer endeavor like that. So we Bron--" Just then Zack came out of nowhere and knocked Buffy and her books violently across the hall. Funny thing was, no one seemed to notice but Xander. Buffy scurried to pick up her books, as Zack knelt besides her and kissed her neck, snapping her bra strap again. He backpeddled away smirking at her collapsed form.
Xander walked over to her and sat down next to her, bringing her shaking form into his arms, rocking her gently. "Shhh..it'll be ok..." he whispered staring up at the place Zack had stood. After he felt her body relax he grabbed her hand. "Let's go in the library, Giles will do something about him." He started to turn but Buffy grabbed his arm tightly.
"No...he said...." she sniffled. "..That if I told anyone he'd ruin my life, Xander please...I need to leave..Can we go?" She said walking closer to him. He smiled comfortingly at her and hugged her once more.
They walked outside and off campus with his arm still protectivley around her shoulder. Once he felt Buffy's body calm he grabbed her hand and they walked side by side to Sunnydale park. It looked beautiful, the trees were turning colors. The soft reds and oranges complimented the park's beauty and serene setting. The sun was shining upon her face, making her problems drift into memories. She held tightly to Xander's hand and stared up at his face. All of a sudden she felt different about him. His eyes were more deep and mysterious and his smile now gave her a chill.
Buffy gripped his hand tighter and moved closer to him. He led her to a wooden bench, over looking a sky blue lake. She let her head rest on his chest, their hands still locked. They both looked up at each other for a few moments. The lasting silence was broken as they leaned their heads in and their lips met softly, then turning passionate. Her body pulled away reluctantly. She sat staring at his lively eyes, searching hers for answers to what happened. His hand stroked her cheek as she pulled away.
*This is Xander!! Willow's Xander!! You have Angel!! Remember!! ANGEL!!* her mind screeched. "Xander..I..uh..I've gotta go." She pulled him in for another kiss and ran towards her house.
*A million reasons life to deny Let's toss them away See you and me we Lay down look see She and he By my lover's side Together share this smile Each other's tears to cry Together share this smile Lover lay down*
Buffy ran frantically up and down the streets of Sunnydale. She tried to sort her thoughts about what happened. *I KISSED Xander!! XANDER!! Of all people!! I don't even like him!!...wait..* Her feelings had changed about him all in one afternoon. She felt secure and safe when she was with him. His eyes and facial features seemed more handsome and attractive. Maybe she was falling in love with him. She shook her head as she walked into her home. She slouched against the back door and ran her hands through her hair. "What am I gonna tell Angel?" She groaned outloud.
"Angel?" she yelled upstairs. He came down moments later, his hair ruffled and his clothes wrinkled. He smirked at her and pulled her into his strong arms. She resisted a little. She felt so insecure around both of them now. She felt like she was cheating, which in fact she was.
"What's wrong?" he asked as he felt her pull away. "And why are you home so early?"
There was an uncomfortable silence, as Buffy thought of an excuse. "Nothing..nothing's wrong...and...I...this kid...he's been harassing me at school...and I wanted to leave...so I did." she said turning from him.
"Was that why you were so upset?" he asked trying to see her face. She just nodded her face in her hands. He put a hand on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her waist.
This time she couldn't handle it. She couldn't take the fact it didn't feel as right as it did with Xander. "No!" she pulled away sharply and ran up to her room locking the door behind her. Angel flinched at the sound of her door slamming.
*What's up with her?* he thought making his way upstairs and knocking on her door. "Buffy can we talk?" he asked in a hurt voice.
"Please just leave me alone." she replied, her voice cracking and muffled. He nodded painfully on the outside of her door.
"I'll be downstairs..if you need anything." He turned his head towards the stairwell and this time he was holding back the tears.
Buffy screamed in a pillow for a few seconds and reached for her diary. This was the only place she could tell her most inner thoughts and feelings, and now was the perfect time.
"Dear Diary,
Have you ever felt like you were trapped in a love circle? Torn between Mystery and . I kissed Xander..my best friend for a year now, and I kissed him. Worst of all..I liked it. I liked it alot!! His eyes and his lips are much more handsome and I don't feel right with Angel anymore!! I'm going to find Xander...
--Buffy"
She threw her diary on the floor and grabbed her tan purse. Another chill was sent up her spine as she caught a wiff of Xander's cologne on her clothes. Buffy ignored it best she could and ran downstairs. She could see Angel in her family room. Her heart ached with sadness as she saw his sullen eyes searching a magazine. Buffy turned her head, disregarding her conscience, and she slammed the door behind her.
Angel shot his head up at the banging sound. *Why can't she tell me what's going on..* The idea of searching her room popped into his mind. He sighed and gave in, walking slowly to her room. He opened her door with a slight creaking sound. Angel scanned the room for a note, a book, anything. He couldn't stand the feeling of not being able to help her. He *was* her guardian angel. He was meant to protect her and watch over her, but how could he if he didn't know what was wrong. Angel saw her diary laying on the floor. He remembered she had accused him of reading it. That same night she confessed everything to him. *"A doesn't even stand for Angel....I didn't mean to put Angel's eyes were penetrating I meant to write bulgy"* he smiled at the thoughts, then snapped his head towards the book.
He stared at it like it was a packet of blood calling his name. Angel gave in to the temptation and scanned the most recent page. His eyes widened as he read it. *She kissed Xander..no wonder she was acting weird..* he shook his head out of disbelief and placed the diary in the same spot he'd found it. Angel sighed in depression and walked downstairs. *She must have went to see him,* he thought feeling a twinge of jealousy tug at his stomach. It was the same feeling he had when they had danced. It was just a trick, but it hurt more than any stake to the heart could do.
Buffy knocked on the Harris's door loudly, hoping he had come back to his house. Sure enough he opened the door a chemistry book in his hand and headphones on. His eyes widened as he saw her staring back at him. Xander tugged his headphones off and pulled her inside. "Hey Buffy...." he hesitated.
"Xander...we need to talk..about what happened."
"Buffy...I know you don't like me that way, so just forget about it." he said nonchalantly.
"No, thats the problem...I do like you! I am starting to think of you that way!! But then there's Angel. I feel like I'm torn between two worlds!!" Buffy said throwing her hands up in frustration.
"What? You like me? the "I don't want to ruin the friendship that we have" Buffy?" he replied.
She smiled a little "Yes...I do...I may love you..but I feel the same way about Angel." For some reasons tears fell from her face and she turned away wiping them from her face.
He turned her to him and hugged her gently. "I understand...take your time with this...I'll wait..." he whispered. She kissed him lightly on the lips and walked out.
Buffy took a deep breath as she opened the door to her home, expecting to see Angel in frantics. She scanned the rooms and saw him watching tv. "Hey," she greeted standing next to him.
He stared up at her with hopeful eyes. "I'd kinda like some company." he said pulling her down on his lap. This time it felt right, not as awkward and guilt driven like moments before. She sighed a little and reached for the remote turning the tv off.
"Angel we need to talk..." she said getting up from his grip.
He stared up at her. He just nodded knowing what the conversation would lead into. "I can't keep walking around like nothing happened...I feel like I'm trapped in a corny soap opera! Ok..I kissed Xander...and I liked it..."
"Buffy--"
"No, wait, I don't know what to do..I mean I love you...I do...but I'm not sure how I feel about Xander!" her voice was rising now in frustration.
"It's ok, I understand..." he said softly, staring at the floor.
"No you don't. Angel please know...that I love you, alot, more than I even know, but I'm just so confused with this, I mean I know we can never get married and have kids, and live in a little cottage up in the country....but I can with Xander, that's the only thing competing betweeen the two of you..." she drifted off. The words she said stung Angel, he always thought she'd have hope in their future...but now it was different. She walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Please...don't blame this on me... I just need some time...Please..."
He nodded his head in agreement. "I'm gonna go..." he whispered getting up. The sun just started to go down, but being near her hurt him too much. She bit her lip nervously as he walked towards the door. He kissed her softly and stroked her hair. The kiss meant more this time, it meant forgiveness and love.
Buffy sighed as she closed the door behind her. *I love you Angel* she thought and walked upstairs.
*Please let me forget all those sweet smiles all of the passion all of the peace, the heat, the pain all those blue skies where your words were my freedom. Please, don't let me fall in love with you again*
Buffy sat back on her bed in tears. She was in love with two guys, both of whom she loved dearly. And if she chose one of them, she'd loose one of their friendships. She gripped her teddy bear tightly and let her tears fall on it's soft fur. *What am I gonna do? I love Angel...but I love Xander...* The same thoughts ran in and out of her mind for what seemed like hours. She decided to see Angel. She's loved him ever since she saw him that night in the alley. They've been through to much to throw it all away. But it wasn't her final decision. She still loved Xander, his eyes, his smile, everything.
Buffy walked solemnly downstairs and grabbed her coat, just as the doorbell rang. Buffy knit her eyebrows. *Who could that be?* she thought and opened the door slowly. Her eyes widened at the person standing on the other side and she quickly slammed the door shut. But it was stopped by the arm of Zack Myrtle.
Buffy backed away extremley frightened and turned to run up the stairs. He pulled on her blond hair tightly, causing her to freeze in her steps. She yelped in pain and whimpered under her breath. He covered her mouth with his hand and started to punch her violently. She shook her head and tried to struggle away from his grip. All her slayer instincts and martial arts escaped her mind and she lay there helplessly. She screamed for Angel and Xander. But the more she screamed the harder she was hit. The room started to spin and her vision blurred. A moan escaped her lips and there was darkness.
Xander sat on a rock, dragging his feet on the sidewalk. *She likes me...she finally likes me...Why do I feel so lousy?* he asked himself. Ever since he first saw her in the hall, he's been head over heels for her. He'd do anything to be near her, to kiss her, but there was always Angel. His thoughts were interrupted when he caught a glipmse of Zack Myrtle walking away from Buffy's house. *She wouldn't invite him in...* Xander thought as he watched as Zack drove away. He jumped down and ran towards her house.
His stomach dropped to the floor at the sight that met his eyes. There was Buffy sprawled on her floor, covered in blood. Her eyes were sewn shut by bruises and her clothes were stained and torn.
His breathing got heavier as he bent down to check her pulse. There was the inconsistent throbbing in her wrist. He let out a breath of relief and grabbed her shoulders. "BUFFY CAN YOU HEAR ME!!?!" he yelled shaking her frantically.
He ran to the phone and quickly dialed 911. His fingers shook with fear as he dialed the numbers. He explained the situation and threw the phone down, not waiting for their response. Xander slid across the floor to her and supported her head with his hands. "Buffy.." he whispered over and over as he brushed the dampened hair from her forhead. The ambulances arrived, sirens roaring, which told Xander this was real...not a nightmare. They took Buffy and her bruised body onto a stretcher and in a split second she was gone. "Please be ok." he whispered to himself as he ran towards the hospital.
Angel's ears perked up at the sound of sirens floating closer. *Could they be going to Buffy's house?* he thought to himself scratching his head. Even if it was, he didn't want to see her...he *couldn't* see her. He couldn't kiss her, knowing her lips had met Xander's. He couldn't hold her knowing Xander's arms were wrapped around her waist as his were.
He sighed and gave in, and slowly walked toward the direction of her house. He whipped his head around as he saw the speeding ambulances roaring by him. What soon followed was Xander running frantically after the car. "Xander!?!" he yelled as he darted past him. No response came from him, so Angel picked up the pace and within a few minutes both of them had ran to Sunnydale hospital.
Angel finally grabbed Xander's arm and yanked him back.
"What?" Xander asked in an annoyed and breathless tone.
"Why were we running? What happened?"
Xander panted heavily and stared ahead. "Buffy..she was attacked at her house....where you should of been?" Xander replied shooting a glare at Angel.
"Is she ok?"
"I don't know...Look she doesn't need you here. You're never here when she needs you. Why start now, huh? Just go."
Angel let go of his arm and turned towards the exit. The comment hurt him badly, because he knew it was the truth.
Xander shook his head and ran to the receptionist. A short, brown haired girl explained Buffy was in stable condition and could go home the next morning. Xander let out a sigh of relief as she spoke. "Can I see her?" he asked his eyes pleading with her. She just nodded and pointed to a door. He smiled warmly at her and walked over to Buffy's room. He hesitated as he turned the knob, afraid at what he might see.
Xander slowly walked in. The room was an off white color and it was dimly lit by an overhead light. Buffy was resting comfortably. Her eye was swollen and she had a small cut on her head. Xander let out a sigh of relief. He had pictured her beaten and bruised much worse than she was. She stirred a little and shook her head from side to side. "I love Angel," she murmured.
Xander's face fell and his world crashed down on him. *I knew she'd choose him..she always did and always will.*
"I love Xander!" she yelled, tossing her head from side to side. "I can't choose!! Just stop!!" she screamed and the room fell silent.
Angel's eyes widened as he stood silently on the outside of the door. He had no idea she was so distorted and confused. He opened the door wider and stepped in. Xander rolled his eyes at him and sat in a chair, glaring at him.
The two men had their eyes on her for what seemed like forever. They were both silent vigil's, protecting her and keeping her safe. When in the end only one of them would keep standing guard over her. Buffy's eyes finally opened and she sat up on her elbows and groaned. She squinted her eyes and spoke. Her expression became frightened and she searched the room. "Zack..where is he?"
Angel was the first to speak up. "Zack? Did he do this to you." She nodded and her eyes welled up with tears. "Xander do you-" Angel started to say and turned around to see an empty chair. Angel put a hand on Buffy's shoulder and sat at the edge of her bed. "It'll be alright," he whispered softly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried onto his shoulder. He rocked her gently and softly cooed in her ear. *Whoever did this is going to pay.
*"Too many times I've cared too much I stood on the edge and saw that you held my hand and knowing too well I couldn't hide from those eyes, please don't let me fall in love with you again."