Tarnished Armor
Part 101

New York City. Late at night. Liza’s hotel room. The lights are off.

The door opens.

Liza: Just so we’re both clear on this, all men are skunks.

A drunken Liza enters the room, followed by a businessman.

Businessman: Whatever you say.

Liza: That’s right. Whatever I say.

Liza leans in and kisses the businessman. Their figures are silhouetted by the light from the hallway.

The businessman reaches out and grabs Liza by the waist. Liza pushes him away.

Liza: No!

She stands still for a moment. Then she shakes her head as if to clear it.

Liza: Lights on or off?

Businessman: Whatever you say.

Liza: Good.

Liza turns on the light. She turns around and sees Stuart standing in the room.

Stuart: Hi, Liza.

Liza: Stuart. What are you doing here?

Business: Whoa! This is a little kinky for me.

Liza: This is a freak show, is what it is. Manny --

Businessman: Danny.

Liza: Whatever I say. Manny, this is my father-in-law, brother-in-law. He’s my soon-to-be ex-husband’s identical twin brother. My mother’s husband. I’m my own grandpa.

Stuart: Liza, who’s this man?

Liza: That’s easier. A friend. No, scratch that. He’s someone I met tonight. Who cares?

Stuart: Oh.

Liza: “Oh.” The sainted oracle of Pine Valley is speechless. Get out, Stuart.

Stuart: I can’t do that.

Liza: I’ve seen you leave a room before, Stuart. The idiod savant thing will not work with me.

Stuart: The what?

Liza: The iliot savant. Iziot. Whatever. Whatever it is, I’m not buying it.

Stuart: Liza, you gotta come home.

Liza: Another Chandler telling me what to do. Why don’t you just hoist me over your shoulder or drag me by my hair?

Stuart: You don’t mean that. Liza, can I talk to you in private?

Liza: You’ll say whatever you have to say in front of Manny. He’s not leaving.

Stuart: Well, okay. Liza, your station is in trouble. I’m not good with business or anything, but Ryan’s been looking all over for you.

Liza: So what?

Stuart: So what? Liza, you saved that station when Dimitri tricked me out of it. I don’t think you should lose it just 'cause you’re mad at Adam.

Liza’s eyes narrow.

Liza: Don’t ever say that name again.

Businessman: Adam?

Liza whirls around.

Liza: Okay, Manny, you’re no longer welcome here.

Businessman: But Liza, you said --

Liza: I don’t care what I said. Get out. Get out before I call security. Or your wife.

The businessman goes to the doorway.

Businessman: If you change your mind, you have my phone number.

Liza: Yeah, 555-Pathetic loser. It’s etched in my memory.

Businessman: You’re so feisty. I like that.

Liza: Live on the memory, Manny.

The businessman leaves. Liza shuts the door behind him.

Liza: Make it quick, Stuart.

Stuart: What?

Liza: The station. What about it?

Liza moves over to the mini-bar and takes out a bottle of rum.

Stuart: I’m so bad at this. And when you get mean, it gets me more confused.

Liza opens the bottle and takes a sip. She coughs a little. Then she looks up and smiles sweetly at Stuart.

Liza (through her teeth): All better?

Stuart: Um. Okay. It’s the ... it’s the FCC ...

Liza: What about them?

Stuart: They’re mad because ...

Liza: Because...

Stuart: Sidestroke?

Liza: Sidestroke.

Stuart: Hunchback?

Liza closes her eyes for a moment. Then they open and narrow.

Liza: Kickbacks. Son of a --

Stuart: Liza.

Liza: What?

Stuart: Nothing.

Liza: Yeah, I’ll bet Ryan Lavery is looking for me.

Liza wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

Stuart: Are you gonna do something?

Liza: It’s always up to me, isn’t it?

Stuart: Well, it’s your station.

Liza: That’s right. It’s mine.

Stuart: So do you wanna?

Liza: Do I want to what? Spit it out.

Stuart: Go home? I kinda did something, and I think I should get back before Adam gets mad.

Liza: Let him. I hope he has another stroke.

Stuart: Oh, Liza, you don’t mean that.

Liza: I wouldn’t second guess me if I were you, Stuart. What did you do?

Stuart: What?

Liza: Adam. Getting mad. What did you do?

Stuart: I stole his jet.

Liza: You what?

Stuart: I had to get here. So I --

Liza: Stole his jet.

Stuart: So if we go now, we can get back to Pine Valley soon, and Adam will never know.

Liza: Who cares what he knows? He’s not the only one who can ... who can...

Stuart: Yeah, but when Adam’s mad --

Liza: It’s my jet, too. I’ve paid for that thing with my blood.

Stuart: So maybe if you explain that to him, then he won’t ... he won’t be mad when I give it back.

Liza: He doesn’t deserve any explanations.

Liza picks up her purse and heads towards the door.

Stuart: Where are you going?

Liza: To my jet. Are you coming?

Stuart: Wait, I think we should --

Liza: What?

Stuart: Wait here for me? For just a second?

Liza rolls her eyes. Stuart goes into the bathroom. He comes out with two glasses of water.

Liza: What’s that for?

Stuart: If you drink these now, you won’t feel so nasty later.

Liza takes a glass.

Liza: Marriage to my mother has served you well, Stuart.

Liza downs the first glass.

 
Tarnished Armor Index
Part One Hundred
Part One Hundred and Two