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Click on the picture for a list of some of the things that bart writes on the chalkboard every time the show starts.

Simpsons sounds (.WAV format).

Simpsons movies (.mpg .mov .avi formats).

BART'S BLACKBOARD OPENINGS

1. I will not waste chalk
2. I will not skateboard in the halls
3. I will not burp in class
4. I will not instigate revolution
5. I will not draw naked ladies in class
6. I did not see Elvis
7. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
8. Garlic gum is not funny
9. They are laughing at me, not with me
10. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
11. I will not encourage others to fly
12. I will not fake my way through life
13. Tar is not a plaything
14. I will not Xerox my butt
15. It's potato, not potatoe - a reference to DanQuayle's gaff while visiting a school)
16. I will not trade pants with others
17. I am not a 32 year old woman - To put it another way, Nancy Cartwright is not a 10-year-old boy
18. I will not do that thing with my tongue
19. I will not drive the principal's car
20. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
21. I will not sell school property
22. I will not cut corners - It actually looks like this: I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS (followed by)" " " " " " and " " " " " "
23. I will not get very far with this attitude
24. I will not make flatuent noises in class
25. I will not belch the National Anthem
26. I will not sell land in Florida
27. I will not grease the monkey bars
28. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
29. I will not do anything bad ever again
30. I will not show off - This was written in an "Olde English"-style font
31. I will not sleep through my education
32. I am not a dentist
33. Spitwads are not free speech
34. Nobody likes sunburn slappers
35. High explosives and school don't mix
36. I will not bribe Principal Skinner
37. I will not squeak chalk - Bart squeaks the chalk while writing this
38. I will finish what I sta - This appears on one line; the rest is blank
39. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
40. Underwear should be worn on the inside
41. The Christmas Pageant does not stink
42. I will not torment the emotionally frail
43. I will not carve gods
44. I will not spank others
45. I will not aim for the head
46. I will not barf unless I'm sick
47. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
48. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
49. I will not conduct my own fire drills
50. Funny noises are not funny
51. I will not snap bras
52. I will not fake seizures
53. This punishment is not boring and pointless
54. My name is not Dr. Death
55. I will not defame New Orleans - New Orleans complained about the opening song in "Oh, Streetcar!"
56. I will not prescribe medication
57. I will not bury the new kid
58. I will not teach others to fly
59. I will not bring sheep to class
60. A burp is not an answer
61. Teacher is not a leper
62. Coffee is not for kids
63. I will not eat things for money
64. I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
65. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
66. I will not call the principal "spud head"
67. Goldfish don't bounce
68. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
69. No one is interested in my underpants
70. I will not sell miracle cures
71. I will return the seeing-eye dog
72. I do not have diplomatic immunity
73. I will not charge admission to the bathroom
74. I will never win an Emmy - This was the first episode after 1992-93 Emmy nominations were announced, the first time the show was eligible for "Best ComedySeries", but it wasn't nominated (the show has won "Best Animated Show" Emmys in the past)
75. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
76. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy - This was not written "line by line" like the others
77. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
78. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
79. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man - A reference to "The Fugitive"
80. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
81. I am not deliciously saucy
82. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
83. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
84. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones - This was first used for the 100th new episode
85. There are plenty of businesses like show business
86. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
87. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
88. Beans are neither fruit nor musical
89. I will not use abbrev.
90. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
91. I will not send lard through the mail
92. I will not dissect things unless instructed
93. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
94. Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
95. Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
96. "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
97. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
98. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
99. I will not hang donuts on my person
100. I will remember to take my medication
101. I will not strut around like I own the place
102. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
103. I do not have power of attorney over first graders
104. Nerve gas is not a toy
105. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
106. The First Amendment does not cover burping
107. This is not a clue...or is it? - In this episode, there are clues that are supposed to revealwho shoots Mr. Burns
108. I will not complain about the solution when I hear it - In this episode, the shooter is revealed
109. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
110. No one wants to hear my armpits
111. I am not a lean mean spitting machine
112. The boys room is not a water park
113. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
114. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
115. I will only do this once a year - ...which is once a year too many for clip shows
116. I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

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     Simpsons sounds (.WAV format)

     Homer saying "DOH!" 32 times in a row

     One of barts prank calls to Moe

     The beginning to the simpsons theme

     APU: My name is Apu

     Homer: Kiss my hairy yellow butt

     Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh?

     Flanders: Okily-dokily-doo!

     Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!

     The itchy and scratchy show theme

     Movies

     Quicktime (.mov)

     Its a sad day here. Those folks at Fox caught up with most of the people who make the simpson movies and told them to take them off of the web. Here's whats left:
     Some of these files may have to be renamed to .mov for play on a PC.

     treei1.mov - 1Mb

     treeii1.mov - 6Mb

     treeii2.mov - 1Mb

     treeiii1.mov - 5Mb

     treeiii2.mov - 3Mb

     treev1.mov - 4Mb

     treev2.mov - 6Mb

     treevi1.mov - 1Mb

     treevi2.mov - 4Mb

     Homer in the land of chocolate - 5.2 megs

     The other Mr. Plow commercial - 2.8 megs

     Homer trying to learn his new identity - 2.4 megs

     The drunken posee preparing their guns - 1.4 megs

     Spinemelter 2000 - 4.4 megs

     The Osaka Flu - 2.7 megs

     "The real humans won't burn so fast" - 2.1 megs

     Video for Windows (.avi)

     Flintstone Parody - 2.3 megs

     When the Fire Starts to Burn - 2.5 megs

     Mpeg

     The Simpson Intro - 1.9 megs

     Lisa's Joker Parody - 653 kb

     Luke Perry being shot out of a cannon - 1.7 megs

     Homer dancing on a giant keyboard - 1.5 megs

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