FRIENDSHIPS ARE MADE OF THIS

DEFINITIONS:
Acquaint: make (person,oneself) familiar (with...) and have personal knowledge of (person or thing).
Acquaintance: (1)knowledge more than mere recognition and usually less than intimacy (with person or thing) (2) person with whom one is acquainted.
Comrade: mate or fellow in work or play or fighting, an equal with whom one is on familiar terms (usually of males).
Enemy: person who hates one and eagerly seeks one's defeat etc..opponent (of, to, another..).
Friend: (1) one joined to another in intimacy and mutual benevolence independently of family or sexual love. (2) Sympathizer, helper, patron, one who is not an enemy, one who is on the same side, regular contributor of help, money (to support institution) etc.
Friendly: acting or disposed to act as friend, characteristic of friends, expressing, showing, or prompted by kindness; not hostile, on amicable terms (with)..
Friendship: being friends, relation between friends; friendly disposition felt or shown.

(The Australian Concise Oxford Dictionary, 7th Ed. Melbourne Oxford University Press. 1987).

A little story I concocted in the crazy hours of a night... A Story About A Rock

"This rock has water within", the thirsty people cried.
"Nay, 'tis not rock which trickles water, but the fountain that lays behind it...Let us move the rock!".
So they all tried and tried, as sweat dripped off their foreheads.
A mocking laugh was heard from an older man, panting, chest heaving with laboured breath.
"Why do you laugh?" asked one of the other men, also huffing and puffing with exertion.
The other man replied, " 'Tis true one can get water from this rock. Look to your brows, then look down upon the rock. There you will see your water..."

The men, looked, then raised their faces to the older man and laughed and laughed. With renewed vigor, they all bandied together and pushed and pulled at the rock, until it finally gave way, allowing the fountain to gush forth once again in all its glory...

In truth, no one person, can like or love another, to the degree of their own egoism. First and foremost, one must understand, that 'I' is the centre of the relationship. It is what we bring into the circle of friendship. Sounds selfish? Well don't worry about it, because we all are. It's called ego or sense of self. This is a good thing generally, as it means we use our sense of self, as a yardstick to measure what is right or wrong, in order to define the boundaries of our friendships. We wouldn't make friends with those who we thought to be morally corrupt, would we? (One would hope not).

Why do we make friends? We are born alone and we die alone, so what's the need for having friends? I know that within myself, I have strengths and weaknesses of character (in truth we all do, but some readily admit it). I find that most of the time, I meet and make friends with people, that are either very similar to me, or totally different. One thing is for certain. I can count the number of true friends on one hand. Not because the others are not good friends, but because sometimes we feel more comfortable with sharing with some and not others.

Friendship, to me, is like ironic or electrovalent bonding. Negatively charged particles (Antions) trying to find positively charged particles (Cations) to cause a more stable configuration or structure, or vice versa. The electrostactic forces of attraction (of the charged particles), will be what determines the strength of the formed compound. So what is this mumbo jumbo I relate to friendship?

Well let's just say that I am a negatively charged particle in a sea of many types of varying particles. This is like life. A sea of people, where I am just one amongst many. How will I make friends? Is there a pre-ordained path for which I must follow? If you follow Quantum Mechanics, then the answer is YES. One will follow a path, or orbit, caused by the organization of our own natural characteristics. However, with people, we are dealing with a more humanistic approach, rather than molecules, ions, atoms etc... Emotions/Feelings. Mental Stimulation. Physical Attraction. These contribute to forming friendships. Don't fool yourself, Dynamic equilibrium and survival of the fittest does play a large part in our relationships.

Okay, so now you are wondering which side of the bed I woke up on, right? Well it's really only perspective.

In general, I make friends with people who are characteristically stronger in some areas and weak in others, and these characteristics are the opposite of my strengths and weaknesses, hence we complement each other. Friendship is very much a give and take balance. One cannot be friends with someone if we pity them. That destroys the equality of the friendship. Then there are boundaries we establish. Boundaries are made to protect oneself from possible breach of 'sense of self' and comfort. Then comes 'Intuition' or 'gut' instinct. This is what is used to 'guard' our boundaries. (Sounds very much like a game of Dungeons and Dragons - never played the game myself, and I promise I am not smoking any illegal substances). These protective measures are all normal. This does not necessarily mean that we do not TRUST our friends with our hearts. This just means, that we know that we must take responsibility for our feelings, and that if we get hurt by our friends, we are as much to blame as they are. This is however, only my opinion. One of my favourite words... SIFT...(yes, like with flour). In all things in life, we can SIFT, to find the truth, to find what best suits us.

One of my mistakes, was trying to get two of my friends, to form a friendship with one another. Disaster. Why disaster? Well firstly I must analyse my reasons for wanting them to be friends. Two reasons that come to mind is that (1) As I am friends with both of them, natuarally they would want to be friends too? WRONG!!! Through no fault of their own, they were just not compatible. Perhaps like magnetic South's trying to unite. (2) Damn, went blank!
Another mistake. Not trusting my instincts. This has happened many a time, when it comes to my friends, as I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt. That's more natural for me, than to trust my gut feelings, even when I know that something is afoot. I prefer to ignore the thought or feeling and just hope that my friend values our frienship enough not to stuff things up further. This could be the easy way out, instead of dealing with the issue. This is something I am known for (sometimes), well my star sign is The Crab, a creature known to move by sidestepping, For me I find it the easiest way to deal with things. but I usually come through and discuss the issue. Space is important too. So even when I don't discuss the issues with friends, this does not necessarily mean I don't value them, or our frienship. Sometimes, I just need space and time too.

Sometimes some friendships have an expiry date. This is very sad. However, you know that despite all, you have given them a little bit of your soul and vice versa. Their soul is for safekeeping. I believe, that the frienships that we don't fulfill in this lifetime, we will fulfill in another. Round and round we go, until our mission is accomplished, whatever that might be. If the parting is a sad one, remember the words 'forgiven not forgotten'. That way you leave the paths open to be journeyed once again, should the time arise. What I mean by 'forgiven' :- forgive your friends for being human and for protecting their 'sense of self', as you may not have been careful enough in protecting those boundaries that were established (despite them not being overtly mentioned or distinguished by markings), and 'not forgotten':- remember the good times and the positive aspects of your friendship. If you cannot remember anything good, then it was not a friendship to begin with. Also, remember the things (if you know them) which made the friendship sour. This way you are more careful in avoiding repeating the same mistake again.

It is a part of nature, that despite being happy or having a good life, we MOURN for things. I guess we just don't realise that every day we mourn for things, whether it be simple things like possesions, positions (ie jobs) and wealth, or things of great value, such as loved ones (friends inclusive), time or health. Okay, so we mourn about them in varying degrees, with regards to priority, nonetheless we still mourn, feel and have to come to terms with all the negatives and positives in our lives. Like the words of the R.E.M song "Everybody hurts sometimes". Good thing is, if one friend is not there for us, another one usually is. I guess that is the reason for making more than one friend. Everyone needs somebody sometime in their life. Some need more friends then others.

I have had great friendships, I have had mournful friendships, BUT, I HAVE, had friendships. I will continue on. Those friends I have, I love, those friends I lost, I still love, but I have learnt to let go. Let them fly, let them soar and hope that they find happiness and contentment. May each one find their HOME.Each frienship, those current and those of past, have taught me much. Each lesson compounds on the other, until I have the ultimate friendship. What is the ulitimate friendship? Allow my bastardization of these famous words.....and forgive me for quoting one so pityful and friendless, when I am so blessed.