how to f*** up a relationship
"1. Lie. This is basic and effective. To maximize bad results, lie
about something important to the other person(s) and arrange to be
caught in the lie in such a way as to produce maximum shock.
Additional stress points awarded for keeping the lie going for a while
before discovery, which increases the disorientation and sense of
betrayal in the deceived person(s). Lying about sex gets double
points. Lying about being married gets triple f***-up
points. Creative lies of omission (i.e. "not telling") with fancy
rationalizations and condescension get gold stars."
"2. Avoid self-knowledge. This is more elegant than strategy 1, as it
combines a bold sweep of denial with sorties of distraction aimed at
oneself. This tactic is most effective when combined with tactics 3
and 4. Self-destructive or addictive behaviour has also been found
very effective in avoiding self-knowledge by our researchers. When
combined with an endearing attitude of helplessness, this strategy has
been proven efficacious in attracting "rescuers" or "white knights" on
whom one can then practice strategies 4 and 3, in that order."
"3. Blame the other person(s). If anything went wrong, hey, it must be
their fault, right? This eliminates the need for messy things like
communication and negotiation, which can be embarrassing, particularly
if one is using strategy 2."
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(note: the above was originally published by Elise Matthesen)
