There's something missing in my life
and I'm not exactly sure what it is
but I can feel it.
I can feel it surging through my veins,
sucking the air of my lungs
and leaving my focus blurry at best.
This upsets me greatly,
mostly perhaps I feel powerless
to change that of which I don't know.
I can't even help myself.

I hate that.

I hate being here right now,
I just want to get home
and take a long hot shower
and slip into freshly laundered clothes.
Of which I have none.
I am like an over extended rubber band
bent on snapping at any moment.
Well, how's that for a bit of honesty…
I feel like crap.

I still haven't picked up my car;
the good news is the check came in.

FINALLY

I can not tell you how efficient,
friendly and helpful everyone had been
on my end of the car purchase.
I am sending them all a flowering plant
and a card.
I bet you think
I'm a real flake for doing that.
Well, the fact of the matter is
stuff like that is important to me
and deserves to be recognized.
I expect to be recognized
for my competence
and hard work.
I'm grumpy when I am not.

What can I tell you,
there's more insight into my character.

I wonder what would happen
if I left work an hour early…hmm?
I have this crazy craving for goat cheese…
weird no?
ugh, 45 min if I leave in an hour.
Decisions, decisions.

I'm having second thoughts
about my "date" next week.
I've spoken to him on the phone
a few times,
regarding checks
(yes, the late one!)
and I don't know
I'm just not feeling up to it now.
Oddly enough I don't know
if it's me or if it's him,
sigh,
maybe I'm just being a fickle,
mind changing woman.
Hey, hey
now men change their minds
all the time
they just let it be the woman's problem.

BLAH

I have been so unproductive today,
I'm just nauseated with myself.

Nothing makes me happy anymore.

And that's sad.

later.