As we do not know how to care for ourselves, we often end up with overindulgence instead of nurturance. Some have become addicted to alcohol, sugar, illegal or prescription drugs, status, spending or promiscuity. We long for love and satisfaction but have no idea how to achieve it.
Recovery programs help us to find what we long form by teaching us to put first things first, which means letting go of self-destructive behavior, as well as learning to care for ourselves instead of trying to manage the lives of others. *First things first.*
Today I see the range of choices in my life. I do not have to choose between black and white; I may choose to have red or gold. I do not always have to choose between right and wrong; I may choose the best for me at the time.
Dysfunctional families make choices from fear. To minimize the feelings of fear and inadequacy, parents in these families structure all choices. There is no free choice when all alternatives are punishing; true alternatives are positive possibilities.
Today I will see choices as possibilities. I will explore a range of options and then choose. The choices I consider today give me possibilities for tomorrow. *I choose what is right for me today.*
Having pulled back on the reins without letup for so many years, my hands don't know how to let go. I feel I have to control every aspect of life or I will be smashed to death on the rocks below.
Today I will begin to let go of the reins. As my fingers loosen, the reins drop slackly into my lap. No longer straining against the harsh pull of the bit, the horses begin to slow down and find their own way.They stop in a meadow and put their heads down to eat the sweet grass. I take the halters off their necks and they prance with joy at their freedom. I relax, enjoying my own freedom. As the sun sets, I harness the horses and start back down the path. I trust them to find their own way home. *Today I will let go of my need to control.*
The more we begin to accept our feelings and memories that validate our experiences, the more we may feel, for a time, that we are completely out of control. This feeling can be misleading. In fact, flashbacks and other reminders of the abuse only come when we have reached a relatively safe place in our lives where we can begin to deal with the reality of the abuse.
When we feel safe and free to be ourselves we have no compulsive need for control. Our abusers in their insecurities used manipulation, power and domination to control us. We can turn away from their unhealthy example by choosing to live in a safe universe and associating with people who encourage openness and the freedom to be oneself without the use of violence. *I can let go of the need to control because I feel safe to be me.*
It takes a lot of courage to make it through incest/abuse alive-much as it does through a war. Only in this war the survivors are mere children with no weapons to speak of. To proclaim ourselves survivors in a world that often does not want to hear it further attests to our courage.
Now that we are recovering from incest/abuse, we can use our courage to our advantage. First, we need to care for ourselves and live healthy lives. We may also reach out to other adult survivors who still suffer and feel alone. And we can become advocates for those who continue to be victimized.
Sometimes it takes a lot of courage just to get out of bed in the morning. But every time we act against fear and on behalf of our own recovery, we are demonstrating lifegiving courage. *I am courageous*
Winnie the Pooh, on a blustery day, found himself pinned beneath some furniture when the world seemed to turn upside down. While waiting for the storm to stop, he wrote a little song to help pass the time in a pleasant fashion.
Storms of rage and self-hatred blow into my life, turning everything I've worked for upside down. My thoughts and emotions battle for control, leaving me feeling quite hopeless. The harder I try, the stonger the stroms grow.
Perhaps I cannot always dispel the storms. Some storms must be lived through. So
today I will choose to write my own song of sorts. I may take a walk in the park.
I may vent my feelings to a trusted friend. I may run, swim, or ride my bike.
Through it all, I will trust my Higher Power to hold me up and keep me from
drowning. In the end, the storm will be a blessing, for I will learn something
of lasting value.
*Today I will trust my Higher Power to guide me.*
More Affirmations and Meditations Back to Inspirations© 1997 mdak@cajunnet.com
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