While I was growing up, my parents did not express their feelings in clear and responsible ways. I learned to hide or mislabel my emotions. I felt anger when I was scared and sadness when I was angry.
In recovery, I am learning to express my feelings honestly. If I am angry with a friend, I express my feelings with an angry tone of voice and I describe their behavior and my feelings without blaming. If I am angry with someone I do not trust, I express my feelings privately. If I am sad, I may phone a friend and ask for comfort or I may play sad music and cry as long as I need to. If I am happy, I may smile broadly or laugh outloud.
Today I will feel my true feelings and express them appropriately. *I feel and express my true feelings.*
A tightness in our shoulders, a flutter in our stomach, a sudden shallowness of breathing--these are just a few of the many ways our bodies can be telling us we are experiencing feelings. In order to survive we often have to ignore these signals. But now we are learning to care about ourselves enough to become aware of our bodily changes and the feelings they indicate.
Breathing slowly and more deeply can be one way of opening to our feelings. There are many ways.
Listening to our feelings does not mean being controlled by them. When we are able to listen to and dialogue with our feelings, we gain the freedom to respond (rather than react)to them. Listening to our feelings is a means of genuinely loving ourselves. *My feelings are a blessing.*
During a sensory flashback one or more of our senses reminds us of when we were being abused. We may suddenly feel sick at the smell of a certain cologne, cringe at the sound of a door slowly opening or panic at the sight of certain-colored clothing. These put us back into the body of a vulnerable person under attack.
Sensory flashbacks are frightening because suddenly we are out of control and feel as though we are being abused again. In processing these experiences it is important to remember that we are not being revictimized. Rather, our body is re-presenting our whole person with this sensory experience in order to make it real for us so we can let it go and continue to heal.
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© 1997 mdak@cajunnet.com
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