Healing is a life-renewing and lifegiving process that addresses our wounds in the context of our whole person. No matter how badly we have been hurt, our wounds never become all we are, nor are they the only object of our healing; Our whole person is. Healing addresses our "brokenness," yes, but always remembering our wholeness.
As scars and memories are part of healing, so is new strength and courage. Surviving is a vital part of healing and it can lead to thriving. Healing does not bring us back to the way of living we had before our abuse. It leads us to integrity and wholeness through which we can live our lives today. Healing is not a "thing" that repairs, fixes or glues us together. Healing is a continuing process which deepens, expands and opens us to life. *I am in a daily process of healing.*
The root of meaning of intimacy is literally "into fear." For us survivors who learned to respond with fear to interpersonal closeness, the wisdom of recovery tells us that the only way out is through facing our fears.
Modern culture often equates intimacy with sexual relations, but that is only one possible expression. Many of us incest survivors who have had sexual intercourse forced on us in the name of "love" know it has nothing to do with intimacy. True intimacy is an openness to relationship that is spiritually based and involves our bodies and feelings as we choose to invest them.
Intimacy allows us to be truly at home with ourself. From this basis we are able to foster close and trusting relationships with God and others. *God, let me know my oneness with you.*
Entering into a relationship with the expectation that another person can make me happy and content is a setup for failure. As a child, I believed that I was responsible for the unhappiness of my parents. I thought I needed to live up to their idea of a model child. I spent my days searching for something I could do to make their lives better.
Today I will let go of my need for others to live up to my ideals. I do not have the right to impose my expectations on anyone else. Today I will start relieving others of the responsibility for making me happy. I deserve a relationship, not to make me happy but in order to share the richness of who I am with another.
As I learn to recognize and meet my own needs, I depend on others to fill me up. As I nurture my inner child, I become freer to engage with another in a healthy way. *My happiness comes from within and I share it with others.*
Body memories come in various forms. Tears, shudders, tremors, painful tensing of muscles, aching genitals, gastro-intestinal pains or cramping, headaches and vision problems are possible symptoms. Even when our mind is unable to remember the incest, our body does.
A certain touch or sensation can stimulate body memories. Our body is actually presenting us with a memory we need to process and let go. At such times it is important not to cause ourselves more pain by fighting to hold it back.
Sometimes visual or feeling memories will accompany body memories so that we are able to connect our bodily reaction with a past experience. If we are accepting and loving toward our body at these times, we will heal. *My body remembers what happened.*
Memorials of war, destroyed lives and victories punctuate the serene park in the middle of town. All are crafted of cement and bronze to survive the years so no one will ever forget.
Memorials stand within my memory. Memorials of my past wars, of my wounds and the devastated lives of family and friends. Words raised in bronze stand out to remind me of what took place, of the pain that will completely go away.
It is my choice whether to use each memorial as a stone wall to inhibit my growth or as a marker of my growth. I can visit those markers to contemplate the past, knowing full well I do not have to live there. Today I will praise myself for how far I have come in my emotional healing.
More Affirmations and Meditations Back to Inspirations© 1997 mdak@cajunnet.com
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